Does love really exist?

[pcmodemtcg]

If it does, can someone describe what it feels like? How do you know?

 

I have never felt it, except toward family and that is of course more of what I call "duty love".

 

Im 38 and I really thought that I would feel something by now, but all I feel is dead inside. Living my life devoid of any feelings, other than anger, frustration, and an overwhelming sadness.

 

I doubt I will ever experience love, but i would like to know anyway what it was all about and how others were able to find it.

[simply]

That kind of love is for teenagers, after that, it's the grown up version of love, which is the ability to support one another, almost like a business proposition.

 

Love is simply a trick nature plays to get us to reproduce.

[CaptainNapalm]

Love is when emotions rule over logic.

[Capricorn3]

Yes, it does exist. I can't speak for others, but for me it's a feeling of total peace and contentment.

[xXPiLAXx]

I think you should seek a psychiatrist, it might help you find a long lasting relationship that could potentially lead to marriage.

[misssmithviii]

Love has a different definition for everyone. Some people believe it's b/s, others believe it is a true emotion.

Everyone perceives it differently. But the feeling is the same nonetheless and I do believe it exists without a doubt.

 

I think the bigger question here is why are your predominant feelings in life anger, frustration and overwhelming stress?

If that's the case, you might need to look inside a bit more as you might be severely depressed.

[HeartGoesOn]

I think you should seek a psychiatrist, it might help you find a long lasting relationship that could potentially lead to marriage.

 

 

[LightbulbSun]

 

What? I agree, the OP needs therapy. Something is stopping him from meeting a girl.

[HeartGoesOn]

What? I agree, the OP needs therapy. Something is stopping him from meeting a girl.

 

Maybe I read it differently.

[SometimesShy]

That kind of love is for teenagers, after that, it's the grown up version of love, which is the ability to support one another, almost like a business proposition.

 

God, I think I would jump off a bridge if I thought love was how you described it. Big Yuk!!!

 

...For me, love has so many qualities. Sometimes it's intense and explosive. Sometimes it's feverish, like a bad flu bug. Sometimes, it's quiet and comforting, like a toasty blanket just pulled out of the dryer. Sometimes it's the happiness drug that makes you high, and your life feels like a wonderful dream. Sometimes you don't have to say a word, just being in the same room with the one you love is more than anything you could ever want...

[simply]

God, I think I would jump off a bridge if I thought love was how you described it. Big Yuk!!!...

 

It's called experience. Thats what i've come to conclude after many relationships.

 

But everybody is different, if you can live in a fairytale land where love is all sunshine n lollipops, then by all means, all to the power to you.

[SometimesShy]

Im 38 and I really thought that I would feel something by now, but all I feel is dead inside. Living my life devoid of any feelings, other than anger, frustration, and an overwhelming sadness.

 

Hmmm... It sounds like you need some big changes in your life, especially with how you feel about your own life. A professional therapist would be the best person to talk to, but if that's not possible, then you need to find someone to help give you a better perspective on things.

 

Life really is what you make of it, so if you've gone down the wrong tracks, then you need help to find a new direction. Start anywhere, because doing the same thing you've been doing up to now, will keep you stuck in your rut.

 

Good-luck!

[SometimesShy]

It's called experience. Thats what i've come to conclude after many relationships.

 

Well, I'm in my 40's, have had 2 long term relationships ( 5 and 7 years ), and a few short term ones ( under 1 year ).

 

...For me, love is dead when it is a business relationship, and I would break-up immediately if this is how I felt about my partner.

 

Life is too short to live it without passion and fire.

[pcmodemtcg]

Yes, there is something stopping me from meeting other people..

 

As you can guess, I have no self confidence in my appearance or abilities and this stems from early childhood onward. I was terorized from grade school thur high school, never accepted in any group. I could participate in nothing, as I could tell that others simply didn't want to be near me or acknolwledge my existence. When I was part of any click, it was only to be made fun of or to be left behind as a laugh. I can remember praying most nights that I wanted just to be left alone, please God, I will be happy if others would just stop the mercilous teasing, beatings, and degradations i was exposed to on a daily basis. As I have grwon up, I guess i got my wish. I guess you could say I was beaten down and broken for so long, that there was no way back up, To this day, I constantly feel that others feel nothing but disgust for me. Igo to a mall, a theater, a place to eat, and i can feel all eyes on me, and every face says to me "please, go away from here". I cannot look others in the eye, as I feel quite ashamed of myself and know that others look at me with contempt, as if I were were a something akint o a child molester (and no, I am not). I was always told by family how perfect I was, etc, etc, so I never was able to get help when it may have mattered. I am too ashamed to see a psychiatrist or psychologist, as I have been able to eek out a small living, but it is in essence, only acting like a human being. Essentially, mimicking certain traits and thigns I have seen from others, read in books, seen in TV and film. I have no faith of any kind, although I was not raised in that manner. I simply am unable to put faith in any God or deity that would allow this kind of sufferring.

 

My life now is simply work, come home, watch TV, sleep, go to work, etc. When I do go out, I can only eat at horrible places like BK and McD's , where a single person isn't judged, and even then I hurry to finish my meal so I can leave others as soon as i can. I don't know how to be a real person, if I ever was. I have of course thought of suicide, however I can't do that. It isnt because I have hope, but since I believe that this is all the life I will ever have, I must endure it until it's natural conclusion. I have tried many times to change behaviors, atitudes, etc, and all have failed. I have figured the reason that I fail, is that I have so much wrong with me that a single improvement wont be enough to make a difference, that I will still be alone and unwanted.

