whats wrong with me?

[Nate3]

I've been with this girl for almost 10 months now but somethings been keeping us fighting for the longest time. I find it hard to trust her some times. Because we started dating it was june and all summer it felt like she was the greatest girl I ever met in my life. Everything seemed perfect. But I got locked up for 20 days in july and she stayed with me through it. Then school started and things started happening. Some kid texted her that he wanted her booty, and I let it go not thinking anything of it cuz she didn't say nothing back. But then the next week I found out she was talking to this other guy saying how she wouldn't break up wit me but was still getting his hopes up. I confronted him and he hasn't been a problem since. But then come january I found out she was terrible in the summer. Like she was getting guys hopes up, trying to hang out with other guys. I found out she tried to meet that guy at the beach that said he wanted her booty but they never did. Then while I was locked up, she's 16 now, but she was talking about having sex with some 23 year old. I was pissed. So I thought the summer was so perfect but I found out she wasnt being loyal even though she claims to have still of had strong feelings just made stupid mistakes because her longest relationship was only a month, mine was 7 months. But I've forgiven her but I still just can't get it off my mind all the times she's hurt me. I mean the one guy she was getting his hopes up but wouldn't break up with me for, was the last guy I know she was talking too behind my back and that was in november. I believe she been loyal since then, I mean I know nothing bad, it wouldn't surprise me if she has been staying loyal. I just feel like I can't trust her because of all them other times. I mean I caught all these guys on myspace but shes let me check all that recently and its been clean. What the hells wrong with me? Why do I feel like she still isn't being trust worthly?I love her to death and I would do anything to get through this.

 

Also if this helps, ive had 2 other relationships. In the 1st one the girl was talking to another guy behind my back in the 1st 3 months and never got my trust back and it was hell for the rest of that 7 months. And the next girl I was with for 2 weeks and I found out she was pregnant and still talking to that guy behind my back and saying she was using me so I dumped her on the spot. So its not been the 1st time so maybe this has something to do with it? IDK. PLEASE HELP!!!!!

[Sanesoul]

It sounds like she is too immature to be in a serious committed relationship.

 

She obviously loved the attention she gets from all these guys and that is not conducive to a relationship.

[Nate3]

So it's not me, nothing I can do?

[Sanesoul]

I would say no. It is her that has this issue, and it is only her that can fix it.

[HeartGoesOn]

I agree with "Insaneheart," she's just too young to be in a serious relationship. Can I ask how old you are?

[Nate3]

Seventeen. But their's nothing wrong with me feeling its hard to trust her even though it may seem she's been doing alright with that type of thing lately? I write her love notes all the time but she says she's too busy to do them for me. Its a small thing to worry about but for her friends she makes the time and can do cute stuff for them. Sometimes it seems like im the only one showing love and interest.

[HeartGoesOn]

This is the same thread that you posted over an hour ago?

[Nate3]

huh? Im a little confused ha

[Capricorn3]

huh? Im a little confused ha

She's saying you have the same topic in two different forums. Ask a mod to merge them for you.

[Nate3]

o ok haha sorry I didnt know were it belonged so I just did both ha. Kinda new to this forum stuff.

[misssmithviii]

If you feel like the affection isn't reciprocated, and you've talked to her about this, then it probably isn't mutual.

 

I have intense trust issues... and I mean intense. But the man I'm with cares enough, and is understanding enough to go above and beyond, to make the choice on his own to give me absolute access to everything, to never speak to a girl unless I know her too (or will know) and to be completely, 100% honest - just as my morals are.

If the person you're with cares enough, it isn't too hard. For her to "not find time" with things regarding you is an excuse.

 

She sounds like just another typical attention-hungry teenage girl. Don't mean to be mean but it's my opinion.

[Nate3]

Damn, I agree 100% with everyone here and its what I've always figured. Is there anything that can happen to fix it? I love this girl more then anybody else that has ever existed in my life(a lot of family issues) besides my best friend. So it would be the hardest thing I have ever done in my whole entire life. So their's no way this works out?

[Sanesoul]

Not unless she matures real fast. I think you need to just let this one go.

[turnera]

Come on. You can't be serious. You're talking about a CHILD. She is 16.

 

Do both of you a favor and back away, do some growing up yourself so that you don't end up getting locked up again, focus on going to school and learning a career, and THEN worry about finding a soulmate, ok?

[misssmithviii]

There's one thing I think you need to hear...

 

You can love her as much as you want, you can try your best to fix it but you cannot change her. If she doesn't show you much importance, at least not as much as you do then that's something you either live with and never hold against her, or you leave.

 

I do agree that you should let this girl go. You don't need to be splurging all your love and compassion into this girl who doesn't do the same for you. That's a one-way street my friend, and can only lead to a bitter end.

 

I agree with Insane Heart... and I think her point was more along the lines of she cannot mature fast enough. Hence... you'd probably be better off letting this one go.

[misssmithviii]

It's amazing when people can finally find the answers they're looking for... it's about following the right choices in those answers that people seem to have the most difficult time with... I will never understand that.

 

Hope you don't just see the answer staring you in the face yet turn the other way with some false sense of rationality.

[Nate3]

Well in the beginning of our relationship when she did all that, like I said it was perfect and it did seem mutal. Just ever since school started it has faded but she said she really wants to try. So idk.

