Guy friends or Girl friends?

[aloevera]

This is my problem:

I have a group of female friends which I avoid seeing. They are all single and very attractive. I am very self conscious about my looks and they always want to go to nightclubs on the weekend. They sometimes look down on me and are extremely competitive (I don't do either of these things). Most of the time I cancel plans with these girls to hang out with my boyfriend and my guy friends as well as my boyfriends friends, and NO I am NOT attracted to anyone but my own boyfriend.

I'm not a tom-boy: I love cars, I love playstation. My girlfriends friends like: boys, nailpolish, clothes and gossip.

A while ago my guy friend developed feelings for me, he says he's over it and apologised to my boyfriend, but I'm not entirely sure what to do. So the big question is:

1. Should my friends be girls or guys?

 

2. Is it time to move on from my girlfriends? I feel bad, since I've been friends with them since I was in year 7 and only after 6 years of friendship I stared to feel this way.

 

3. Should I start going 'clubbing with them'? If I act like them will I like them better?

 

4. Any advice would be great as I am seriously confused!

 

Thanks

[FathomFear]

This is my problem:

I have a group of female friends which I avoid seeing. They are all single and very attractive. I am very self conscious about my looks and they always want to go to nightclubs on the weekend. They sometimes look down on me and are extremely competitive (I don't do either of these things).

 

They don't sound like very good friends if they look down on you.

 

But honestly, I would hang out with the people you have the best time with. And in this case it sounds like you guy friends fit that bill. I wouldn't worry about whether someone does or doesn't develop feelings--you can't control that. You can only control yourself. Just set clear boundaries and you'll be fine.

[IvantheAvg]

I think its good to have a variety of friends.

 

Why not become a leader amongst your friends? Lead by example...

 

The worst people talk about others.

Boring people talk about material things.

Great people talk about ideas.

 

Friendships do end. People evolve differently. That competiveness thing gets tiring but sometimes it can give you a push to improve yourself.

 

Just some random thoughts. No do this or that.

[happylady]

Be true to yourself and only hang around people you like and are comfortable with. That being said I think you should try to add some more (different) female friends into your circle. I say this because I personally think that there is a different kind of bonding between same sex friendships that isnt there with different. It is good to have both elements in your life but I personally think that same sex friends are very important. Just my two cents

 

I wouldnt change who you are for anybody. You dont have to totally ditch them, just do different things with them. Just let them know that clubbing etc isnt what you are interested in and see if they respect that. if they dont then they arent true friends.

[aloevera]

Well I guess that seems the best option: being with the people I fit in most But I just find it very difficult to let go of all the good times if shared with them before they changed.

 

And as for leading...unfortunately girls are like animals (no offence intented to any other ladies) The leader of my group is very territorial and there is no way she would let anybody else decide what to do...she isn't a bad person.

 

I find that girls are rank each other socially: the 'leader' of my group gets alot of attention from guys and is the plan maker, the other one tries to organise stuff but can't and I guess my rank is the friend they turn to for advice, I think maybe I SHOULD start giving more ideas!

 

And as for the response from happylady: I have had different female friends in the past, but they all seem the same to me: guy crazy and talk about everybody behind their backs, from my experience all girlfriends I've had are preety much the same. I guess everybody has different experiences, have you encountered any girls that aren't ' * * * * * y' and rank people based on apperance? I would love to know there are girls out there who are interested in things other that: "Like OMG, he called me and totally wants me" kind of thing. And I think I'm weak as I don't really like to talk about things to them which bother me about there behaviour, I'm scared they will all turn on me (it has happened before)

 

thanks for the help guys, its really helping me get around my problem!

[happylady]

Most of my female friends are gamers like me so they are very cool. I have some of the girly friends which do as you say with the competition and rank on appearance but I am a very outspoken person and will tell them I dont like it when they talk or act that way around me and they respect that, the ones that wont oh well. I am pretty much a take it or leave it gal in the sense where all I need is respect and I will gladly give it. I'm easy like Sunday morning

Your female friends sound more insecure then anything. I dont know any woman who is secure within themselves to act the way your friends do.