What should I say if he wants to have sex?

[gig85]

Hi everyone,

 

Well I'm Swiss and I live in Switzerland and I've been having a "relationship" with an English guy who lives in England.

I met him in spain he was working there and I was on vacations.

We spent one week together hanging out (without having sex) and then we went back home.

After that we met again in London. Slept together in the same hotel room, we were just fooling around but we didnt have intercourse (because I didnt want to)

The fact is that while he was sleeping I cheked his cellphone and found a suspicious text. I felt miserable and I didnt know what to say to him, I coulnd't say that I was checking his cellphone so I just asked him "be honest are you hanging out with someone else" and he obviously said he wasn't and blahblah.

We don't keep in touch very often when we're home but when we do he is really kind, saying that he miss me and all that stuff.

Anyways we are going to meet again next week but I really don't know what to do. Should I ask him again if he's having sex with someone else? hoping he will say the truth this time or check his cellphone again?

I just want to make sure before I start having sex with me because I don't want to worry about stds and I don't want to suffer if he breaks my heart.

I really like this guy and I want to give it a try plus I'm not sure if he is really a cheater

 

What would you girls do in this case? What can I say to him if he wants to have sex and I don't trust him yet?

[-Sanguine-]

If it were me, I wouldn't think about having sex with anyone until I was officially their "girlfriend" and we were exclusive.

 

For now, it sounds like you're just hanging out, nothing official, so he really has no reason to not be fooling with other girls.

 

Just a thought.

[annie24]

i am also wondering - it sounds like you are 'hanging out' and not officially dating or a couple. have you two clarified your relationship status?

[HeartGoesOn]

I would wait until I spent more time getting to know him, and see if this developes into a relationship, and you're exclusive with each other. I think you're giving too much thought to having sex at this early stage. What's the rush?

[teabee]

I wouldn't get sexually involved with someone I didn't trust. Checking his cell phone might be an indicator that you're not secure with this person. Maybe wait a little while and keep getting to know him.

[Hermes]

Great word in the English (and other) language. N-O.

You don't have to do anything you do not want to do. And if you have doubts then perhaps just let things develop for a while, see what happens.

 

Hermes

[Cognitive_Canine]

I agree with everything that's been said.

 

Do you have dates with him and talk to him regularly? I would clarify with him that this is a real relationship and not just a FWB thing.

[Car Chick]

What was the text? Knowing that would help a lot in knowing whether or not you should trust this guy.

 

As to what to say to sexual advances, you have the right to say no. Sex without consent is rape whether you fight it off or not. If you don't want it, just say so, and don't let him pressure you into it. Don't feel guilty about saying you're not ready. If he's a good guy, he'll respect you for it and respect the fact that you aren't ready.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

We don't keep in touch very often when we're home

 

He lives in England and you live in Switzerland...he doesn't keep in touch with you much. I would say that this is a very casual relationship, not anything serious. He could very well be dating someone in his home country. If you want a relationship with him you should talk to him about it...but don't have sex with him so quickly.

[gig85]

thanks to everyone for the advices I feel better and more secure about what to do now. Many thanks

[annie24]

He lives in England and you live in Switzerland...he doesn't keep in touch with you much. I would say that this is a very casual relationship, not anything serious. He could very well be dating someone in his home country. If you want a relationship with him you should talk to him about it...but don't have sex with him so quickly.

 

i agree. basically before sex, you just want to clarify what the relationship is and you don't want to be one of several women he is sleeping with. i know that this is not a fun conversation. but, it is one that is a MUST prior to getting more involved.

 

you can just ask him casually where he sees your relationship and where he thinks it is going. ie, are you two just friends with a little more, or is he interested in dating you exclusively?

[hexaemeron]

What should you say?

 

"Sorry, I snooped when I'm not even your girlfriend."