He broke my heart - all over again...

[watchingstorms]

We met yesterday, after the confusing signals he sent me last week (would always love, always wants me in his life....) he tells me that he is having s£x with someone, not 'seeing' her as in a relationship, it's just s£x. And he's still playing around over financial arrangements which keeps me hanging on since I cant afford to see 'legal' people I'm trying to play nice since I'm at the mercy of his decision. I wonder if he's aware of how he's controling me? He cried when I said I couldn't be his friend and couldn't see a place in his life if I wasn't his girlfriend, infact he cried three times during our meeting. I can't go full NC just yet, simply because of the money situation - but I need to let him know he cant treat me like his play thing. He has at last agreed to meet and talk to me about why he left me - is it worth me even having the conversation? Does it matter now? Will this give me closure or just serve to rub more salt into the wound he keeps on opening???

 

Just needed to put words down, any advice or thoughts would be an extra bonus, thanks.

[sidehop]

Are you forced to be nice because of this legal situation? It sounds like he left you for another woman while trying to string your emotions along and do so every time you meet. I'm sure he's not completely over you, after all you two were together for nine years. As far as the meeting, it's only going to make the situation worse, you two will miss each other while he has this 'play thing' that he's supposedly dating.

 

I would be firm in getting the financial part taken care of first with him. Otherwise it's going to drag along at his will, not yours.

[Live-N-Learn]

I would do your best to stick with only discussing the financial matter since he has already confessed to moving on and sleeping with someone else. You did the right thing by telling him you can not be in his life.

 

I suggest doing it over the phone.

[RedDress]

I suggest doing it over the phone.

 

I agree. Why must you meet in person again and again? He is making excuses to see you.

 

The type of person who is going to do right by you financially, will do right by you no matter what. The type of person who is going to jerk you around financially will do so no matter what.

 

Every time you see him, you are just cracking that wound back open. If it's over - it's time to let that wound heal.

 

I don't know what kind of financial situation we are talking about or how much money is involved - but if it's not a crazy amount of money you may want to consider just letting that go too. Your mental health is worth more. Of course, if it's tens of thousands of dollars, that may be a different story.

[AutumnBorn]

I've been there with my ex (unfortunately, we were married for many years and have two children together, so NC is out of the question), so take it from someone who knows...he's trying to have his cake and eat it, too. Stick by your principles and don't let him use you as a crutch.

 

It doesn't matter why he broke up with you. Your closure is in the fact that he said goodbye and has begun seeing someone else. Yes, he says it's just sex, not a relationship, but does the other woman know that she's just a sex toy? And how can you respect a man who would use a woman like that? (My ex has been seeing his sex toy, whom he insists to this day is not a relationship, for 10 months now. They go to dinner, movies, business functions together on a regular basis and she's met our children.) Your ex's statement that it's not a "relationship" is B.S. Unless she's a prostitute and sex is a business transaction, it's a relationship.

[watchingstorms]

Thanks for your advice guys, it really means a lot to get responses. I went to see him again tonight and I stood my ground (yay!) He will sort the money out by the end of next week and we talked about why he left. I stayed calm and hopefully expressed myself appropriately. He apologised for giving me mixed messages, he said he thought the CD was a 'nice' thing to do and the note was just him saying he will always love me and still wants us to be friends. He cried again when I said that wouldn't be possible. I hugged him when I left and then collapsed in a big emotional heap when I got home. I feel sad but nothing has changed really has it? I didn't have his love yesterday and I dont have it today. I'm just one day older and a little bit wiser. I intend to go fully NC as soon as the money is transfered into my account and I've no doubt that I'll be back on my feet in the very near future, right now I'm off to lick my wounds, eat some chocolate and feel very, very, very sorry for myself

 

Thank you all for your support xx

[MarmiteCrumpet]

Well done you. Now, lose yourself in wine, chocolate and good friends.