erroriam Posted April 14, 2010 Share Posted April 14, 2010 Hey guys, I'll post more details below but the important facts are that I've been in NC with my ex gf for like 7 weeks, we were long distance for a few months, she dumped me, we were together for a little more than a year (HS relationship to early 1st year of college), I was the more clingy, I didn't argue much or beg, and she's a tough cookie. She's also my first serious one, and I am hers. I want her back. Our relationship started breaking down I think mostly because of communication/balance issues. I wanted to talk to her when she wasn't in the mood, and I guess I bothered her about it a lot. When she didn't want to talk I ended up just complaining -- I can see how that'd get old. By the end of it she felt like she couldn't meet my expectations or something. When we fought we used to talk over it after a bit of cooldown, but before we broke up she ignored me for days. I'd inadvertently become more like a parent sometimes, almost scolding her for that. Things got better on VDay, but at the end of that week I managed to fail at giving her help, though I tried. She was frustrated and wasn't very courteous while I was trying, so I again let her know -- but I was too harsh when she was stressed. In any case that was the catalyst, she'd been doubtful in January as well. She's the type of girl that ignores or runs away when something hurts her, and I feel terrible for going from someone she wanted to someone who hurt her feelings. I hate cell phones. The last thing I heard from her was a question asking if I was ok, the night of the breakup (online -_-). I've been online and I see her on chat or fb, but she hasn't had anything to do with me. She seems to be happy though, but she always does that to the outside. Been busy with college/work, and I might not get a chance to see her much at all this summer... We both did some wrong things, but I feel like my life, excluding this, is coming together. She was a big light in my life, and I in hers, but she's got a lot of distractions and ambitions too. I've learned to be patient and mindful with a lot of help. How can I possibly think about getting her back when she's so far and so busy? How do I know when to stop NC? Has anyone had similar experiences, and did it turn out ok? Link to comment
erroriam Posted April 16, 2010 Author Share Posted April 16, 2010 But when does NC stop? I keep hearing about something about 8 weeks here...this girl is tough and she's honestly happy where she is. I'm afraid she's already forgotten everything Link to comment
snoopydog Posted April 16, 2010 Share Posted April 16, 2010 Error what is the 8 week thing you have heard? I want my ex back too. In my case we split up after 2 years because I lied and broke her trust (long story I won't go into it). I was hoping after a while in nc she would get over it but it doesn't seem to be happening! Link to comment
EEjustYOmeRE Posted April 16, 2010 Share Posted April 16, 2010 the best thing to do at this point is just give her space. BUT, if you insist on really trying to get her back, i suggest that you meet with her or write her a letter/email and explain everything as to how you feel and you being sorry for stuff....basically, how you explained it above. and tell her you still have feelings for her. but if she doesn't feel the same, then you HAVE TO respect that and let her live her life apart from you. and just hope that you guys can at least be friends...whether it be now, or somewhere down the line when the both of you are ready for a friendship at the very least. ..hope that helps a little. Link to comment
erroriam Posted April 17, 2010 Author Share Posted April 17, 2010 Snoopydog, I've seen that some suggest 8 weeks of no contact, but any more after that may just let her completely abandon any lingering feelings Of course it depends, but I'm getting close to that mark...and my birthday is soon Link to comment
erroriam Posted April 18, 2010 Author Share Posted April 18, 2010 Well, she wished me "happy birthday" on facebook. Any thoughts on how I should proceed? Link to comment
woodc5 Posted April 18, 2010 Share Posted April 18, 2010 Say "Thanks." You said it's getting to be about 8 weeks, so see if she tries to continue a conversation with you. If not, you can always try a little later. Link to comment
iain7119 Posted April 18, 2010 Share Posted April 18, 2010 It seems like the 8 week thing might be true. My ex has just told me she wants me back almost exactly 8 weeks after we split up! Try NC, it's the only tried and tested method. Link to comment
erroriam Posted April 19, 2010 Author Share Posted April 19, 2010 Thing is, I've thanked other people on facebook who wished me well on my bday also. Might be weird to exclude her? I don't even know. She seemed to have more inquisitive bday wishes for others around the same time but I'm probably overanalyzing there. Link to comment
