feeling soooooo down right now guys

[flyguy23]

Even though she and I have been broken up for over a month now I saw her yesterday for the first time to give her things back. Now I keep replaying that event in my head. How I only saw her for a minute and nothing was barely said. Not only that as I lie in bed right now I jus keep havin pity in my life. I keep thinkin how I work till midnight 3 to 4 times a week now and because of it I won't ever meet anyone again because in my heart I believe that's one of the reasons she's not with me now. Now I hate my job and I'm hating moving cuz it killed us. Well she let it kill us. I don't know, nothing feels right right now. I mean when I saw her yesterday I was cool and collective n did not show emotion. I'm jus hating life right now cuz I kee blaming for moving and taking a different job. I feel like if I didn't we wud still be together. So now I think ill never find anyone again. And she wasn't perfect but she was all I had althoughshe treated me like crap. Was it the right thing to do by not saying anything to her yesterday? I didn't wanna beg or put her on a pedestal. I haven't called or texted her. This is tuff guys

[misssmithviii]

I'm so sorry for your loss...

 

She treated you like crap though man, whether you find another sooner or later - regardless you are better off without her if she mistreated you.

[kelly155]

Flyguy23, I know exactly how you feel. After my break up, I had a few things of his that I wanted to give back, but at the same time the reason I wanted to give him those things back was because I wanted to see him again. I felt maybe he'd change his mind after he sees me..etc...but my friend told me to remain STRICT NO CONTACT....that my ex was NOT going to react, say or do anything that I wish he would and that would only hurt me more. I choose not to give him his stuff back unless he called and ask....and guess what? he never called.

 

My point is, it's hard for us dumpees to see our ex's too soon. We are going through the stage of denial & healing. It sucks to be hurting so much! And I hated hearing people say...move on...it will get better...mostly when I was in that stage where I'm feeling like I'll never get over it.

 

But let me tell you, it's been 2 months for me and I'm starting to feel OKAY about life. I do however from time to time have my ups and downs....but I have been feeling better and better each day and YOU will too. It's hard, I know, but moving on is all we have left to do at this point.

[flyguy23]

I'm so sorry for your loss...

 

She treated you like crap though man, whether you find another sooner or later - regardless you are better off without her if she mistreated you.

 

Thanks misssmithviii I hope your right. Right now everything seems so difficult. How can I go out when I work 3 to 4 nites a week. I think she got annoyed when I took this job cuz she worked mornings. Man what was I thinkin. She even blamed the job. If I stayed put we wouldve still been together not Written in stone though. It just hurts right now

[misssmithviii]

I know it hurts but you cannot blame yourself for her walking out. Focus on yourself for awhile and indulge in your interests Get your mind off of it ya know?

 

Whenever I had to go through this in the past I would take the time to be me, engulf my world with what will get me further toward my goal.

[flyguy23]

Honestly it feels so hard right now to do anything. On my days off I think of things to do but then I just don't feel like doing them. Everything reminds me of her. I'm a huge baseball fan and now I don't even watch it because we love the same team. Like I said I didn't say anything to her when I saw her. I didn't beg for her to take me back. I'm wondering if she saw that. I hate the fact I'm upset and she doesn't seem it. On a positiv note I'm remaining nc. Guess I just need more time because seeing her made me go back to square one in away

[HurtStudent]

No Contact is the way to go.

 

It will always hurt, but the more you break contact- the less the hurt becomes. After a while, you will slowly begin to forget about the times you had together.

 

When you break contact- the pain comes back again, but not as much as the first time. Definitely not as much.

 

The expression time heals all stands true- just focus on yourself right now and focus on what you want to do with your life. If you really do hate your job because of YOURSELF (and not her) then this is a great opportunity to start researching what job you want to do and how to work to achieve it.

 

I think this is a situation where you are damned if you do, damned if you don't. I spoke to my ex recently and pretty much proclaimed my undying love. I think you'll find the lack of response to that will destroy you more than the "should I tell her?"

[yonanz]

sorrie to hear , i noe its tough, but hang in there, we are all NC-ing as well, and dont u dare touch that cellphone

 

anyway, dude, be strong. i totally understand ur guilt and ur blame. blaming events for causing your breakup, wishing u hadnt done this or that so the break wouldnt have occurred. please stop this train of destructive thoughts. its normal to feel this way,trying to ascribe blame and beating yourself over the breakup, thinking that if u had done things differently maybe the breakup wouldnt have happened.

 

but understand this - ur tinking from hindsight. u looking at the rearview mirror dude. if people knew they were getting into a car accident, they would avoid drivinga car that day. if people knew it was going to rain tomorrow they would cancel their barbecue party. if people knew they were going to trip and fall on the pavement they would have avoided that pavenment. but guess what? no one noes! u only noe AFTER it has happened. that is why car accidents happen, that is why we cancel our barbecue parties in disappointment, that is why we curse and swear after falling down, because we wouldnt know until the accident has happened, until the rain has fallen, until we have tripped over the stone and fell. so looking back in hindsight is tempting and guilt-inducing but telll yourself things happen the way it had....and there was nothing u could have done to change it..and things were just the way it were that point of time. once u accept this reasoning u will start to not blame yourself and slowly forgive yourself for the mistaes u made.

 

dude, every mistakes is a lesson we learn. of course, it would be best if we make as few mistakes as possible, but for those few we made, take them as learning lessons so we can avoid making them in the future. avoiding makking mistakes depends on two things - sound judgement [includes logic and intuition], as well as past experiences.

 

so dude, forgive yourself and dont be so hard on yourself. learn to accept and let go. whenver u feel down, come in here and rant. life is beautiful, dont let it down just because of a girl ok.

[flyguy23]

Yonanz that was very inspirational! I am honestly going to print out what you just said and keep it with me whenever I feel down. Man I'm starting to feel better already. Thankyou so much. I think its awesome ppl on ena care so much for one another. We have never met anyone but we share the same feelings and problems. Your right I need to stop blaming myself for events. I consider myself a good decent person. That's why I was calm when I saw her. Ill be the better person for me. I need to go out and live my life. I'm sure ill still have my good days and bad days but this is why were here. For the first time ever I'm doin good with nc. When we first broke up I was on nc for 3 weeks until she contacted me for her stuff. Now its back to ns once again. We both had our faults. The best I can do is learn from all this for the next person and I hope she does too. Thankyou again!