question about baggage..

[-Sanguine-]

this isn't about me, but..

 

is it a big turn off to guys if a girl has a lot of baggage/is quite complicated..?

[CaptainNapalm]

Define baggage..

[-Sanguine-]

Define baggage..

 

having a troubled past, many issues to deal with, depression, self harm, letting past experiences jade you, etc.

 

Not to generalize any of these things, though.

[guynextdoor]

You need to cut all strings from your past if it keeps on haunting you.

[Sanesoul]

having a troubled past, many issues to deal with, depression, self harm, letting past experiences jade you, etc.

 

Not to generalize any of these things, though.

 

In my experience (I have been married for 10 years to a wonderful man), they will take the baggage and deal with it if they love you.

 

I have been through hell, hung out with the devil for a time, and came out the other side. I don't want to go into complete details, but I'm emotionally broken to say the least.

 

My hubs loves me and has stuck by me through more craziness than a normal person would.

 

It can happen.

[CaptainNapalm]

You need to cut all strings from your past if it keeps on haunting you.

 

Easier said than done for most.

[CaptainNapalm]

having a troubled past, many issues to deal with, depression, self harm, letting past experiences jade you, etc.

 

Not to generalize any of these things, though.

 

Yeah I would be quite concerned about starting a relationship with someone who actively imposed self-harm on themselves as a result of depression. Not so much that I'd be scared to deal with the issues from my end but I would feel responsible in some way for having someone suffer when in a relationship with me.

[-Sanguine-]

Yeah I would be quite concerned about starting a relationship with someone who actively imposed self-harm on themselves as a result of depression. Not so much that I'd be scared to deal with the issues from my end but I would feel responsible in some way for having someone suffer when in a relationship with me.

 

so, if these things weren't happening anymore, would that make a difference?

[-Sanguine-]

I just feel like someone I know is going to forever let her past experiences tie her down.. therefore making it harder for herself in finding love.

[Sanesoul]

Yeah I would be quite concerned about starting a relationship with someone who actively imposed self-harm on themselves as a result of depression. Not so much that I'd be scared to deal with the issues from my end but I would feel responsible in some way for having someone suffer when in a relationship with me.

 

My hubby struggled with this for awhile until he was finally aware that my past traumas were the cause and he was helping me. He knows I'm insane and now he loves me for it.

[CaptainNapalm]

so, if these things weren't happening anymore, would that make a difference?

 

Certainly. I would definitely NOT use someone's past against them but like I said before I would want to enter a relationship with someone healthy (of a sound mind) rather than with someone who probably should be dealing with issues first before being in a relationship.

[JusticeLaw9]

There's a difference between a woman carrying two or three bags and the other woman falling out of her heels because she's carrying seven or eight. We all have baggage, but how can the woman with seven or eight bags continue shopping unless she finds some way to get rid of some of those bags?

[-Sanguine-]

There's a difference between a woman carrying two or three bags and the other woman falling out of her heels because she's carrying seven or eight. We all have baggage, but how can the woman with seven or eight bags continue shopping unless she finds some way to get rid of some of those bags?

 

Interesting theory..

[CaptainNapalm]

There's a difference between a woman carrying two or three bags and the other woman falling out of her heels because she's carrying seven or eight. We all have baggage, but how can the woman with seven or eight bags continue shopping unless she finds some way to get rid of some of those bags?

 

Yes very true indeed

[Sanesoul]

It's a process. A woman who has been so utterly broken in their early years, that they don't even know who they are is heartbreaking.

 

I was lucky enough to find a man who wanted to be with me, even when I thought I wasn't worthy of having a partner.

 

I know my husband is not "normal" when it comes to this, but I thank God for him everyday.

[-Sanguine-]

It's a process. A woman who has been so utterly broken in their early years, that they don't even know who they are is heartbreaking.

 

I was lucky enough to find a man who wanted to be with me, even when I thought I wasn't worthy of having a partner.

 

I know my husband is not "normal" when it comes to this, but I thank God for him everyday.

 

Very admirable for you two. That's great

[mad rabbits]

I like people with baggage, I think they're interesting.

 

Additionally, I think the majority of people who claim to "have no baggage" or to seek a partner with "no baggage" are deluding themselves.

 

A person who genuinely has no baggage...how many such people really exist? And if they do I think they would be rather...two dimensional.

[rockerstar]

Mmmm....and how do you explain this baggage to the person? And when in the relationship can you? Without making them run a mile!

[mfan]

I like people with baggage, I think they're interesting.

I admit, I also think people with some baggage are interesting and it wouldn't be a turnoff to me at all. But it has to be "friendly" baggage -- e.g. not baggage that makes the person yell at me all the time for something someone else did. She and I would have to be on the same side, fighting against what happened to her. It can't be a situation where she fights against me ... I hope this is clear because emotional baggage can go both ways and there's one ok way and one very bad way.

[geekgirl4]

I think a lot of people have baggage after a certain age so not dating someone because of it is kind of over the top. But IMO, it's very difficult to date someone who lets their baggage take over their life and use it as an excuse for certain harmful behaviors. It's one thing to admit they've been cheated on and have a tough time trusting, but are honestly working to get better. It's another thing if they use cheating as an excuse to snoop through my private things. If I can see they are actively trying to deal with their baggage and sincerely want to, then I don't think its a bad thing.

[Kaytie]

I think a lot of people have baggage after a certain age so not dating someone because of it is kind of over the top. But IMO, it's very difficult to date someone who lets their baggage take over their life and use it as an excuse for certain harmful behaviors. It's one thing to admit they've been cheated on and have a tough time trusting, but are honestly working to get better. It's another thing if they use cheating as an excuse to snoop through my private things. If I can see they are actively trying to deal with their baggage and sincerely want to, then I don't think its a bad thing.

 

Exactly - it's all in how you deal with it. My girlfriend is still sorting out details of her past relationship (custody, property) but she's handling it very, very well and it's not affecting our relationship. She owns her issues and is actively working on them and communicates very clearly with me about where she's at, etc. I think it's all in how it's dealt with that matters....

[DrKitten]

having a troubled past, many issues to deal with, depression, self harm, letting past experiences jade you, etc.

 

If these things are in the past, not a big deal. Everyone's dealt with rough times. But I probably wouldn't want to deal with them if they were still occurring frequently. I want a relationship with a happy, emotionally stable person living in the present.