No hope...but then out of no where storys.

[GenoGeno]

I know there is stories all the time of people getting back together but they probably had a little bit of hope. Do you guys know of any where the dumpee lost absolutely all hope and contact with their dumper and then out of no where she/he came back into their life...or yours if it's happened in the past?

 

I read a lot on Diagonal's story and it almost seemed hopeless for him but then it happened. Pretty crazy to me. Almost makes me wonder what goes through the dumpee's head when they just wake up one day and go...I miss him/her I want them back. I guess it's more of a gradual thing over time. But it got me thinking also...even NIC could damage ever getting back because you're always supplying them with that little bit of you that they need to move on.

[getbiii]

you know what? i think they always come back when you least expect it,

when you finally let go them turn around and comeback.

[GenoGeno]

Yeah it's kind of funny how that works...i find it pretty insane all the storys where people get back together after years of not seeing each other. I almost feel like I'm a very weak willed person...because i can't delete her from facebook and i can't bring myself to stop looking on her page. It's like a force that won't let me do it. Even though i kind of want too.

[veralyn]

Yeah it's kind of funny how that works...i find it pretty insane all the storys where people get back together after years of not seeing each other. I almost feel like I'm a very weak willed person...because i can't delete her from facebook and i can't bring myself to stop looking on her page. It's like a force that won't let me do it. Even though i kind of want too.

 

why don't you give it another shot with her then?

[jettison]

I know there is stories all the time of people getting back together but they probably had a little bit of hope. Do you guys know of any where the dumpee lost absolutely all hope and contact with their dumper and then out of no where she/he came back into their life...or yours if it's happened in the past?

 

I read a lot on Diagonal's story and it almost seemed hopeless for him but then it happened. Pretty crazy to me. Almost makes me wonder what goes through the dumpee's head when they just wake up one day and go...I miss him/her I want them back. I guess it's more of a gradual thing over time. But it got me thinking also...even NIC could damage ever getting back because you're always supplying them with that little bit of you that they need to move on.

 

I've had several ex's turn around and come back. It takes you truly letting them go before that's ever even remotely possible though. If your ex felt in any way trapped or suffocated by you then it would take them not feeling that threat any longer. That means that they no longer have any clue where you are, what you're doing, or what you're thinking... only that they know you've gone for good, and that you might as well be a stranger. At that point, you've "won". By "won", I mean that you've accomplished your goal of even footing.

 

What do you win for such a feat? Not much really. The potential admiration and/or affection of someone who once dumped you? It really doesn't sound like much of a prize when put in those terms. Usually, once you could have them back you may not even want them at all.

[veralyn]

Wow. That's the most depressing thing I've ever heard. Beautifully written, but depressing. You really don't believe in soulmates?

[doiiiieeezie]

I had one where we dated in HS, then had a huge fight before college started. Neither he or I talked for that entire year... other than being at the same party during new years eve. Then about 2 years later we got together and dated for 3 years. There was no hope whatsoever for him or I, in fact we pretty much hated each other for a long time.

 

Anything is possible, but really you can't force it. It will happen on it's own due time either way.

[FoundYet]

It's happening to me right now.

We broke up 3 months ago and went NC right then and there. I never had any hope whatsoever that he would come back into my life, I wished it but knew otherwise because he had told me before that when he broke up with someone it had been for good and he immediately moved on. Didn't look back. Great...

 

It took me a few weeks to get the courage to stop looking at his FB profile. I took baby steps, as in, okay today I wouldn't look and promised myself I would look tomorrow. Then moved on to two days then look. A week, two weeks. After the first month, only looked twice, i block him and some of his friends. It was the hardest thing to do and I freaked after I did it but somehow it gave me a strength and I started to move on working on me. A month after blocking him, he's back in my life and I'm shocked as hell. I think they can smell when we're getting our life back in order and come running to see it.

 

I'm not the same person and he's realizing it but he's still talking to me. It's blowing my mind. And i'm at indifference of wanting him back or not because I hadn't gotten to the complete over him healing before contact. So we'll see.

 

So it can happen. It's dumbfounding.

[TheJerseyKid]

It's happened to me before. I spent the first few weeks or month after the break up really hurt, and somehow hoping we'd reconcile. After about 3 weeks or so, I finally "gave up" and stop contact her, and decided to ignore her when she did text me. All I had to do was ignore 2 different "hey how are things?" text messages after about a week or so of NC. Then within another week I got the schpeel "If you don't have time/want to talk to me, please let me know so i stop making a fool of my self." Once I heard that, I knew she was back for taking, so long as I played this right. Everyone's time table is going to be different. Just because it happened in a few weeks/month for me doesn't mean it will for you. I've read of people getting back together after 2 weeks on here, and almost up to a year. For me, women have a way of creeping back into my life once I finally say I'm done, stop chasing, and more importantly, genuinely stop caring. The last 2 times (one time when I was single and we hadn't dated at all, the other time coming off our 1st break up) when I finally started to make peace with everything, and get comfortable with my "single" routine, is when she came crawling back. Women seem to have this innate sense to tell when they're REALLY losing you for good, and maybe yours just hasn't had that scare yet, and thats why you haven't reconciled or whatever.

