Completely done with dating

[newwave]

After reading my posts in the marriage thread I realize I never want to date again. Men aren't worth it, and the fact is I won't get the guy I want so why bother? I don't think people realize how destroyed someone can be over heartbreak. I just hate men so much because there's so many rotten ones. I'm sure there are rotten women too but they are the ones guys like.

[Seraphim]

I really and sincerely think you could benefit with talking with someone who can help you. You appear to have some very deep rooted issues. At least please consider it.

[avman]

newwave I believe you require professional mental health assistance. I am not so sure this forum is the right place for you.

[Bethany86]

Agreed!

 

But...............girls also like the rotten guys. The a/hole wins every time.

 

I met a guy online, I once shuddered at the thought of it. But he turned out to be one of the most decent men I have ever met, with morals and values etc, even to the point where I thought this guy is just a sissy! And stupid me ended it! For no reason whatsoever! I just made dumb excuses.

 

Men have the same issues with women as women do with men. It's extremely hard to find someone you actually like these days.

 

From what I've noticed, men think women are gold digging moles.

 

Women think all men are a/holes.

 

When in fact, there are actually some decent people outh there and we are all looking in the wrong places.

[newwave]

I will go talk to a counselor where I attended school but it's not fair this keeps happening to me. I love him, I thought he felt the same way (he claimed he did) then he pulled this. I've been the victim so many times with guys and it's not fair. I have been a good person and people walk over me. I thought I finally found the one. I was so sure of it. Apparently not and I can't handle anymore rejections. This is the end of it. I am content to be alone. I'd rather be alone than deal with this. I used to be a strong person but rejection hurts.

[Seraphim]

The thing is, and I could be wrong, you seem to be obsessed about obtaining this ONE guy at whatever the cost to your mental health and those around you and anyone else who comes accross your path. If something is continuously wrong with your dating and life you have to find whatever is that you are not doing right and not flying off the handle and blaming all and sundry around you. You will not be happy till you get some serious help in this matter.

[newwave]

He's the only one I've ever wanted, ever. Yes people tell me I can do better because he's not that cute and doesn't make much money, but that doesn't matter to me. What matter is he shares my views on almost everything. He claimed he shared my view on marriage but then he got goofy about that. The problem I have is I can't find guys that appeal to me physically or intellectually. They are either not my physical type or not my intellectual type (I prefer smart guys as compared to macho he man). Plus add in I am against dating never married, no kid guys and the chances of finding a guy like are slim. I tried online dating and none of them were guys I wanted either.

[Seraphim]

But he has to want what you want in return. Right? If he doesn't why ruin your life over it? I agree though right now you should date no one while you are in this state of mind because you could do real damage to some one's esteem and life.

[Capricorn3]

After reading my posts in the marriage thread I realize I never want to date again. Men aren't worth it, and the fact is I won't get the guy I want so why bother? I don't think people realize how destroyed someone can be over heartbreak. I just hate men so much because there's so many rotten ones. I'm sure there are rotten women too but they are the ones guys like.

I would agree with you that it's maybe a really good idea for you to be done with dating, as the current mindset you are in right now would not be condusive to a happy/successful relationship with anyone.

 

I also agree with all those who have recommended some professional counselling. You really need to sort out your many issues before you can even begin to think about dating again. You need to have a healthy mind to make things work and right now that's not happening. Seek help to get yourself sorted out and then, hopefully later down the track things might work again.

[misssmithviii]

I'll make this quite short and sweet.

 

Honey, everybody knows heartache. You feel like losing hope, you feel like everything's lost and you feel like giving up.

 

Everybody knows rejection - you're not alone.

 

What shows the true measure of a human being is how they still stand when they're being pushed down.

 

You cannot throw the entire gender into the same category of ***holes.

 

It is good to be content alone, but a bit unhealthy when it's out of resentment and hatred.

 

Do not lose hope; but I do agree if you continue to feel this way and in this state of mind, you need to seek some counseling and help because it is very unhealthy for you mentally and emotionally.

[Sn0man]

newwave I believe you require professional mental health assistance. I am not so sure this forum is the right place for you.

I was shocked to see you say this avman, until I read OP's marriage thread.

 

I agree with this guy - you could use some therapy, and probably best to stay away from the dating scene until you've had some time to clear your mind.

[misssmithviii]

Patience. Do not force yourself to find love now, you are in no mental state to be looking. Take time to find the value in yourself, in your own life.

 

What I would always tell myself is "I was living just fine before him and I sure as heck can survive without him." Life does not end with a relationship, nor do you need to be jumping into another one while you hold this much anger and confusion inside.

