How do you stop caring that your ugly?

[Blockhead1013]

I don't know why it bothers me so much. A lot of tiny, stupid things bug the hell out of me, and this especially does. I think its because I feel pretty shallow; I definitely care about other aspects besides looks, but I primarily base first impressions on looks. I really wish I wasn't like this, it annoys me that I'm like this and I hate myself for it. But I'm really not that good looking. Even if I work very hard on my body and hair and style I'm still not really that attractive. I've been told I'm cute sometimes, but never hot.

 

The worst part about it is if I hear a girl telling me I'm ugly or overheard a girl calling me ugly or gross (which has happened in the past) it irritates me to no end and just makes me super depressed. I wish I could stop putting so much emphasis and worth on my looks, because I know its really not worth it, but I can't realize this for some reason.

 

I'm super lucky to not have any physical malformations, but I still just am super bummed that I'm ugly.

[waveseer]

Who you are determines your attractiveness, it's what makes you pleasant company.

[Capricorn3]

I think looks is very subjective. Most guys who I find attractive, my friends don't find attractive at all - they are usually shocked, lol, and all they guys that they rave about and say are totally gorgeous/hot, I wouldn't give a second glance.

 

If you take care of yourself, your health, fitness, good hygiene etc etc, then I wouldn't take notice of people and their dumb comments. Hold your head up high and with pride.

[Blockhead1013]

Who you are determines your attractiveness, it's what makes you pleasant company.

 

There's a certain point where it doesn't matter if you're pleasant company.

[waveseer]

There's a certain point where it doesn't matter if you're pleasant company.

 

It always matters. Attitude is everything.

[Capricorn3]

It always matters. Attitude is everything.

I totally agree with the above!! Attitude IS pretty much everything. If one has a "woe is me" attitude, (which is very off-putting), it won't win you many friends etc. Attitude is very much the key here.

[Blockhead1013]

But I feel like I don't give that attitude off anyways... I feel like I mask it very well. If I don't then it must be too subconsciously embedded into me that I don't even realize it, but I really feel like I don't have a bad attitude in front of people. That's what makes me so depressed; I feel like my attitude won't help me anyways.

[waveseer]

But I feel like I don't give that attitude off anyways... I feel like I mask it very well. If I don't then it must be too subconsciously embedded into me that I don't even realize it, but I really feel like I don't have a bad attitude in front of people. That's what makes me so depressed; I feel like my attitude won't help me anyways.

 

Other people may not realize exactly what lays behind your mask, but you bet they can perceive that you're wearing one. It makes people nervous.

[Blockhead1013]

Alright. Well is there anyway I can stop caring that I'm so ugly?

[waveseer]

Alright. Well is there anyway I can stop caring that I'm so ugly?

 

Everyone has something to offer others, why not put your self judgment in perspective? Hardly anyone is completely satisfied with how they look, but many people master the art of accepting themselves as a whole.

[dragon lady]

Go and visit a burn unit in a hospital. If that doesn't make you feel pretty, then nothing will. It might also help you appreciate things besides looks, which can be lost at the drop of a hat- and has for many burn victims.

 

I haven't seen your picture, but I'm sure there are people worse off than you.

[Blockhead1013]

Go and visit a burn unit in a hospital. If that doesn't make you feel pretty, then nothing will. It might also help you appreciate things besides looks, which can be lost at the drop of a hat- and has for many burn victims.

 

I haven't seen your picture, but I'm sure there are people worse off than you.

 

I totally realize this. But it doesn't make me feel pretty, I'm just grateful that I haven't suffered anything like that. There are definitely people worse off than me. But that doesn't change the fact that I'm still ugly.

 

And I have accepted it, I just want to learn to not let put downs and rejection get to me so much; especially when its regarding looks.

