I feel like i'm prego again

[jillianiyp]

yeah... condoms seem like the obvious choice.. they're not 100% fool proof though.

[Bella20]

better than nothing.

i have to ask though. why do you say you'd be happy with another baby when a month ago you were upset about your husband and wanted to leave, and you said he told his friends he didn't love you or the baby?

also, if you are afraid that he might have sex with other men, you may want to use condoms either way.

[jillianiyp]

It might sound silly, but if i dont have a husband that loves me i'll have kids that love me.

[Bella20]

oh honey you can find someone that loves you

[jillianiyp]

Yeah, but i vowed for better or for worse...

If my whole life is the "for worse" part... it was still a promise i made to be married to him.

[Hope75]

It might sound silly, but if i dont have a husband that loves me i'll have kids that love me.

 

That's really sad, and it's not fair to your kids, is it? This sounds more about you than about what's best for your child (and future possible children.)

 

And as far as honoring your commitment to marriage, if your husband is cheating and doesn't love you and leaves, that isn't a marriage, is it? A marriage has to be a contract that is honored by both parties in order to work, you can't carry it all by yourself.

 

Part of me is wondering if you are hoping to get pregnant so your husband won't leave. (which doesn't work, btw.)

[jillianiyp]

K, just to clear this up, I'm not afraid of my husband leaving, i know he wont leave me. The whole situation with him is whether or not i should leave him, because he's fine just staying with me and cheating, or maybe not cheating, on me.

And i dont know how you can rank on me for wanting to have more children. How is that wanting whats best for me and not them? My life isnt so messed up that it would be a complete mistake to bring children into my life. And wanting more children isn't putting myself first. I put my baby's needs way ahead of mine anyways. If i didnt care what was best for my baby i wouldnt even bother trying to fix our marriage. But i am trying, i'm not just going to walk out, because i want my babies to have a father. I know he loves my baby, and maybe he says that he doesnt sometimes when he's frusterated, but i can tell now, when he's with her that he loves her very much.

[Hope75]

I'm not 'ranking on you' for wanting more children, but bringing children into an unhappy marriage where your husband is cheating (there fore putting your health at risk and any future pregnancies at risk if you contract an STI), and bringing more children into a relationship to a father who doesn't want more and has said he doesn't love the one he has, well to me that seems like an obvious bad decision.

 

And honestly, you don't ever say that you don't love your children, even when you are frustrated or upset. I would NEVER say that about my daughter, and my husband would NEVER say that either. That alone would be enough for me to reconsider staying with him, never mind the cheating.

 

I feel bad for you and your daughter.

[jillianiyp]

I never said he doesnt want more, he does. And i dont have any definate proof that he is cheating on me.

And why is it a bad thing for me to want kids if i cant have a good husband?

[Hope75]

I never said he doesnt want more, he does. And i dont have any definate proof that he is cheating on me.

And why is it a bad thing for me to want kids if i cant have a good husband?

 

Because those kids deserve two parents who want and love them, not one who wants more kids because her husband doesn't love her.

 

I can tell you love your child, but it sounds like you are trying to fill a void you feel from your husband's lack of attention or affection by having more kids. And while kids do love you, you give so much more than they do- it's really not a reciprocal relationship, and your intentions seem very misplaced.

 

PS- why do you suspect your husband is cheating?

 

And, are you aware that if he is and if he contracts and STI (like HIV, for instance), and gives it to you, that you can pass it along to your daughter in your breastmilk?

[jillianiyp]

Okay, to start with, I've ALWAYS wanted 4ish kids, so i'm not "all of a sudden wanting more kids to fill a void in my life".

And my intentions are not misplaced. I dont only want more kids because my husband "doesnt love me". That is 100% false. I think you're misreading everything i'm saying.

Also yes, i know all about STI's, and i've recently been tested and i dont have anything. So put that aside.

My life is really complicated right now, and an outsider, like yourself, will not completely understand everything i'm going through, and for what reason.

I've 100% turned my life around since i had my baby, I used to drink, do drugs, i used to cut too. But I know i cant do that anymore, because i have to take care of my baby girl. So, when you said she isnt able to give me what i can give her, thats not true, having her gave me my life back. If i never had her who knows where i'd be right now.

[Notreadyet87]

I won't judge you at all. However I'm just about a year and a half older than you, and I'm wondering are you financially able to support another child? Do you or your husband have a stable job, sufficient income, etc? And is he working to repair the marriage? If so I don't see anything wrong with wanting another child. However, if you aren't financially stable, if your marriage is still on rocks, and if you are struggling with money and haven't completed your education or a stable job--then maybe hold off on having children and getting pregnant until you're a little more stable.

I can't imagine at such young age, having children, and being an unstable marriage, as well as be financially unstable but I CAN imagine that in spite of that you would want to be loved by a child--because in a way it compensates the instability you are experiencing with your marriage.

You seem like you've came a long way, from where you used to be, which is great! I commend you on being a good parent to your daughter. But sometimes we still have a ways to go before we are completely stable and ready for more responsibilities. It doesn't seem like your concerned about being pregnant again--are you trying to get pregnant at this point? Or have you thought about getting on a progestorone only BC(that is good for nursing)?

If I were in your position, I would most likely select birth control, but again if you feel you are ready and if you are truly stable then I see nothing wrong with having another child.