[turnera]

Look. You have a track record of picking girls who use you.

 

Why don't you step back and work on yourself before trying to complete yourself with a girl? It's obvious there's something missing in what you do. You'll just keep on picking the wrong kind of girls who are (1) sexually promiscuous, (2) have no sense of loyalty, (3) lie and cheat, and (4) don't care about your feelings.

 

What are you doing to get your life on track? How old are you? Are you in school? Do you do anything else to get ahead in life? Do you have long-term goals? Spend some time focusing on yourself and as you get yourself in a better place, you'll start attracting a better calibre of girls.

[Nate3]

Well im on probation and my sister just had a baby so we couldn't be in the same house with each other cuz of child services and my crazy ass sister's mistakes running off with her boyfriend last school year that got them involved in the first place. Im suppose to be a senior but a junior. But instead of going to New Mexico(live in pennsylvania now) with my dad who I hate who's been married 7 times and is a douche bag for my senior year, im just going to drop out for 2 weeks, take my GED test, enroll back in to finish this year, then go to a trade school next year and just live in a dorm since I can't be in the same house as the baby. Im trying to get my liscense soon, get a 2nd job, a day job during the summer to pay off all these fines I have from probation, and im trying to stay clean and complete my drug and alcohol program.

 

They are my goals. Their on the right track so far. Bout to get my permit, about to take my GED test. Application already mailed in and thats all they need.

[turnera]

Wow, I'm impressed! Great goals. Good luck.

 

One thing...if you don't pass the GED first time, just learn what you missed, study that part, and keep taking it till you get it done. I'm sure you know you will never rise above poverty level without a college or technical degree, let along a GED or diploma.

 

Best of luck.

 

And lay off the girls for now, ok? You've got your whole life ahead of you. Plenty of time for girls. Right now, get your life on track.

[Nate3]

Just letting you guys know. We broke up...That kid she was talking too, well she has been talking to him recently I don't know how long its been but i found out after she broke up with me. Shes on her period and has been breaking up with me on her periods the last few months. But whatever. I don't need her. I road my bike in lightening storms over the summer for her, walked in 12 degree weather appearing at her house with a frozen jaw not being able to talk. Thats how extreme my love was. Hopefully it won't be that hard.

[turnera]

nate, how can I say this gently without you getting mad?

 

You're a teenager. Which means that (1) you've experienced about 1/6th of the years of your life so far, and most of those years you were tied at the hip of your parents, and (2) a male teenager goes through so much mental gymnastics that you may think you're dying one day and the most blessed person on earth the next, and not realize the switch.

 

What you felt may have been love, but it wasn't sustainable love. And it certainly wasn't on her part.

 

You are going to go through so many changes in the next ten years that you'll barely be able to recognize yourself at the end. Everyone does. It's what you're supposed to do. PLEASE don't take whatever is going on in your life at this stage as the most important thing that will ever happen to you. It isn't.

 

Because next year, next month, even next week, you are going to find something ELSE that you are certain is the most important thing in your life. As you grow older, you'll realize that you're supposed to be full of hormones and feelings and impetuousness at your age, but that it is only a testing grounds for the adult you are going to become. And that what's going on in your life may be fun, but it's not permanent. There are more things to come.

 

And the more time you spend each day focused on NEXT year and NEXT decade, the better prepared you'll be to come out a winner, instead of focusing on some teenage girl who's going through her own hormone rush and changes and will HERSELF be unrecognizable in ten years. That's why I always tell teenagers to NOT get serious, NOT get engaged, and CERTAINLY not get married! Who you are today, what you want, what you BELIEVE, will be radically different even in 5 years. If you marry now, you're stuck with someone who will morph into someone unrecognizable, as will they. So do yourself a favor, and put dating on the back burner. Date and have fun, but please stop looking for a true love at your age; it's an anomaly and only leads to heartache. Focus on yourself and your goals and getting yourelf out of the hole you're in so you can plan ahead and BECOME somebody, ok?

 

I remember telling everyone when I was 18 that I didn't know what I was going to be, but I was sure it wouldn't be in an office, by God! I've been working in an office - to pay for living - for 30 years now. What we think we KNOW at 18 is radically different from what we find out. Even my own 19 year old daughter has gone through a sea change in this last year as a freshman at college. She is so much more grown up, capable, and forward thinking! And she was more mature than most to begin with. Life changes you. Let it.

 

Think of this: Someone who goes to work right out of high school will end up earning millions less than someone who got the student loans or the 2 or 3 jobs and worked his way through college. How many trips can you take, cars can you buy, HDTVs can you afford, if you're working at McDonalds all your life? Probably not a single one.

[Nate3]

yeah I definitely learned this girl has shown her true colors in the past few days and is scum of the earth to me right now.

 

But I agree totally with what you say and understand completely. Looking for love I don't think is bad. Just don't expect anything amazing because if it doesn't work out you just look like a fool. The one thing I learn to take from all this is just too have fun and not let your life revolve around one person. Too young for that. She is the last thing I needed in my situation when Im trying to work everything out and im glad i am realizing this now.

[turnera]

Awesome! I'm glad to see people learn from their experiences. You'll be better than the average bear for doing so.