Did they make me gay?

[ramcoro]

Sigh- I don't want to start up a debate or anything, but I have always wondered, is every gay person born gay, or do some become gay because of the way they were raised? I know, at least, some are born gay, but I have heard that a lack of a father figure during your adolescence years can cause it. For I don't think thats the case. My dad was gone for a while during my childhood, but he came back when I was 11, so thats like right before puberty. BUT ... when I was about eight, there were these twins next door (girls), which were about 11, and we were kinda friends, always hanging out outside. One day they asked me to come over their house. I said yes, and well first we were playing cards, they asked me if they could see my ... third leg. Keep in mind I was only eight, so I honestly don't know why they would ask an eight year old but they did. I was so shocked they said that, I just got up and ran out and went home. I still wanted to be friends with them, so I tried pretend like it never happened. About a week later I end up in their house again. They asked me again, that time I didn't run out. I wish I did though. Instead I argued with them. After a few hours, they got what they wanted. Within a few weeks, they saw me naked everyday, and I saw them too. They made me dance for them, while I was nude. We made out a few times. I knew it was wrong. I knew it wasn't normal. Despite all of that I went along with it anyways. I was suppose to be a good church boy. I couldn't have been far from it. I feel like a man wh*** thinking about it. About a year later I moved away. Thank god. It had nothing to do with that, though. No one in my family ever found out. I told a couple friends recently but thats about it. It feels so good to finally tell people this. Back to the topic. I was thinking, what I did with them, could that have scared me away from women and made my self conscience mind reject them physically? Because that is obviously not normal. Could doing sexual things at such a young age make your body want to reject the opposite sex when hit puberty? Or is it just a coincidence?

 

 

I'm not really looking for advice so much, but I more want to hear if anyone had anything similar happen to them, or if anything at all has happen to you that you think might be a reason.

[Capricorn3]

I don't believe anyone can MAKE someone gay. I DO believe you are either born that way, or not.

[sunshine1]

I'm sure in some ways its possible that something in your childhood could have affected you psychologically and caused you to have a certain orientation, but MOST likely you are just born with a preference and most experiences won't change that.

[LightbulbSun]

Actually, that probably would have made you more prone to be straight, since it was girls.

 

A very famous musician, Peter Gabriel, lost his virginity at age 11. He likes women, has been married and divorced several times. and used to see girls naked at an early age (it's in his biography.)

 

Bottom line is, I don't think your situation made you gay. It's more about what happened later. And I think you were meant to be gay. Maybe you were gay when you explored with the girls, and that's what made you uncomfortable?

[Chris_in_Orbit]

When I was around 6 or 7 my mother was dating a guy who had a nephew who was around 12. There was one time when that guy brought his nephew over and he taught me some things that I wasn't really old enough to understand.

 

Looking back on it, I was tormented and certain that it was the reason I was gay. Well, there are plenty of people out there that would agree that this or even your situation have some weight in who we become later in life.

 

The thing is that there is no conclusive data. You can ask the question all you want but you won't know one way or the other; maybe its better that way. Ask yourself if you really need to know why you are gay. Does it really even matter? If you found out that those two girls were the reason you turned out the way you did, would you be happy to know that? Or would you spend the rest of your life blaming them for not being normal?

 

I'm glad you were able to finally talk about it, but now its time for you to let it go. Live your life and let the past be what it is. You can't do anything about it after all.

[asthesparrow]

I think what you experienced at 8 years old was VERY normal, and you've spent your life thus far convincing yourself it was very bad, and /THAT/ has had an affect on you.

[Rangafro]

I don't know if people are born gay or not, but homosexuality is not some terrible affliction brought on by childhood trauma. If you were straight to begin with at most I think you would have denied your feelings towards women, and make you more avoidant of the idea of being intimate with them but most likely you were destined to be gay before this occurred.

[ceez]

I can't speak for everyone but I know for sure I was born gay. when I was younger I knew I liked guys but I wanted a girlfriend because that's what all the other guys had. when I first herd of homosexuals I thought "oh, well that's what I am", unfortunately I grew up around a lot of homophobic people so I kept my secret to myself.

 

you are you and there's nothing you can do about it whether you like it or not its best to forget about the past and keep moving.

[FathomFear]

I feel like a man wh*** thinking about it. About a year later I moved away. Thank god. It had nothing to do with that, though. No one in my family ever found out. I told a couple friends recently but thats about it. It feels so good to finally tell people this.

 

Your situation is very common though. Young kids play around and experiment in all sorts of different ways. It's nothing to be ashamed of.

 

But to your point--if you stress yourself over what "caused" your homosexuality, it's most often an indication that you're not okay with it. You still likely see it as a "problem" or "ailment" that was "caused". Do you know why straight people don't stress and mull over what "caused" their heterosexuality? Because they see nothing wrong with it and it feels natural. I suspect the same will be true for you once you fully come to terms with it.

[Cognitive_Canine]

I think what you experienced at 8 years old was VERY normal, and you've spent your life thus far convincing yourself it was very bad, and /THAT/ has had an affect on you.

 

How is that normal?

 

I think it sounds pretty bad...I feel bad for the OP.

 

OP, I think sometimes we can become afraid of the other sex due to bad experiences and that makes us more likely to be gay. For instance, some women are lesbians because they are plainly afraid of men. Most are born that way, but some are not, unfortunately.

 

Have you sought out therapy?

[simply]

How is that normal?

 

I think it sounds pretty bad...I feel bad for the OP.

 

OP, I think sometimes we can become afraid of the other sex due to bad experiences and that makes us more likely to be gay. For instance, some women are lesbians because they are plainly afraid of men. Most are born that way, but some are not, unfortunately.

