i hurt you first, you hurt me worse

[veralyn]

It's a long story... But the point is, I lost the love of my entire life. I told him I'm in love with him when it was too late; he waited for me for three years. And now it's just too late; he says he's gone. But we've had it all.... We had the most magical, perfect, blissful relationship I, and with my whole heart I believe him too, will ever have. And I KNOW that deep down he hasn't truly moved on... He's just bitter, and forgets because he doesn't want to remember.... But we were so in love for so long, ten years, to just throw it away without a second chance.... I just don't know how to bring that out again. We're pretty far deep, but I believe in our love, it's always kept me going, and sometimes it's when something seems impossible that you have to believe in it the most and have faith that something will bring us back out again... sometime.... somewhere.... but I don't know what. Or what to do in the meantime...... We haven't spoken in months. Ultimately, he's pushing me away... but keeps coming back and calling here and there so I know there's stil a morcel of hope.... Advice pleeeeease my heart can't remain broken in a zillion pieces for much longer but i cant give up yet......

[oorange]

how long have you two broken up for? Did you guys fight? I am assuming that he wanted to break up and not you...have you two ever broken up before?

[veralyn]

how long have you two broken up for? Did you guys fight? I am assuming that he wanted to break up and not you...have you two ever broken up before?

 

we dated for 5 years

we've been broken up for almost 4

but have remained best friends since we broke up...

no, i dumped him wish i coulda known then what i know now

[oorange]

and i am assuming that you want him back now. but you told him today/recently, and he said he moved on already? Well in my opinion, it may be difficult for him to treat you as a girlfriend after you two were "best friends" for 4 years, which seems to be long. What did he say about it? He says that its gone (meaning the feelings are all gone)?

[misssmithviii]

Have you taken the time you perhaps talk to him about how you feel?

 

Maybe take him out on a nice lunch or dinner or something? Talk things over and hopefully he can at least give you the opportunity to try. If not, if he says things are truly over then honey, true love is respecting someone's decision to leave - wanting his happiness too. You can tell yourself "he loves me, I know he does" as many times as you want but if he's not wanting to be with you then he really doesn't honey.

 

I'm sorry this has happened though... hang in there

[veralyn]

and i am assuming that you want him back now. but you told him today/recently, and he said he moved on already? Well in my opinion, it may be difficult for him to treat you as a girlfriend after you two were "best friends" for 4 years, which seems to be long. What did he say about it? He says that its gone (meaning the feelings are all gone)?

 

That's exactly what he said. That he still loves me, but he learned to see me only as a friend, and isn't IN love with me the way he used to be. But if we could just move on and open up to that again, we would have the greatest love in the world. How can I help him to see me as a girlfriend again? Reignite that dying (almost dead) flame? Should I give him space and just see if he misses me and comes back? Or should I be fearless and try to win back his heart? Yea.... 4 years is long.... But then how come after 4 years my feelings for him are suddenly stronger than ever before...... Shouldn't I have gotten over it by now and too learned to see him as just a friend? To me, that means something pretty special.....

 

And it was September I tried to say something... we were both crying, it was emotional. he kept saying "i wish you said something sooner... i wanted it so bad... but ive moved on now..."

 

we've been at least friends for so long it's really hard to not talk to him... especially when it feels like such a waste

[misssmithviii]

Everybody has potential and I think you're more in love with the thought of what could be than what reality really is.

 

You don't want to spend all your time and energy trying to win someone over when they're clearly over you romantically and only see you as a friend. If anything, your persistence could just push him away ya know?

 

You need to live your own life right now, let things come as they way and no be blinded by this one-way-love you have for your ex; you could very well lose sight of someone amazing in the process.

[oorange]

gah...i am stuck in an emotional wreck myself. But all i can say to you is if you two are meant to be "together" then you will be. I don't know whats wrong or right, but in my opinion, i think that maybe you two should stop seeing each other for a while. If you stop seeing each other and maintain minimal contact, maybe he will realize that he misses you (not as a friend, but as a girlfriend?)