 

I have felt just as you have and what I realized is I was being very ungrateful. Pain hurts, but to let it hinder you and ruin you is just... sad. You don't need to be doing this to yourself.

Smile. Heartbreak isn't the end of it all, darling.

 

Be thankful of what you have in life. Learn to love yourself by yourself, and when someone you can love comes along, love them beside you.

[avman]

I was shocked to see you say this avman, until I read OP's marriage thread.

 

I agree with this guy - you could use some therapy, and probably best to stay away from the dating scene until you've had some time to clear your mind.

 

Yes, that is what drove my response. I am very concerned about the OP's mental health right now and there are times when people have issues which are way beyond something we could address on an internet forum.

[newwave]

I was fine until he came back into my life. I am used to being alone but was happy he came back and wanted to get serious. That is until he pulled the he didn't want a relationship because falling in love is scary.

[misssmithviii]

Then obviously he wasn't serious. Instead of taking it out on yourself, perhaps asking yourself if you truly deserve this in your life or not will set things in perspective?

 

What I've found is you can choose the people you associate with, if they continually show me bad, negative colors - I just keep them out of my life, politely and maturely without conflict.

[Seraphim]

The thing is it does not matter what he did. You need to address your severe anger issues, talking about committing severe abuse to other people is pretty horrendous. You need to address why you would even think in that manner.

[huskiesfan]

After reading her earlier posts, I'd recommend that the OP seek immediate help. Thoughts like this not only is potentially damaging and dangerous to other people, it is destructive to your mental well-being. I agree with avman, there is little an internet forum can do to help this at this point.

[tso]

Someone on another thread suggested she's a sociopath. I don't think so, she's too emotional.

 

Saying you'd abort a baby doesn't really mean anything anyway. It's just words, but she does have issues that a good councillor could help her through.

[Dako]

I totally agree with avman.

You really seem to be hurting much more than the rest of us lonely people, and love doesn't have to be such a painful experience, no matter how posts here make it seem.

[newwave]

I don't think I'd actually have an abortion. I am so upset about all of this that the thought of another guy touching me (keep in mind I never had sex with this guy) repulses me now. I can't imagine it being anything but hatred, and it shouldn't be. I thought I found the one and I was hurt again.

[huskiesfan]

Someone on another thread suggested she's a sociopath. I don't think so, she's too emotional.

 

Saying you'd abort a baby doesn't really mean anything anyway. It's just words, but she does have issues that a good councillor could help her through.

 

True, saying you would abort a baby can be meaningless. In this case, she said she'd do it to a guy specifically to hurt him and remind him that he "is not good enough to be the father of her children". This can easily turn into a slippery slope. Sociopathic or not, she needs help, urgently.

[annie24]

i think ENA paints a 'too negative' picture of love at times. because most people come here with advice when their marriage/relationships are going downhill. once in a while, we do have people coming wanting advice on happy things (like where to go on vacation, what to buy their SO for christmas, etc....). I feel that way some times too, especially with the recent celebrities in the news for cheating. but today i just had lunch with 2 women who are in long term, happy relationships (10 and 15 years respectively). so, it's not all bad out there!

 

Newwave - i don't know what happened with this guy you talk of. I know you said before that he wasn't at a time in his life where he wanted a relationship, right? There is an excellent book, "If I'm so wonderful, why am I still single?" I recommend you read it. The author says that many people are single because they overlook one of the most important qualities in a partner - that they want the same kind of relationship you do. It doesn't matter if a guy is perfect in you in every way - if he doesn't want the same sort of relationship you do, he's not a keeper, toss him back! because ultimately, those situations will just waste your time, when you could have gone and met other men who are more suitable for you. my 2 cents.

[HeartGoesOn]

Someone on another thread suggested she's a sociopath. I don't think so, she's too emotional.

 

Saying you'd abort a baby doesn't really mean anything anyway. It's just words, but she does have issues that a good councillor could help her through.

 

You can't diagnose someone on an internet forum, only a medical professional can do that, and it's very unfair to say that she's a "sociopath."

 

Newwave...I hope that you decide to get some help.

[misssmithviii]

I mean no offense however I think you're emotionally unstable, very melodramatic and closed-off.

At this point I do agree with the administrator - there is next to nothing a forum can help you with (what I have deduced from your previous posts and how you have responded to people's help).

 

I hope all goes well for you, and I hope you can keep hope and patience predominant in your life.

[newwave]

The sad thing is he said he was ready for a relationship. I was falling for him (I didn't tell him this) and told him to let me know if he wasn't ready so I avoided this. He told me he was ready. Then a few weeks later he couldn't deal with it because his last relationship wasn't painful. It wasn't me, I wasn't too clingy, or needy or anything like that (not my style), it was him, but Istill feel like it was me.