 

Anyway, that is at least a part of my story (I could try to list everything that has happened to me and all my genetic faults, but it would take forever). I have pretty much also realized that I most likely should be alone for my life, as it is unfair to inflict upon another someone of such massive deficiencies. It is also unfair to gift my genetics to any offspring, as I would hate myself more than I do now were I to allow another being to live and feel as I have. Of course, in my heart I would love nothing more than to have a wife and children, the things others want, but my head knows that I am ill-suited for this and that at best, I would only be portraying a lie whcih is unfair to a woman.

 

So I know that love isnt something I will come to know, but I was hoping that others could really describe it, not as pointers, ut so I could at least try my best to imagine it. Thats all I ask.

[simply]

To say you don't have faith because "God" wouldn't allow anyone to suffer as you are, is a giant cop out, and don't get me wrong, i'm not preaching god on you, i'm far from religious or having faith, but I have reasons other than tragedies in my life to blame for that. You see, the reason your in the position your in now, is because of you, and only you. Your not 17, your 38, at some point in time, you've become a self sufficient man, and have taken matters into your own hands, i'm sure for some time now. The only the person to blame is yourself.

However, there is still hope for you my young friend, see, you've established, quite vividly what you feel is wrong with your life. That alone is half the battle. It is never too late to fix what is broken in your life. If you hate your appearance, you know you can always change it, hit up a gym, imagine yourself as you want to be and work towards it, you need to begin the reconstruction of yourself, it will give you purpose. To simply spend life working, only to come home to be hypnotized by television is not purposful at all.

Don't think that because of your looks and mentality that you will never find someone to love, trust me, i've seen some messed up people with families, you sound like a decent guy, if you really devoted yourself to this, you could turn it all around and gain the confidence you need.

[SometimesShy]

OK, here goes...

 

As you can guess, I have no self confidence in my appearance or abilities and this stems from early childhood onward.

 

1- Your past is your past, and you don't have to remember it or re-live it. Focus on what your life is now, and where you would like it go.

 

I am too ashamed to see a psychiatrist or psychologist, as I have been able to eek out a small living

 

2- Lots of free help out there. Religious groups can be a big help, or just find someone who you personally feel has their life together, and ask them for advice. If you ask politely, most people will be happy to help.

 

My life now is simply work, come home, watch TV, sleep, go to work, etc.

 

3- This is the "prison" you've built for yourself, and you need to find a way to start leaving it behind for a few hours each week. My suggestion is to find some kind of volunteer work, anything that will get you out of your "prison".

 

I have of course thought of suicide, however I can't do that.

 

4- Suicide is giving up when you haven't even bothered to figure out the rules to the game. Never give up until you've learned to play the game. Change of any kind will get you out of your rut, and out of your personal "prison".

 

I have pretty much also realized that I most likely should be alone for my life, as it is unfair to inflict upon another someone of such massive deficiencies.

 

5- Assuming you are hetero ( if not then just change the gender ) : If you met the female equivalent to yourself ( yes, there's always someone just like us out there ), what would be your advice for her?

 

...Would you tell her to give up?

 

...Would you tell her that she doesn't deserve to be in love, and that she should die alone?

 

I know I wouldn't. I know that I would do everything I could to help her see the world that she is missing while locked within her own personal "prison".

 

It doesn't take much. You just have to find a way to get out of your foolish head, and start living your life in ways that make you happy. Start anywhere. Do anything. Just stop doing the same thing you've been doing up 'til now. Any kind of human connection will break you out of "prison".

 

Good-luck!

[waveseer]

I have no plans to ever fall in love again. On the other hand, the love bug tends to bite when you least expect it.

[NightLily]

Part of me sort of doubts it exists but then I have just been treated like crap eventually by everybody in my life. I feel love for my dog though so possibly. This is a really stupid response possibly but you could consider getting a dog.

 

And I guess therapy but I honestly don't know if that changes a thing..

 

Sorry feeling down tonight..

[LightbulbSun]

Part of me doesn't believe that it exists, because whenever I've felt love, it's never worked out the way it should have. I'd like to think of love as something that will happen no matter what, even if one is socially awkward and clueless about relationships.

 

This, more than anything, makes me believe that it's more of a 'comfort' and 'animal instinct' thing, than anything emotional. The classic view of love, as something where two people care more about each other than anything else, seems flawed. I have no proof that shows that it exists in that form.

 

Love is just a biological trick to get us to reproduce.

[Lucius]

If it does, can someone describe what it feels like? How do you know?

 

Yes, love exists.

 

How do you know? The same way you know you feel "dead inside". It's a feeling/outlook/mental climate. You recognize it the same way you recognize any thing that is obvious, consuming, and defining.

 

To those that say "love is just a biological trick to get us to reproduce" ... anything can be reduced in that fashion. How about "fear is just a biological trick to get us to stay safe and reproduce"? Can we therefore infer that fear isn't real? Love is as real as any emotion, thought, or state of mind; either it's all a "trick", or it's all "real". I'd argue this is as real as it gets.