[veralyn]

Have you taken the time you perhaps talk to him about how you feel?

 

Maybe take him out on a nice lunch or dinner or something? Talk things over and hopefully he can at least give you the opportunity to try. If not, if he says things are truly over then honey, true love is respecting someone's decision to leave - wanting his happiness too. You can tell yourself "he loves me, I know he does" as many times as you want but if he's not wanting to be with you then he really doesn't honey.

 

I'm sorry this has happened though... hang in there

 

 

i like you

 

oh believe me, i've tried to get together with him so i can talk to him... we keep making plans, and then he just doesn't follow up.

 

but then he'll call or email me and apologize, and say let's be friends... and then go MIA again. he says it's the new girl he's dating who is really jealous.... but if you've been that close with someone for 10 years i think you should be able to be honest with them and tell them the truth about why you are cutting contact out of absolutely nowhere....

 

i will respect his wishes if ever i feel it's done. when it's 100% done, i will know it is... you feel those kinds of things in your heart. but something inside of me is saying it's not done yet, i just don't know how to help it along... yknow?

[doiiiieeezie]

He resigned to the fact that you two would never be together again, and that is natural. You will have to give him space and time to come to grips that you do in fact love him fully. If he is calling you, then answer and work through this. It's never too late to reconnect and you can't expect him to open up right away. You did dump him and he still has that in the back of his mind.

 

You can't expect it to happen in a day.... and if he is dating someone else then you need to step back, it really sounds more complicated than it should be at the moment.

[veralyn]

He resigned to the fact that you two would never be together again, and that is natural. You will have to give him space and time to come to grips that you do in fact love him fully. If he is calling you, then answer and work through this. It's never too late to reconnect and you can't expect him to open up right away. You did dump him and he still has that in the back of his mind.

 

You can't expect it to happen in a day.... and if he is dating someone else then you need to step back, it really sounds more complicated than it should be at the moment.

 

Wow. Bang on. Seriously. I think the same... That there is still potential in there, and I need be open to whether it happens or not, and not make it the ONLY option... But the only time I got to tell him was in a burst of emotional mess, because I was going to tell him I love him just as he was telling me he is dating this girl. It was like a slap in the face and three years of suppressed feelings just came out. I'm torn between giving it some room to breathe just bang, like that... Or writing him a final letting articulating all my thoughts the way I wish I got to say them, and then that's it...

[misssmithviii]

Thank you

 

I do believe in your heart it's not done yet, but if it is in his heart... then it is. Love is mutual.

 

Oh, and there's a new girl in his life? That should be your sign right there to respect his choice and respect his space. You don't want to be associated with drama (oh I hate using that word) in his life. If you want him to hold you in high regard then show him you respect yourself more than anything. A man loves a woman with confidence in herself to be without him... while that's not to say to fake it til you get him or anything, it's also a good step you might want to take in order to get your life going on.

 

I think you're a strong person to be able to handle this kind of heart ache. But I hope you'd taken something out of what I've said.

[misssmithviii]

After reading what you just posted, I think writing him a good, heartfelt letter would be best. But as long as you leave it at that afterwards.

 

When I lost my first bf (we had been together for awhile and he just said one day "I just don't love you anymore..." that's after giving me a 5-diamond promise ring) I had to return all his things, naturally. I was young, but I included a CD of songs that we had shared together and a few-page letter describing my feelings towards him.

 

I left it at that and although I never got him back (which in retrospect I am soooo thankful of) it was relieving and therapeutic to me.

 

Write him if you need to get these feelings out and he won't see you. H*ll write the letter anyways! Send it/give it to him. Then let that be the end of your efforts.

[veralyn]

thanks guys it's a really sad story, actually. everyone thought we'd be together forever. love is weird, isnt it?! i just... have NO idea how to get over it. and i just wonder if he ever thinks about me too he did only last summer, that's not that long ago considering... we had a great summer actually i don't kow what happened. guess what goes around comes around

[misssmithviii]

Hold your head up honey

 

You are worth so much more than to submit yourself to drowning in thoughts of him.

SMILE

 

^_^y