woodc5 Posted April 19, 2010 Share Posted April 19, 2010 Thing is, I've thanked other people on facebook who wished me well on my bday also. Might be weird to exclude her? I don't even know. She seemed to have more inquisitive bday wishes for others around the same time but I'm probably overanalyzing there. It may have been a little awkward for her is all. You two haven't had contact in quite a while, so maybe she wasn't sure how you would take it. I wouldn't analyze that too much. Link to comment
erroriam Posted April 19, 2010 Author Share Posted April 19, 2010 Said thanks, hope you're doing well She responded, you too. Guess it's back to NIC... Link to comment
erroriam Posted April 26, 2010 Author Share Posted April 26, 2010 Found out inadvertently that she's only going to be near a few days this summer. I don't know whether or not I should try to call her and meet up...as I said she's very passive. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted April 26, 2010 Share Posted April 26, 2010 Found out inadvertently that she's only going to be near a few days this summer. I don't know whether or not I should try to call her and meet up...as I said she's very passive. If she hasn't given you any indication that she wants you back, I don't see the point. She may be passive, but not so much that she didn't break up with you right? Link to comment
hater13 Posted April 26, 2010 Share Posted April 26, 2010 NC should only stop when SHE wants it to stop. Otherwise NC and never turn back Link to comment
erroriam Posted May 3, 2010 Author Share Posted May 3, 2010 Hey guys, Would it be ok to send a postcard to her saying that I saw something on a trip that reminded me of her and to take care? Agh. Link to comment
erroriam Posted May 21, 2010 Author Share Posted May 21, 2010 I didn't send the postcard. It's coming up on 12 weeks NC/NIC. I've deactivated fb and tried to stay away from instant messengers, or at least stay invisible. She's coming to town soon...and she'll only be there for a little bit before leaving again. I'm having urges to call her up... Link to comment
stu1973 Posted May 21, 2010 Share Posted May 21, 2010 Hi, I'm in the same boat as yourself, will be 12 weeks this Saturday, here's what I'm doing at this stage, hope it helps! Link to comment
erroriam Posted May 21, 2010 Author Share Posted May 21, 2010 Bumped into her while visiting my old school...we talked and I could still make her smile a lot. I did try to attempt a serious talk though (yeah probably not the best idea but it's done) and basically just apologized for when I hurt her. She said she did some of the hurting too. She said she couldn't meet up on the account of family... I feel relieved but also at the same time really hurt. She looked great and seemed to be impressed with what I've been doing, and of course I made her smile. I really want to call her and try to arrange something but I know that's not a good idea.. Link to comment
erroriam Posted May 24, 2010 Author Share Posted May 24, 2010 Having a really bad day. I feel ready to give up, angry almost. She's happy with all her guy friends, and probably a new interest. How can she ever want me back when her life is looking up and her view of our relationship is hurt? Link to comment
Adge Posted May 24, 2010 Share Posted May 24, 2010 You'll find someone else erroriam. I have my up and down moments (some pretty horrid down ones!) but I try and keep positive knowing that there's always someone else I'll be able to love and adore My ex just wasn't right for me. She drained me financially, was very argumentative and extremely untidy! I deserve better I reckon. You'll have to go through the mill and the process of feeling pain, lonliness, frustration etc. At the end of it, you'll come out a stronger person Link to comment
jimbojones100 Posted May 24, 2010 Share Posted May 24, 2010 Said thanks, hope you're doing well She responded, you too. Guess it's back to NIC... I'd say that was well played. Link to comment
erroriam Posted May 24, 2010 Author Share Posted May 24, 2010 Another reason to give up for now, of course before I realized this there were enough already, she has plenty of guys around her. If she's already not in a rebound there's a lot to choose from -- and it's probably easy to forget about me with that. I'm sure I'd feel a little better if I were surrounded by lots of girls. Link to comment
erroriam Posted September 27, 2010 Author Share Posted September 27, 2010 Been a while since I posted. Yesterday was her birthday, and I called her. She was pretty neutral, and I didn't really bring up the past...I don't know if it was worth it or if it might make her see me more positively but I feel really sad. Link to comment
Lastchallenge Posted September 27, 2010 Share Posted September 27, 2010 Im sorry pal... i know what u mean i feel the same about my x Link to comment
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