A text message to initiate contact - what should I say!

[sallydon33]

My ex and I split up two months ago. We tried staying friends but then about three weeks ago, we decided to not speak for a few weeks to give each other some space.

 

How do I initiate contact now. I feel like I have had some space and would like to see him. He hasnt been in touch but we didnt say who would contact who.

 

I would like to send a text. Can you help me think of something lighthearted? I imagine it would be good if its fairly short and sweet. Part of me wants to wait for him to start contact with me, but I think he is waiting for me to do it.

 

Any suggestions for what is a good opening text message? From a mans point of view maybe ..........

 

Thank you

[fLuiD]

3 weeks does not equal a few weeks.

 

If he hasn't contacted you yet, it is probably because he doesn't want to yet. Plus, the more time apart you two have, the better it is. It will allow for you to clear your minds much better.

[BIGIDFSH]

I agree with fluid, he'd contact you if he wanted to. I'd just keep moving on if I were you, eventually the desire to contact him will fade with time.

[DN]

If it was not made clear who should contact whom then there is no reason you should not be the one to contact him - and three weeks can be a few weeks depending on your viewpoint.

 

If you want to text him then say something like "Hey, it's been three weeks, I am ready to talk whenever you are"

[lila...]

If he hasn't contacted you it does not necessarily mean that it's because he doesn't want to. We don't know him, you know him much better than we do. It could be that he's wallowing in his pride but is dying to contact you, who knows? By the way, who broke up with who? Or was it mutual? I don't understand why you would want to contact him though, you're broken up aren't you?

[uncomfynumb]

My ex and I split up two months ago. We tried staying friends but then about three weeks ago, we decided to not speak for a few weeks to give each other some space.

 

How do I initiate contact now. I feel like I have had some space and would like to see him. He hasnt been in touch but we didnt say who would contact who.

 

I would like to send a text. Can you help me think of something lighthearted? I imagine it would be good if its fairly short and sweet. Part of me wants to wait for him to start contact with me, but I think he is waiting for me to do it.

 

Any suggestions for what is a good opening text message? From a mans point of view maybe ..........

 

Thank you

 

If you are wanting to get back together, then I would strongly advise not being friends or having any form of contact. Why? Because you will remain emotionally attached and you will continue to invest time as well as emotion into a relationship that does not offer the return that you want on that investment.

 

I also advise you to always let the man take the lead, be the initiator and that is because I believe the majority of unfeminized men prefer it that way. And I also believe that a woman compromises her projected value when she chases a man in any way, shape or form. Just because feminism opened up new avenues for women, doesn't mean that a woman should take on a man's role in the courting process.

 

You are ready for a friendship when it doesn't bother you at all who your ex dates, spends his time with, or has sex with.

[DN]

This isn't a courting process - this is trying to mend a broken relationship.

 

Suppose you don't send the message and he doesn't either? You will never know that if you had sent the message it could have been fixed. Don't assume that you, or anyone else, knows what he is feeling, what he might or might not do and how he will respond. The only way to find out is to contact him - and if you don't you could spend the rest of your life wishing you had.

 

If he isn't interested - at least you will know.

[unhappy101]

This isn't a courting process - this is trying to mend a broken relationship.

 

Suppose you don't send the message and he doesn't either? You will never know that if you had sent the message it could have been fixed. Don't assume that you, or anyone else, knows what he is feeling, what he might or might not do and how he will respond. The only way to find out is to contact him - and if you don't you could spend the rest of your life wishing you had.

 

If he isn't interested - at least you will know.

 

That is so true. I guess my own issue with this, is that in my situation if I were to text/call my ex and got no or a bad reply, I feel I would be staight back to square one or worse.

 

I nearly text tonight, but something stopped me.

 

Need to gather up my strength.

[uncomfynumb]

This isn't a courting process - this is trying to mend a broken relationship.

 

Suppose you don't send the message and he doesn't either? You will never know that if you had sent the message it could have been fixed. Don't assume that you, or anyone else, knows what he is feeling, what he might or might not do and how he will respond. The only way to find out is to contact him - and if you don't you could spend the rest of your life wishing you had.

 

If he isn't interested - at least you will know.

 

I disagree. It is all courting until you are married.

[uncomfynumb]

This isn't a courting process - this is trying to mend a broken relationship.

 

Suppose you don't send the message and he doesn't either? You will never know that if you had sent the message it could have been fixed. Don't assume that you, or anyone else, knows what he is feeling, what he might or might not do and how he will respond. The only way to find out is to contact him - and if you don't you could spend the rest of your life wishing you had.