[Bella20]

did you take a test

[Hope75]

You posted this just 6 weeks ago:

 

 

 

But i've been having marital issues lately, my husbands bi, and he's always trying to find ways to sneak out and cheat on me with other men. I dont think he's been successful at it yet, but i know he isnt going to stop until he is successful.

 

its really hard... my husbands told his friends and stuff that he doesnt really love me... or our baby... and its really hard to see that.

i still dont have any friends here. So all i do is stay home... and i'd like to go out and do something but i cant cuz i dont have anyone to go out with, and my husband never wants to go out with me.

I tried to make some friends online to hang out with... but my husband said i'm not allowed to hang out with them because some of them are male.. and apparently he doesnt trust me i guess if he wont let me hang out with them. I guess if he thinks he's cheating on me then i'm doing the same... which i'm not.

 

and earlier in this thread you posted this:

It might sound silly, but if i dont have a husband that loves me i'll have kids that love me.

 

Those are all your words, not mine. So yes, I am an outsider, but I am reading what you yourself wrote about your situation, and what you wrote does not sound like a healthy situation to bring more children into.

Okay, to start with, I've ALWAYS wanted 4ish kids, so i'm not "all of a sudden wanting more kids to fill a void in my life".

 

Wanting children is all well and good, but part of being a good parent is knowing whether or not it's right and fair to bring children into the world no matter how badly you want them, and deciding if you and your partner are prepared, both emotionally and financially, if your relationship is strong and secure, loving, honest and respectful, if you can be good role models to any children you bring into your family. Heck, if I didn't have to worry about money and space and my age I'd have 10 kids. But I know that isn't fair or realistic. We can't always get what we want.

 

You posted 6 week ago that your bisexual husband was on a mission to cheat on you with other men and wouldn't stop until he did. You posted that he told his friends he did not love you, and he did not love your baby. You posted that you were alone there and had no friends and your husband wouldn't let you talk to people online because some were men. Sounds like a pretty lonely existence.

 

Him cheating on you puts you at risk for contracting an STI and you can get tested every month if you want but that is all after the fact as long as you continue having unprotected sex with your husband who you admit is actively looking to cheat on you. So basically by getting tested you will know if it's too late or not. But knowing all this you aren't using condoms. That tells me you aren't making very good decisions for yourself or your family.

 

It's great that you've stopped using drugs, drinking and cutting yourself, all steps in the right direction. But- from what you yourself have written, there is still much more that needs to be addressed and your marriage does not sound like one that is ready to handle more children, and to bring more into it does indeed sound selfish and like you are thinking of yourself and your desire to have 4 children more than whether it is really healthy and fair to those children to come into it.

[arwen]

well i read somewhere that BC isn't good for your baby if you're breastfeeding, they have "BC Lite" but i read its not that effective

 

That's probably the progesteron-only pill. I am on that one, because I breastfeed. Breastfeeding reduces fertility, in combination with the progesteron-only pill you're supposed to be safe.

 

Normal BC pills contain oestrogen in addition, and that is bad for breastfeeding.

 

You could of course always use condoms

[arwen]

I have to agree 100% here.

[maggie_rae]

You they can tell if your pregnant thru a pap test. The cervix changes!

[jillianiyp]

K, if anyone's going to tell me that i'm being selfish by having more children, i dont want to hear about it. Thats not why i'm posting on here.

[Bella20]

jillian, did you take a test?

[jillianiyp]

still working on it... i'm way too much of a procrastinator...

[Hope75]

K, if anyone's going to tell me that i'm being selfish by having more children, i dont want to hear about it. Thats not why i'm posting on here.

 

You can absolutely tune us out, but, does anything we've said have a hint of truth to it, or make any sense to you?

 

I am a busy working mom and don't have a lot of free time these days, and I certainly don't take the time or effort to just insult or attack some random person I don't even know as you seem to think I am doing, but if I think my words might hit home, make sense, make you stop and think for a minute and maybe in some way be helpful, than I post them. You don't have to listen. But maybe you will, and maybe you will think twice about what you are doing.

[Seraphim]

Also if you believe you are pregnant that baby DESERVES prenatal care. If you are all about your kids then get on that.

[annie24]

are you taking pre-natal vitamins? that is extremely important. go get a pregnancy test, it will take 10 minutes.

[metrogirl]

I apoligize in advance as this will likely sound harsh but I can't sugar coat it.

 

Your whole mentality about the possibility of being pregnant and not wanting to take a test for confirmation is rather juvenile. From this outsiders prospective, I sense a certain level of immaturity.

 

You have a husband that you suspect wants to have sex with other men if he hasn't done so already, you might be pregnant and you don't want to know for sure and in the meantime any number of std's or even HIV could be lurking in the shadows affecting the health of your potential unborn baby and you have this whole very blase' attitude about it all.

 

I realize you said you've been tested, but that doesn't mean anything because he could have passed something on to you since you were last tested.

 

Be smart here and just take the test for Pete's sakes, then you can go from there.

[Batya33]

Also if you believe you are pregnant that baby DESERVES prenatal care. If you are all about your kids then get on that.

 

This was my first thought when I read the OP's first post. Thanks for pointing this out. OP I wish you the best in your pregnancy and for you and your baby to feel and be healthy so I hope you choose to prioritize that over your desire to procrastinate.