Why am I finding this SO hard?!

[redherring]

WHY?!

We broke up 21 months ago.

We almost got back together a year ago.

Then HE messed things up- phoning me up in the middle of the night and telling me he never wanted to see me again- for reasons I still don;t understand further than 'he was suicidally depressed and thats what suicidal people do'.

Its been almost a whole year since I've spent any time with him in person.

I haven't had a proper conversation with him since mid-October- the last contact I had with him was a text in mid-Jan, he was asking me how I was.

 

I'm always upset about it, even if that upset doesn't overspill into my everyday life anymore.

Today I've spent almost an hour in my room crying about it.

 

I feel like I'm going mad- I'm so frustrated with the whole situation. I just CANT seem to get past it, no matter what I do.

Or I'll feel like I got somewhere... and then something else will set me back.

 

Today marks the anniversary of the first time we slept together, and it sucks.

I miss him so much. No amount of new city to live in, new life and new friends seems to help me feel over it. :sad:

I miss him so much but I can't get in touch with him, he messed things up and its up to him to fix it. things wont ever get work until he's happier with himself anyway.

 

it just sucks, it hurts so much and I don't know why I'm still struggling THIS much after SO long and SO much drama. :sad:

 

Rant over.

[Rotxsen]

I'm sorry but all I gotta say is lucky bastard.

[redherring]

I'm sorry but all I gotta say is lucky bastard.

 

Who?

And why? :S

[Rotxsen]

your ex is a luck man because you don't see this kind of true love anymore I know what he did was wrong and very immature but for you to withhold feelings for him for two years after the break up it's really remarkable.

 

In other words like we people say in New York you are wifey material lol you deserve something special my dear no leftovers from this guy, eventually in due time things will get better I know how it feels because I went through the same saying why I can't get over this person until I realized I was my own problem I kept over thinking about it then I realized how to let go by stop thinking and go with the flow only to think of me, myself and I and those who loved me in other words let him be he has lost something dear that he might never get back on this life and maybe will get it the next.

[redherring]

Thanks, thats very sweet of you.

 

Although I wouldn't judge him too harshly- he's very confused and unhappy, I don't think he really knew what he was doing (or why) and I agree with you- its cost him a great deal. I think he'll come to regret his actions, if he doesn't already.

....but man it sucks. I miss him.

 

I've been trying to focus on myself, I figured I have self esteem issues so I'm going to start some counseling soon.

See how I feel after all of that.

[Rotxsen]

Well he brought himself that type of pain but think about this for a sec if he's unhappy without you how would he react when he's with you more happier you know what does that mean? He does not have self control just like you, you need to figure yourself out see what truly makes you happy without the need of having somebody then you can share love and happiness with others because if you don't love yourself who truly will you only have yourself in that matter sweetheart with all due respect you might love him but you two are nowhere near qualify to be on a strong bond relationship because everything might be nice in the beginning but the first struck of problems you guys are going to fall apart because there's no real structure in the relationship you get me? but like I said keep focusing yourself and I still think you are wifey material because you can hold on to love for so long you don't see that a lot these days.

[IvantheAvg]

Relationships ending cause wounds bottom line.

 

Human beings are social beings...that shared history with him is now jsut with you.

 

Sometimes getting over someone can take years.

 

Just take it one day at a time...stay/go NC...and defend yourself against his communications.

 

Its like kicking heroin. Everyday is a battle. Relapses happen. Just set a new abstinence date and start counting the days.