[iBroken]

Happened to me and we are reconciling......but what does my story have to do with you?

 

My point is that people come and go, and sometimes they come back. But Just because it happened to the above 8 posters, doesnt mean it will happen to you. And just because it does happen to you, doesnt mean it will happen to the next guy

 

All Im sayin is try to chill out on wondering if she will be back. Cross that bridge if/when you get there.

 

We always hope and pray they will come back to us, but when they do, it isnt this fairy tale ending we imagine. Its complicated and can complicate a true reconciliation. Just something to keep in mind.

 

As for Facebook, you will delete her in time. You will see something that upsets you and you will give up and delete her on a whim......just be patient - that time will come.

[jettison]

Wow. That's the most depressing thing I've ever heard. Beautifully written, but depressing. You really don't believe in soulmates?

 

Soulmates don't dump their fellow soulmate and then leave them alone to their pain and tears. Soulmate is an interesting concept. It's not something to believe in or not believe in though. It's simply a state of mind, mostly guided by emotion. You'll notice, over time, that most people that believe in "a soulmate" strangely change their mind to believe in plurality when all is said and done. "I believe in a soulmate" becomes "I believe in soulmates". And for those who hang tight to the premise at all costs, revisionist history will be employed, and those past soulmates were "not really soulmates... I just wasn't seeing it clearly. Now THIS is my soulmate"... until the breakup of course.

 

I don't think it's depressing at all though. We are all capable of immense love not only for ourselves but for the other, and we may hone this ability for our whole lives. If you are lucky enough to find a single mate that you love deeply, and serve is returned in the right way, then consider yourself blessed of course.

[rapunzel]

I've had several ex's turn around and come back. It takes you truly letting them go before that's ever even remotely possible though. If your ex felt in any way trapped or suffocated by you then it would take them not feeling that threat any longer. That means that they no longer have any clue where you are, what you're doing, or what you're thinking... only that they know you've gone for good, and that you might as well be a stranger. At that point, you've "won". By "won", I mean that you've accomplished your goal of even footing.

 

Then I guess the chances of my ex coming back while we work together are virtually nil. Not that it would be a good idea anyway.

[nomad0792]

It's been 5 months of NC for me and no signs of her coming back. Nor do I plan on doing anything...she was the one who wanted space...to be friends, etc. Screw that!!! Once she told me she loved me, but wasn't in love with me, I told her she was the love of my life and I dropped off the face of the planet. Do I HOPE she calls? Yes. Do I EXPECT her to call? No

 

So, I am coming to the realization that I will more than likely never hear from her again. 1 year of dating and all the things you say when you're in love (soul mate, love of my life, never felt like this before, marriage, kids, future together, etc.) to 1 month of needing space and a little bit of begging and then suddenly...NC.

 

I won't lie...I'm truly heartbroken and I still feel the pain, but it's gotten a ton better. I've been dating and moving on, but I'm in complete and utter shock that she was able to stay away like she has...but, then again, so have I.

 

IF my ex decides she wants to try again, it will be a an "OUT OF NOWHERE STORY" of epic proportions.

[minou]

IBroken I know many of us take comfort at times from hearing other people's success stories. Obviously it is not a guarantee for another person. I think reading the stories soothes the part of the brain that feels agonized with moments of hopelessness. The reality is that there is always hope. One can't organize daily life around it but acknowledging that reality helps soothe the brain. Soothing is always a plus when there's pain. To say there's absolutely no hope is as unrealistic as saying there is a guarantee. There's an article about how uncertainly is the most anxiety arousing of human conditions. Love brings out the deepest of feelings and the uncertainty can feel untolerable at times when the longing is so great.

 

I know a couple who divorced when he cheated on her with their best friend. Many years later they are now living together again and very best friends, with deep love. It was totally out of the blue for them. The healing power of time can be inestimable. Who knows what experiences someone will have that will one day lead them to realize the gem they left behind? That is always a possibility. Some people say that, at that point, it's too late and they would never take them back. Time can change people, smoothing the edges. Some people learn from mistakes and others don't. I was really baffled and frowning upon my friend when she took him back six years ago. I felt really protective of her and didn't want her with someone who had treated her this way. Six years later, they are still a couple.

[Civic204]

Good luck buddy, I'm going through a similar situation.