Breaking bad habits

[bungalo]

AS a lot of you know..I am working towards reconciliation with the g/f..We had a great Saturday night after seeing a show she invited me back to her place..we listened to music, and talked and talked and smooched and even shed a few tears at one point. THe next day she called and thanked me for a great night and invited me over for dinner later this week.

I called her last night after an incredibly long day with relatives, work and my support group meeting..I was exhausted. I immeadiately regretted calling her..Seems the only way our rel/ship works is if she does most of the contacting. I am starting to realize that long phone calls can be attraction/rel/ship killers...So kicking myself now..but I think I'll/we'll recover...I think I am over-analyzing the hell out of everything..Bung

[rapunzel]

Agree. It's very easy to relax and slip into those bad habits when you are still in a vulnerable place with this reconciliation just getting off the ground. You don't want to overwhelm her with long phone calls and too much contact. Continue to keep yourself somewhat scarce, reasonably so, and continue to have an independent life outside of your relationship with her. You know this, obviously, but you already see yourself jumping in with both feet and it would behoove you to slow things down, take a deep breath, and go at a much slower pace. It's very difficult to do and a fine line to manage.

 

But since you are already quite aware of it, you will be able to avoid these behaviors. This is positive awareness so keep it up!

[TSandullo]

I immeadiately regretted calling her..Seems the only way our rel/ship works is if she does most of the contacting. I am starting to realize that long phone calls can be attraction/rel/ship killers...So kicking myself now..but I think I'll/we'll recover...I think I am over-analyzing the hell out of everything..Bung

 

Bung mate, congratulations once again regarding the possiblility of reconciliation.

I read your other thread and am very happy to hear the news.

I sincerely wish you both all the best.

 

Regarding calling her, don't be too hard on yourself.

I guess even at times like this we can get a wee bit carried away and overexcited.

Just don't do it again.

 

Yeah, let her initiate the calls for now, though I guess a small call to chat every now and then shouldn't matter as things progress further. I'm guessing the call lasted for >45 mins? Too long right now. But later on these will be intense bonding and relationship cement material.

 

So treat this as simply a tiny blip. Let her run to you now friend.

 

TC and hope to hear more of your relationship progress.

 

TS

[LoveSoDeep]

So you had a long day and you called her and it didn't go as planned? Don't beat yourself up about it. Lesson learned right?

 

Although I don't understand why you're worried unless she seemed annoyed that you called or something like that.

[bungalo]

Yeah...we spent like 45 minutes on the phone and it was kind of flat...lesson learned...thanks all..don't get me wrong I am still happy with the reconciliation...it is just a big adjustment..but ultimately worth it..Bung

[The Wheel]

Wait. What lesson was learned here? That she hates being on the phone or that she doesn't like talking to you when you've had a long day?

[bungalo]

Wait. What lesson was learned here? That she hates being on the phone or that she doesn't like talking to you when you've had a long day?

 

I think the lesson is that it helps to maintain some mystery and space in our relationship. I can't speak for everyone..but I know in the past when we were yaking endlessly on the phone for hours on end week after week..it drained both of us. We tended to get into a downward spiral and started getting into very heavy subjects. For some reason in person..it's much better and we don't seem to dwell on heavy stuff so much...So my intuition is telling me that 15 minutes is about the max we should spend on the phone----