veralyn Posted April 13, 2010 Share Posted April 13, 2010 OK, so let me tell you the story first. I really hope some of you read it, because it's a long one and I reallllllly need help Where to begin... He's my love. I'm his love. But it got all up. I'm 21 years old now. But me and him have liked each other since we were 11. I remember even wondering to myself why I did, because he was such a nerdy kid, but something inside me just loved him so, so much, even then. He changed schools for a while, I never thought I'd see him again, even then. But then he came back... He "asked me out" when we were 13, you know how that goes at such a young age But it was like magic, we were just meant to be best friends forever. Since that day, we were inseperable for 5 solid, happy years. Every day. We were supposed to get married... But then when we were 18, I broke up with him... Not for a second because I stopped loving him; I always thought we were meant to be together. But I was moving away to school. And at such a young age, it's hard to not be at least a little curious about what else is out there in the world... So we took a break. I left, and he was heartbroken, depressed, just torn apart. BUT we remained really, REALLY good friends for 3 years. Still spoke every day, and he'd come to visit me all the time. But that's when it got all complicated... The whole time, he wanted me back so bad. And I kept shutting it down. BUT he had another girlfriend... He didn't even like her, she was just there to fill that hole. I was still his love. And the truth is, I missed him SO much the whole time too, and was just waiting for him to grow some balls and break up with her and fight for me back. Only now do i realize that I should have been the one to do the fighting. So basically, him and I continued to love one another, but I kept shutting it down... And neither one of us were really honest about our feelings. We just forced ourselves to stay in the "friend zone". Last summer, we were both finally single again at the same time. But we were so far into the "friend zone" that it got even further messed up. We hung out all the time... But I had my eye on someone else, and so did he. But there was still something between us that we just never talked about... He was still trying, and I was still blind. He invited me over all the time, even asked me if I thought we'd be able to date again. I said "yes", because I secretly wanted to... But that was it. Until we slept together for the first time since we broke up 3.5 years ago. And it was like at the exact same time: I wanted him back in my life for good (but STILL didn't say so, in fear of ruining our friendship), and he began to distance himself and just stopped talking to me. He suddenly jumped into another relationship right around the time I thought we were finally rekindling our destined love... And maybe I'm wrong, but I don't think he is truly in love with her. He's been ignoriong me ALL year, which is hard for me to understand because he's been my best friend for 10 years. Except for one day when he randomly called me, apologized for being such a jerk, and said it's because his girlfriend has serious jealousy issues and doesn't want us to be friends. A few months ago, when he told me he was dating her... I lost it, because I was just about to finally tell him how I am still in love with him. And 3 years of suppressed emotion came out. We were both crying, it was awful. He said "i'll always love you, im just not in love with you the same way i was before. maybe one day... but we'll always be friends." and he kept saying "i wish you had said something sooner...". So, I NEED to win him back. He was so in love with me for so long and I was such a and didn't realize that I might lose him in the wait. I truly believe that him and I are meant to be together, no matter what happens in between. And I'm miserable. I don't know how to adore anyone but him... And I don't know how to get over him so long as all these questions are left unanswered... It feels like such a waste that we are not together. We jsut kept getting timing all messed up. I think that HE perceives the situation as he was always there, always trying to win me back... And I wouldn't have it, and he got fed up. Which is partially true. But what he DOESN'T see is all the hints I gave him that I still love him so much, and it wouldn't take much if you'd just fight a little...... We kinda stopped communicating properly when we broke up lol I don't know if he's ignoring me because he truly is over it... Or if he was just so hurt that last summer something in him snapped and he said " it, i need to get over this broad...".... And I don't know if I should just keep quiet and let him be, and hope he comes back and calls me one day... Or if I should make a grand gesture and prove to him that I would do anything for him... He's my best friend, how are you supposed to go on without your best friend Please help. Is he genuinely over it, or still thinking of me and just doesn't know how to deal with the conflict of his girlfriendzilla??? Advice especially appreciate from males who have been hardened by love. xoVera. Link to comment
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