What the h*ck am I supposed to think?

[misssmithviii]

Ok... so as a little basis of understanding here I'll make this intro brief.

My man and I have been together for over a year, he's amazing, the cultured and moral gentleman who's down to earth; we share the same passion in life - we're perfect for eachother really and it helps that we essentially grew up together.

 

As for clarification: I know I shouldn't be thinking about this right now but I have only ever vented this on a few occasions and when the thought does enter my mind... I may remain calm on the exterior but I'm going nuts inside!

I just purely would like some positive feedback - perhaps someone more eloquent than my bf can speak on his behalf for me here. He's explained to me many times and my best friend, Michele has told me that my bf is honorable and telling the absolute truth. But it'd be nice to see someone else defend him in a sense - someone who is just more well-versed with their words.

 

Ok, simply now - my man now (bf) had first dated a friend I had named Evelyn. She was basically the hotter friend or whatever bc guys would always choose her over me. I hadn't been very close with her after I found out she had become a wh*re and used men for attention, led them on and threw them away whenever she wanted.

 

Yes I still have a complex I'm dealing with to get over the Russian big-breasted blonde, Evelyn but what I really find absurd to believe is that my man, Steven - never once slept with/did anything beyond kissing with her; He expects me to believe that he went on a vacation to Tahoe with her, they showered together for only a few seconds (she has a dreadful skin-condition that he claims was just too off-putting to him) and they slept in the same bed yet on other sides of it. Oh, and she's quite the .

 

Let me say first that I could care less if they did anything, but I don't ever excuse a lie... never. He tells me he didn't even like her after he got to know her, she was a typical stuck up b*tch according to him (and most) and he only brought her to Tahoe for platonic company bc his parents were taking him on a snowboarding trip and everyone else he invited was busy that time. (His family had these trips many times a year bc they have a house there in Tahoe).

 

So, is it possible? Do I believe this?

 

Please save the "you have trust issues" argument - I know I do and that is irrelevant to my question.

 

But do help me believe this is possible if you think it is.

[Sparkly Eyes]

I think it's better that you just don't know what happened, or you can just assume they slept together and move on!

[misssmithviii]

am I to accept that if he did sleep with her, he's lied to me?

Ugh it's not like I'm gonna leave him for what he's done in the past with her - I guess I'm wondering if anybody else thinks that's possible really and if I should trust him on this? It's especially difficult when he's absolutely perfect.

[sidehop]

Yep it's possible! Just because someone is drop dead gorgeous doesn't mean their personality and character will be just as attractive.

 

I knew a girl that was gorgeous but when it came to her oral hygiene and lifestyle...it was a complete turn off. She hid it very well though.

[misssmithviii]

@sidehop - thank you for the warning I got carried away

 

And thank you for your words of encouragement.

[Sparkly Eyes]

am I to accept that if he did sleep with her, he's lied to me?

Ugh it's not like I'm gonna leave him for what he's done in the past with her - I guess I'm wondering if anybody else thinks that's possible really and if I should trust him on this? It's especially difficult when he's absolutely perfect.

 

You are putting him in a difficult position here. God knows what trouble will arise later if he tells you he slept with her. So yes, he might be lying for the sake of not hurting you and the relationship. I think you should just stop thinking about it and let it go.

[misssmithviii]

@worriedgirl That's exactly what I'm afraid of really. But I have told him nearly verbatim "Babe, I care less about what you did with her now, but I feel like you might've rushed into saying you didn't do anything just so as not to hurt me. I won't hold it against you, I know you care about me but I really would just like to know the truth."

 

He looked at me and said without hesitation "I told you before and I'm telling you now, I didn't do anything with her [Evelyn]. She was gross once I got to know her, and see her naked. I thought she had changed from when I used to hang out with her but once I saw she hasn't, I just can't be attracted to a girl like that."

 

I never asked him under the pressure that I'd punish him either by leaving him or never trusting him or what-not.

[Sparkly Eyes]

Then believe him and let it go! He is not going to change his answer. If you really really want to know, why don't you ask your friend about it?

[misssmithviii]

She's not my friend anymore but thank you for your advice. I do believe he will never change his answer whether it is true or not and I just have to trust him. Scary thing for me to do heh but necessary for me to get the ___ over it ;]

 

Thank you.

[geekgirl4]

It sounds like he's a good man and you trust him to be one, hence its entirely believable that despite how gorgeous Evelyn is, she really could have some major turns offs that resulted in no sex whatsoever, and I think you should believe that. I've met some incredible handsome men but some things about them turned me off and I never did anything with them once I found out. If people are smart, they'll see past the exterior and realize interior is what really makes a person. Sounds like ur bf is like that!

[Taikero]

It's possible that "dreadful skin condition" was an STD, which would certainly be offputting and a sex killer for any clean guy.

 

I'd believe him. There are lots of hot women I want nothing to do with for one reason or another. If I believed a woman might get super clingy after we had sex (especially if it was supposed to be just sex), I'd probably not do it so as to avoid the ensuing drama and problems. Just one example.

[misssmithviii]

Thank you, I think you're only the second one who actually answered my question! Ahhh thank goodness.

 

He really is a good man, and after posting this I actually had a conversation with him. Every time, his answers are consistent no matter how many different things I ask and that really helped

Thank you geekgirl4 ,I really appreciate it.

[misssmithviii]

@Taikero:

 

I do believe that it's possible now. Just for clarification on your opinion, are you saying you could take a girl on a vacation, her be annoying to the point where you have lost total and complete interest but not take advantage of the situation when you're in the shower or in the same bed?

 

Just clarification if you would be able to do that - oh! and it helps you're around the same age as my man.

[Taikero]

@Taikero:

 

I do believe that it's possible now. Just for clarification on your opinion, are you saying you could take a girl on a vacation, her be annoying to the point where you have lost total and complete interest but not take advantage of the situation when you're in the shower or in the same bed?

 

Just clarification if you would be able to do that - oh! and it helps you're around the same age as my man.

 

If I was on a trip with some vicious, shallow, b****y girl who wouldn't shut up about gossip or badmouthing other people or whatever the entire time, she'd be lucky to get her back scrubbed in the shower.

 

Other things that could keep me away would be an STD, the potential to hurt her feelings if it was supposed to be "just sex", or anything else that would make me feel like I couldn't care enough about her to care if she enjoyed the sex or not. When I have sex I am very interested in making sure she enjoys it, and if I don't care about her enjoyment of anything anymore, then sex is unlikely to happen because I'll get little more out of it than what I could do for myself.

[misssmithviii]

@Taikero

LMAO thank you. Once again it does help that you actually referred to things I wrote and answered thoroughly instead of just saying "get over it" and whatnot. Thank you for understanding and the comedic factor behind your explanation was hilarious.

[guynextdoor]

Its very possible. I dated a woman for 3 months. She spent the night, and we never hooked up once. She wasn't shy when it came to discussing sex and fantasies, and we had amazing chemistry. She was very attractive woman I might add but to answer your question your man could be telling the truth. Hope that helps.

[Capricorn3]

Yep it's possible! Just because someone is drop dead gorgeous doesn't mean their personality and character will be just as attractive..

I agree with the above. Yes, it is possible and I would believe him. I asked my husband to read your scenario and he said, yes, absolutely it is possible.

 

Honestly, if I were you I'd quit agonizing over this and making yourself so miserable. If you carry on about this you risk losing your boyfriend. Is this really what you want? Let it go already and leave it be.