I feel irrational, but I can't help it....

[Maroney555]

When my husband and I first started dating, he used to look at a LOT of porn and handle things for himself. We were having a lot of sex at the time, so he was bordering sex addiction which he himself admitted.

 

We are married and still have a healthy sex life, but I have this irrational fear that he's still taking care of himself a lot. If he's taking too long in the shower, I worry. When I at work and our roommate is gone so he is home alone, I worry. Last night, I could have sworn he was doing so in his sleep...movements, noises, ya.

 

It's embarrassing to admit all of this, but I don't know. After last night's possible "event," I am increasingly paranoid I don't like being this way and it makes it worse when I call him out and he denies it, basically lying to my face and then he'll admit it during a more casual conversation at a later time....

 

Advice?

[sidehop]

You said you two have healthy sex life, is there deep reasoning for you not wanting him to masturbate? Are you maybe afraid he's not thinking of you when he's alone doing this or other possible fear?

 

It's quite normal for any healthy & happy couples to masturbate.

[Maroney555]

You said you two have healthy sex life, is there deep reasoning for you not wanting him to masturbate? Are you maybe afraid he's not thinking of you when he's alone doing this or other possible fear?

 

It's quite normal for any healthy & happy couples to masturbate.

 

It moreso stems from when we first got together and he was looking at a LOT of porn while doing it and yes, I have never liked the idea that he's thinking of other women, which I know, is something I have to work on.

 

But also, it makes me feel like I am not enough for him. We have always had a lot of sex, so in my mind, I have never understood why he would still need to do that.

 

I just feel it was a little much and perhaps it's still that much, especially because although we have a lot of sex, its not as much as when we was borderline addicted to sex.

 

And I don't like that he would lie to me about it....

[blindfold]

I'm sorry but I didn't get your question: you are comfortable with him masturbating (which, btw, I am also for, great way to maintain sex drive, despite what people might say), but now you are no longer in favour of this behaviour? Have you spoken to him about it, and about how it bothers you?Is he doing it more frequently now?

[Maroney555]

I'm sorry but I didn't get your question: you are comfortable with him masturbating (which, btw, I am also for, great way to maintain sex drive, despite what people might say), but now you are no longer in favour of this behaviour? Have you spoken to him about it, and about how it bothers you?Is he doing it more frequently now?

 

Well, really, I don't like when he watches porn and for me, masturbating, as long as it doesn't interfere, and it's out of sight, out of mind, I guess it doesn't bother me. I just feel like he does it too much and I am always paranoid that he is doing it when I am not around.

 

I just really got freaked out last night when it seemed like he was doing so in his sleep???

[Maroney555]

I guess my question is how can I stop worrying and assuming he's constantly masturbating if I'm not around?

[Day_Walker]

I think that you have to accept the fact that you cannot control his thoughts, and that it is not healthy for you to think that you can. His personal time is just that, and nothing you can say or do will change what he thinks about during his personal time.

[hexaemeron]

You are creating a problem in your marriage where none exists. Just be happy you have a great sex life and leave. it. alone. Fixed things don't need fixed.

[KG]

You are creating a problem in your marriage where none exists. Just be happy you have a great sex life and leave. it. alone. Fixed things don't need fixed.

 

This sums it up nicely.

[sidehop]

Like others have said I don't think there's anything to worry about.

 

The concern would be if the sex life between you two were just horrid and you catch him just masturbating all day to porn. Then there's an issue.

[penelope13]

It's not clear to me if you are having issues with the masturbation, or with his (potential) porn use?

 

In regards to his masturbation, there is nothing much you can do about it or should be doing about it: every person has a different physiology and you can't force someone to suppress their biology just because you are insecure about it and you can't relate to it. If he has an extremely high sex drive, he might really need the physical release in order to get comfortable through the day. This is not a question about if you are enough/ attractive for him or not.

 

If this is about his use of porn, try to sit down with him in a quiet moment and ask him if he is still watching, without accusing him. Personally I don't feel there is anything wrong with watching porn, but I understand that for some people it is.

 

Try to identify what precisely your fear/ concerns/ insecurities are before you talk to him about it.

[Maroney555]

Alright, thanks everyone.

[greywolf]

Well, really, I don't like when he watches porn and for me, masturbating, as long as it doesn't interfere, and it's out of sight, out of mind, I guess it doesn't bother me. I just feel like he does it too much and I am always paranoid that he is doing it when I am not around.

 

I just really got freaked out last night when it seemed like he was doing so in his sleep???

 

But it sounds like it doesn't interfere with your sex life and that he doesn't do it right in front of you, but it still bothers you. There's nothing wrong with masturbation. It doesn't mean that you're inadequate. There are times when I'd rather masturbate than have sex. Sometimes I just don't feel like going through the whole effort of pleasing someone else.