 

If he isn't interested - at least you will know.

 

I forgot to add, that if he doesn't contact her, she will know is he is not interested.

[uncomfynumb]

That is so true. I guess my own issue with this, is that in my situation if I were to text/call my ex and got no or a bad reply, I feel I would be staight back to square one or worse.

 

I nearly text tonight, but something stopped me.

 

Need to gather up my strength.

 

You are right you would feel worse. Men appreciate women more the more they work them and not the other way around.

 

So you text him, you do the work and then you have to work more to figure out his intentions and how he feels.

[newlife21]

i agree more with uncomfynumb. if he doesn't look for you, don't look for him. i am totally for "the man should lead", because i believe that if the man likes you enough, he will do something. if you don't hear from him, let's face the harsh fact that he is just not into you. my opinion is you should hang on and wait, it is not easy i admit. if he doesn't contact you in the next two months, i would give up if i were you, and get to know new people.

[TheJerseyKid]

I'll just throw this in. My current break up is 1 week old. A year ago we had also split up, and after a few weeks of NIC, i went NC, and it only took about 2 weeks before this was driving her insane. Eventually she gave me the "please let me know if you aren't going to respond, so i can stop wasting my time and feeling stupid." I knew this was her crying out, and I know this situation is different, but the fact is, if she never sent me that text, I really don't know if we would have ever gotten back. The past year we had together was great despite what I am going through now.

[newlife21]

but you wouldn't know because she had already sent the text. if she didn't contact you, maybe you would had contacted her some time down the road.

[uncomfynumb]

I'll just throw this in. My current break up is 1 week old. A year ago we had also split up, and after a few weeks of NIC, i went NC, and it only took about 2 weeks before this was driving her insane. Eventually she gave me the "please let me know if you aren't going to respond, so i can stop wasting my time and feeling stupid." I knew this was her crying out, and I know this situation is different, but the fact is, if she never sent me that text, I really don't know if we would have ever gotten back. The past year we had together was great despite what I am going through now.

 

Ok, let me tell you what the problem with this. When a woman does all the work, when she is the one that fights for you, she is more likely to lose interest in you later. Why? Because men and women are different.

 

A woman will never feel the same sense of pride for chasing and capturing a man's love that a man will for chasing and capturing a woman's love. Men thrive on this, the reward. Women thrive on being the reward.

 

When women leave the relationship, it is usually because they feel like they are being more of the male in the relationship. They may not define it like this, and more than likely it will be a subtle nagging feeliing that something is not quite right in the relationship.

 

Only in rare and unsual cases will either sex appreicate the role reversals when it comes to dating and courtship.

[DN]

This is all predicated on the basis that men act one way and women act another and that is just nonsense. Men and women are individuals who act and react according to their own lights and not those imposed by their gender. Even if it were true that 'men like to chase' this particular man might not.

 

It is just as true to say that he might consider you not interested if you don't contact him. So don't fall into the gender trap of preconceived roles - it won't serve you.

 

Message him and then you will know for sure - to do anything else, including hope that he will contact you or assume he is not interested if he doesn't, makes no sense.

[uncomfynumb]

This is all predicated on the basis that men act one way and women act another and that is just nonsense. [/b] Men and women are individuals who act and react according to their own lights and not those imposed by their gender. Even if it were true that 'men like to chase' this particular man might not.

 

It is just as true to say that he might consider you not interested if you don't contact him. So don't fall into the gender trap of preconceived roles - it won't serve you.

 

Message him and then you will know for sure - to do anything else, including hope that he will contact you or assume he is not interested if he doesn't, makes no sense.

 

Actually it is predicated on the fact that men and women are different down to the way that our brains function. Admitting this doesn't make us any less individual btw.

 

Whether this particular man likes to chase or not is irrelevant because the majority of women do not like to chase or pursue the man she is attracted to and are far more comfortable and secure when the man pursues her.

 

So if the OP calls, she may get her answer. If she doesn't call, she will still eventually get her answer. The difference is that by calling, she takes the role of a male. And like it or not, the roles were defined by the gender differences and not so much a conscious choice by the genders themselves.

 

Of course you being a male would advise her to call because you surely appreciate it when women make it easier for you fellows and men do like things that come easy. But the bottom line is that they don't value it so much when it comes too easy. And women themselves are more secure in relationships when they feel valued.