[ProtestTheHero]

You used the word pretty so I'm assuming you aren't a guy, but I will tell you what I did. Throughout school up until my late teens, women would make fun of me, tell me I was unattractive to my face, blah, blah, blah, same sob story that many others can identify with. It affected me a lot and to an extent it can still be bothersome. You will probably not completely eradicate the fact that you care, you just have to put it in perspective. Can I get a girl? Yeah, I just have to be on top of my game at all times and work her over like a used car salesman. Optimal? No. But I can do it, and knowing I can do it is enough. If you're female, there are plenty of ways to work over guys that will ease the feeling that you're undesirable and what not. Guys are not difficult.

 

Other than that I have just basically pursued my interests and hobbies. I don't allow myself to be photographed so that I don't trigger those feelings. Every now and then if I'm feeling exceptionally bad I drink. Most of the time I just tell myself that most things in my day to day routine do not require me to be attractive or factor in my looks. I ignore the things that do (like most women) and go about my business until I either improve or get over it, but this is something therapy could not help so I'm just trying to improve my looks.

 

It's difficult to do -- it requires that you are able to put things into perspective relatively quickly to avoid bouts of depression and you have to be willing to put the whole sex/dating thing on hold for large sections of time.

 

I know this isn't a pie in the sky answer filled with hope, but let's face, we live in a pretty superficial world. If you are attractive and have a great personality, they call you BF or GF. If you just have a positive attitude, you're pretty cool for an ugly person (they don't expect that you're capable of being normal, it's like the cream filled center).

[getbiii]

you stop by start loving yourself,

you are who you are and always will be and honestly it doesn't matter if your hot or not.

we have all seen those hot girls with the lowest creeps ever!

and no its not about there money,

its because they have what most men lack,

love in them selves.

as soon as you can start loving yourself, the sooner you will have extra love to give around.

you will start being happy, having fun, etc etc etc and then it will rain girls.

because they will want what they don't have, happiness.

 

=)

 

so start by stop hating yourself.

honestly do this,

grab a paper... and write down 10 things you like about your self,

after that everytime you feel down for the same reason keep adding things

[SarahRose]

I really doubt you are ugly.

 

I strongly suspect that you are a young person and with that comes feeling awkward and self-conscious because you really haven't developed who you are yet. A lot of people are late bloomers.

 

My advice would be to focus on yourself in doing a variety of things like getting a good education, a career that you enjoy. Get some hobbies like travel, art, sport, music or whatever you are interested in. Read a lot, volunteer, get involved in life.

 

If you develop yourself, you'll be way ahead of the game that the other vapid shallow youngsters are doing right now.

 

Once men and women get past the shallow phase, they start looking for people who are interesting and with substance, you'll be at the top of the list.

[Blockhead1013]

I'm an 18 year old male. I have gotten the exact same advice over and over again for the past two years (referring to all the advice in here) and gone to therapy and I just don't know what to do anymore. This doesn't help. Drugs don't help. PLEASE KILL ME.

 

I don't like one thing about me.

I have no interests or hobbies.

I have no life. I hope I get hit by a car on the way to work tomorrow and die because I'm too much of a wimp to kill myself. I'm so sick of everything.

 

I'm done with this site and self-help books. I gain nothing from it. Thanks for trying to help, but I guess I'm just an exception to the psychological world.

[Capricorn3]

I have no interests or hobbies..

Why not try and find some interests or hobbies? What's stopping you? There are millions of things you CAN do with your life and it's up to YOU to make the effort. You can't just sit around doing nothing and expect things to magically happen for you. Make the effort and DO something.

[getbiii]

=) hahahaha have you even tried being optomistic?

i mean come on,

just look at what you wrote its negative upon negative which just gets you more sad/mad and it leads in a vicious cycle when in reality everything has two sides too it,

every story! every person, thing, word and action has a winner side and a loser side,

its just a matter of what you chose =)

go for the winner side,

 

let me rewrite what you wrote and tell me what you think.

 

i don't like one thing about me?

thats cool, no one is really satisfied with themselves after all thats why we are alive,

to achieve and have goals, if we were born being happy life wouldn't have a meaning =)

so lets just say you have a little more to live for.

