To send or not to send; that's the question.

[t_rex]

It's been a year since my ex and I broke up.

So the story goes,

 

my ex and I were together for about seven months. during that time, my dad got even sicker and spent a month in the hospital before passing away. This was an extremely hard time for me. I started to feel suffocated by my bf. I felt I wasn't given grieving space. I'd tell him I wanted to be alone and he'd show up unexpectedly at my house. Stuff like that.

I was incredibly angry during this time, not just because of his behaviour but also of my dad. I know I projected all my negative emotions on him. This is when our relationship seemed to go downhill. I shut him out because I was starting to feel he didn't care. Our relationship seemed to disengrate. There was no real closure. it just seemed to end. Neither of us seemed to bother trying to mend things. I know at 17 years old I shouldn't take relationships so seriously I'm told, but I still regret the way I treated him.

 

I've learned and grown a lot in the past year or so since breaking up. I realize I should have treated him better. He wasn't just my bf, he was one of my best friends. I didn't realize until after he was just trying to be there for me during a difficult time.

 

I want to send him a letter apologizing for not being a better gf to him. But is it selfish? Does it give the message I want to get back together? I don't know if I want that, but I do know I want him in my life. Like I said, he was also a best friend to me and I regret letting things fall apart. I don't know what to do. Should I let it go? There was no closure. We haven't had contact since breaking up a year ago. I feel I need closure for myself, I need it to move on. He was my first serious bf, during the hardest time in my life so it's a bit hard to let it go and move on. And I feel I should say sorry for how I was.

 

Advice?!

[minou]

I think it's a really good idea to say you're sorry and explain the stress you were under at the time.

[Vince99]

do not send that letter unless you want him back.

[whattodo87]

If we hurt someone we love and we feel guilty about it, they should know that. We should give them an apology and in this case a thanks. I understand why you may not want to lead him on, and why others my dissaude you lest the letter comes off like that, but he's a big boy. If you only want to send an apology, then send it. It will mean something. If you only want to send an apology and to ask for some of your friendship back, then write him that. If you are unsure what you want yet, but know you want him back in your life, then leave that door open.

 

Be honest with what you want and how you feel. When you write, just make sure that you articulate those feelings with complete clarity. Let him decide what he wants to do.