Facebook connection

[Newbie2010]

Could someone help me clarify the NC rule?

 

When I and the newly ex ended, we both agreed and said happy to go back to where we were before, being friends who shared similar hobbies. His last email was last Fri week, I didn’t reply. But I sent the pre purchased BD present to him with a brief note and he received that last Sat, his actual BD is today, but I heard no ‘thank you’ from him. I was going to Text him a Happy BD msg but when I found out about the NC procedure, I disregarded that and didn’t make any further contact.

 

Now, the real question is the FB connection, we both had left each other as friends in our friends list so we still be able to see each other personal update, is that interfere with the NC rule? I’m more of a FB writer than him, but I know for a fact that he checked his FB quite regularly, just don’t write anything on it.

 

I’m torn, because I’m planning for all this moving on steps like getting a new hair cut/new look, going out with friends and started enjoying life as normal again. But I don’t know if I should update all of these upcoming events for him to take notice through my FB account. Half of me wanted to disappear from him altogether and the other half I wanted to show him that I am still who I am if not better since he dumped me.

 

If I stay true to the NC rule, should I just go out and have fun and not updating anything on my FB. I don’t want to defriended him from my FB, because it makes me seem like I’m running away from him.

 

What do you think?

[Weirdmartian]

Well, I would think changing your behavior is not the way to go.

 

If, while you were dating, you updated everything, keep on doing so. I'm sure he'll just go in and edit you out of his news feed. For me, it's

depressing to log on to FB (i do it a lot, darn desk-job), and read whatever my ex or friends are up to. So i've neatly edited them out.

 

Just do whatever you were doing BEFORE you started dating.

[Newbie2010]

Thanks Wmartian,

 

I just found out that I can customize who can see what on my FB.

Would it be too obvious if I put him on the except list? He properly won't know he's on there, unless he's try to go there.

 

Part of me don't want to reveal too much about what I'm up to and I want to ensure that and not hoping for him to edit out all my updates.

 

I know what a pain desk job is, although I'm trying to occupied myself by being on here instead of FB.

 

Thanks for the advise thou, now I’m going to edit his updates out of my sight.

[petite]

If you were to stay true to the hardcore NC rule than you would have NO CONTACT what so ever. That includes, deleting him from anything you are connected through. This is a big step, but one that does work. I believe we all need to find our own happy medium and what works for us. FB is one of those things that can really get you going. I'd definitely delete him because chances are if you're FB friends you will check his page it's a psychological thing one not many people can control.

 

At the very least your contact via phone/text/IM should stop. Just think about one thing; what if you see him posting updates about how happy he is, changing his life around, dating girls and whatever else, how are you going to feel?

[Newbie2010]

If you were to stay true to the hardcore NC rule than you would have NO CONTACT what so ever. That includes, deleting him from anything you are connected through. This is a big step, but one that does work. I believe we all need to find our own happy medium and what works for us. FB is one of those things that can really get you going. I'd definitely delete him because chances are if you're FB friends you will check his page it's a psychological thing one not many people can control.

 

At the very least your contact via phone/text/IM should stop. Just think about one thing; what if you see him posting updates about how happy he is, changing his life around, dating girls and whatever else, how are you going to feel?

 

I'm getting familiar to the NC rules, I've deleted his number from my phone, but if I delete him from my FB, he will see it, and I don't want him to think that I have to go to such stage in order to get over him. I've just hide all his updates from my news feed, so I won't be looking at anything that challenging to the point that I have to check his account, the guy usually posts nothing any way.

 

It's more about protecting my info from him, since as the NC goes, I feel that he shouldn't be finding out details about what I've been up to as well. So as suggested before, I don't want to change myself by not updating my FB account at all, but I think if I silently blocked him from all my updates so I can keep things privately for myself, that should be ok, shouldn't it?

[petite]

NC is really about what works best for you. Some people feel that all contact cut of is the best, others have a different opinion. If you want to keep him on your FB, by all means do so. If you did the whole FB upddating before and whilst in a relationship with this man, than why would you want to block him form it? You're just being you. He will notice you're not updating anything. If you're fine with that go ahead, but I would just be me in this case.