 

you have no interests or hobbies?

your 18!!! thats so bad asss! not having to stick to one thing the rest of your life and then wondering what others would have been like! you have a wider area to chose from =) and find yourself a hobby slash interest. go explore and experiment.

 

im so glad you aren't one of those psychos that would kill themselves!

 

they are honestly the whimps! giving up, pfff...

 

you say you don't have a life?

or you don't have the life you would want to have? =)

if so then you know what you don't want =) now do something about having what you do want.

 

 

 

tell me what you think =)

[SarahRose]

I'm an 18 year old male. I have gotten the exact same advice over and over again for the past two years (referring to all the advice in here) and gone to therapy and I just don't know what to do anymore. This doesn't help. Drugs don't help. PLEASE KILL ME.

 

I don't like one thing about me.

I have no interests or hobbies.

I have no life. I hope I get hit by a car on the way to work tomorrow and die because I'm too much of a wimp to kill myself. I'm so sick of everything.

 

I'm done with this site and self-help books. I gain nothing from it. Thanks for trying to help, but I guess I'm just an exception to the psychological world.

 

I promise you that things will get better. This phase will pass. I know it doesn't seem like it right now.

 

It is up to you to make the life and you do that by just picking different things to do and doing them without worrying about it. For example say you wanted to learn the guitar. Well you would just get a guitar and take some lessons and do it and practice without worrying or overthinking about it. You would just enjoy the journey.

 

I would strongly recommend volunteering. Find some organization, hospital, etc. and call them up and volunteer.

 

Please don't give up. You have your entire life ahead of you to create and enjoy.

[xyzzzz]

I dunno if ur a guy or a girl? I have the same problem as u...I want every hot guy who passes me think Im hot haha..but since it's obviously impossible and it makes me super tired,mentally.I just keep telling myself not to think about this.Not to focus on guys(I only worry my look when it has to do with guys).And it works.

If ur a guy,just accept it.I know some guys who are not physically attractive at all and they have no problem getting girls.Seriously, accept the truth about ur face it makes everything easy.To me,not willing to face the fact that Im not hot is the key thing that makes me exhausted.

[chelsea13]

I dunno if ur a guy or a girl? I have the same problem as u...I want every hot guy who passes me think Im hot haha..but since it's obviously impossible and it makes me super tired,mentally.I just keep telling myself not to think about this.Not to focus on guys(I only worry my look when it has to do with guys).And it works.

If ur a guy,just accept it.I know some guys who are not physically attractive at all and they have no problem getting girls.Seriously, accept the truth about ur face it makes everything easy.To me,not willing to face the fact that Im not hot is the key thing that makes me exhausted.

 

Yea I had that problem too, it was so hard for me to admit that I'm not that attractive, and it was so tiring. I viewed myself with such importance, as if all guys have to pay attention to me. In reality things are entirely different, I never get noticed. But I guess it's not so bad afterall... now I can admit that I'm not a super beautiful girl. To try to be something you're not is exhausting.

[LightbulbSun]

I've also been called ugly, too. I put a picture of me (granted, it was a bad picture) up on a forum, and asked people to rate my looks. Well, I got back 30 answers saying I was ugly and hideous, and looked like 'a monster', and that I 'should just kill myself, because I'm too ugly to ever get a girlfriend.'

 

Despite this, I've had girls in real life tell me I'm hot. And other girls feel indifferent.

 

I think it's more about how well you mesh with the girl, and what HER personality is like, rather than if you have movie star looks. There are some really stuck up, shallow girls out there, but those are the ones you have to avoid. And not every attractive girl is like that.

[Blockhead1013]

Well I guess I'm just stuck in the worst age group for dating beyond looks.

[Bella20]

you learn the difference between your and you are.

 

[LightbulbSun]

OP, just ignore Bella's reply. That was stupid.

 

I think, if you're less blessed in the looks department, you have to work on your personality to outweigh your looks. It's true that, sometimes, an attractive girl will be blown away by a good personality and good social skills, and will put less emphasis on looks.

 

Work on your humor skills.