[DN]

You are making the mistake that so many people make and generalising about a specific situation. Even if you were right in your assumptions and assertions (which I don't think you are) they may not hold true for this particular man.

 

The bottom line is that by contacting him the OP has nothing to lose and a lot to gain if he is interested. The only way to prove if he is interested is to contact him because to assume that if he is interested he will contact her is based on nothing more than a perception that may be wrong.

[DN]

I should also say, that your assertions are wrong in my own particular case.

 

When my girlfriend broke up with me to return to her own country she was the one who subsequently contacted me about meeting up when she came back. As a result, we got back together and have now been married for a long time. I certainly value my wife and our relationship and if she didn't feel secure we would not have remained together for 35 years.

 

One case doesn't make a rule - but it does prove that there are exceptions even if your rule were correct.

[uncomfynumb]

You are making the mistake that so many people make and generalising about a specific situation. Even if you were right in your assumptions and assertions (which I don't think you are) they may not hold true for this particular man.

 

I have already posted on this. The majority of women are not comfortable in the role of the pursuer because we are women.

 

The bottom line is that by contacting him the OP has nothing to lose and a lot to gain if he is interested. The only way to prove if he is interested is to contact him because to assume that if he is interested he will contact her is based on nothing more than a perception that may be wrong.

 

Not true. That is not the only way to prove if he is interested. That is only one way. Whether it is the best way is what is up for debate here. I am not telling the OP, what to do here btw, I am telling her what another woman that has been in her shoes would do.

 

I should also say, that your assertions are wrong in my own particular case.

 

When my girlfriend broke up with me to return to her own country she was the one who subsequently contacted me about meeting up when she came back. As a result, we got back together and have now been married for a long time. I certainly value my wife and our relationship and if she didn't feel secure we would not have remained together for 35 years.

 

One case doesn't make a rule - but it does prove that there are exceptions even if your rule were correct.

 

So you are saying that if your now wife had never contacted you, that you would have never contacted her?

 

We are missing many details of your relationship. Advise can change depending on the details such as who broke up with who. I am assuming in the case of the OP

 

As a man, you are likely to give advise to women that will make it easy for the man. Men do like easy, they like easy a lot! but they do not tend to value easy in the long run.

 

I know your case is different and there are no real hard fast rules but I think if we recognized the differences in genders and respect that, we are more less likely to err over all.

 

Congrats on your 35 year marriage by the way. In this day and age, that is quite a feat!

[DN]

The bottom line is that all of these assertions and generalisations are made with no proof and all of them too easily fall down when applied to the specific.

 

My advice to the OP stands and is very simple. Send him a text and see what happens. If you don't you may wonder what would have happened if you had for the rest of your life.

[newlife21]

i do not represent all women, i also cannot speak for other woman, but what you wrote is EXACTLY how i feel in my own relationship experience. so i would say i am a living evidence of what you said.

 

my current bf is not an easy one, last year i did some chasing when he left, although in the end he came back to me, i could feel some kind of hatred for him inside me. i started to become more and more cool towards him, only until few months back he became the pursuer ( as i swear to myself i will not chase him again ), the hatred finally dissipated. now he is all way out to ask me to marry him and i finally feel contented.

 

( DN, i am not saying you are wrong, i am only speaking from my own experience and feelings. )

[uncomfynumb]

DN,

 

Why do you think he is not contacting her?

 

Men and women's brains are wired differently and that is not a generalization. It is a fact. Our bodies are designed different. We secrete different hormones at different times and they can have an effect on our moods. Women secrete oxytocin during and after sex far more than a man does. Men can separate sex and love a whole lot easier than women can. Why?

 

Because men are not women and women are not men. And because of our physical differences, we perceive things differently and desire different things from each other.

[newlife21]

i guess a simple short text will not be qualified as chasing, rather it is more like testing water. testing water is good, you get some kind of answer and yet keep your pride.

[newlife21]

I should also say, that your assertions are wrong in my own particular case.

 

When my girlfriend broke up with me to return to her own country she was the one who subsequently contacted me about meeting up when she came back. As a result, we got back together and have now been married for a long time. I certainly value my wife and our relationship and if she didn't feel secure we would not have remained together for 35 years.

 

One case doesn't make a rule - but it does prove that there are exceptions even if your rule were correct.

 

my opinion on your story is, your wife is still the one who chose you. you said , she left you, ( not you left her). i am sure she knew you still loved her although you two had broken up at that time, so she chose to come back. she didn't chase you, she came back.

 

unless you dumped her,and she chased you.