 

Have you sought out therapy?

 

I have to agree with Asthesparrow. Not only have I read that actions such as these are normal at a young age, I know plenty of people, myself included that have had experiences like this, and are completey fine.

 

As for bringing out the therapy card, why would he need that? he's gay, the issue isn't his childhood experience, in fact, theres no real issue at all, other than him not fully coming out. I see absolutely no reason for therapy.

[Rangafro]

I think it's normal for the girls to have been curious about the opposite sex, they were just rather forward about it. Normal doesn't mean what they did wasn't exploitative though. I don't think it's good enough to say that most people come out of it fine, the OP is clearly distressed about what happened regardless of whether or not it has anything meaningful relationship his sexuality.

[Cognitive_Canine]

I have to agree with Asthesparrow. Not only have I read that actions such as these are normal at a young age, I know plenty of people, myself included that have had experiences like this, and are completey fine.

 

As for bringing out the therapy card, why would he need that? he's gay, the issue isn't his childhood experience, in fact, theres no real issue at all, other than him not fully coming out. I see absolutely no reason for therapy.

 

He was made to show his privates by two older girls. They made him dance naked for them. I don't think that that's normal.

 

"I'll show you yours, you'll show me mine is normal' but this sounds horrible.

 

The OP is still haunted by this from what I read in his post. Therapy will help him get through this.

[simply]

He was made to show his privates by two older girls. They made him dance naked for them. I don't think that that's normal.

 

"I'll show you yours, you'll show me mine is normal' but this sounds horrible.

 

The OP is still haunted by this from what I read in his post. Therapy will help him get through this.

 

He was a kid, and those two older girls, were still kids as well. I think the main point is, that he found it uncomforting because he was never into women.

Now, if it were me for example, and two boys did to me what those two girls did to him, I would be running outta that house too.

So, the reason he was so freaked out, was because he was gay to begin with, hense, answering his question, are people born gay. Well, at least we're pretty certain he was.

[Cognitive_Canine]

He was a kid, and those two older girls, were still kids as well. I think the main point is, that he found it uncomforting because he was never into women.

Now, if it were me for example, and two boys did to me what those two girls did to him, I would be running outta that house too.

So, the reason he was so freaked out, was because he was gay to begin with, hense, answering his question, are people born, gay, well, at least we're pretty certain he was.

 

I think even if he was straight, an 8 year old would be traumatized by that experience.

[simply]

I think even if he was straight, an 8 year old would be traumatized by that experience.

 

I know I wasn't. I was very young, similar scenario happened, and was not at all freaked out, I was just as curious, then again, we're all different, but I still believe in his case, it had to do with him never being interested in females to begin with.

[Cognitive_Canine]

I know I wasn't. I was very young, similar scenario happened, and was not at all freaked out, I was just as curious, then again, we're all different, but I still believe in his case, it had to do with him never being interested in females to begin with.

 

I don't think we can really say what made him gay, biology or environment.

 

But, I think it's safe to say that this past experience is stressing him out (for good reason) and that he should probably ask a professional to help work through it.

[FathomFear]

I think even if he was straight, an 8 year old would be traumatized by that experience.

 

It sounds like just another variation of "I'll show you mine if you show me yours". Lots of kids go through moments like that which are embarassing in retrospect. I'm sure they do traumatize some people, but most people just take them as humorous learning experiences.

[Cognitive_Canine]

It sounds like just another variation of "I'll show you mine if you show me yours". Lots of kids go through moments like that which are embarassing in retrospect. I'm sure they do traumatize some people, but most people just take them as humorous learning experiences.

 

It doesn't sound like the OP was a willing participant though. I think that 'I'll show you mine, you show me yours' is a healthy curiosity. But, I read it that the OP was pressured into it and disliked all of it.

[jimmyvanbeck]

Maybe you were gay when you explored with the girls, and that's what made you uncomfortable?

 

I have to agree with that, usually kids are excited to explore, they're curious.

 

Also I don't think you can be "turned" gay so if anything I'd think you would be scared of women or at least anti-feminist or something if this event were to cause you any trauma, I don't think it would cause you to be sexually attracted to men.

[MitchF]

all through primary school, you know how much third leg i saw!!!!! i really don't get what the hell was going on back then. but it far from occurred to me that i was possibly gay till a fair while after.

[hexaemeron]

I remember a girl of 5 or 6 wanted to show me her er, teacup? when I was 6 or 7. I was really uncomfortable with the whole thing. Looking back, I think it was just because I was born gay and it was dealing with not my preferred gonads.

[ramcoro]

Ummm, not really what I expected to hear, but thanks? Haha ... but really? really? What happen to me was normal? Eh thats kinda hard to believe. I honetestly feel you guys are just normalizing it so I don't feel bad, but I really don't feel bad. I don't believe I need therapy. I'm over it. The purpose for this thread was not for me to seek advice, but to share the story and give everyone else a chance to share their story, if they had one. I honestly didn't think I was gay until I hit puberty. It never crossed my mind until then. I liked girls when I was younger. Really some you guys always knew? Well I guess now that I look back on things it did seem kinda obvious that I was. But still I didn't figure that out till now.

 

 

Again the purpose of this is for all you to share, a story or an opinion. Not argue or really help. There is really to help, because I don't see it as a problem that needs help.

[Cognitive_Canine]

I'm glad it didn't affect you badly.

 

I'm a straight woman but I would be pretty freaked out if a pair of older boys made me show mine.

[hexaemeron]

I'm glad it didn't affect you badly.

 

I'm a straight woman but I would be pretty freaked out if a pair of older boys made me show mine.

 

Funny, after 12 or 13, I'd have loved that. D: