Is it them or me?

[givinggirl]

How do you know if it's just that you consistently pick the wrong people to date, or if it is something that you are doing that turns them into the wrong person? I have always done the breaking up. Everyone would like to think that they are not the problem, but how do you know if you are? I have never had any guy say anything bad about me (that I'm aware of) and most of them try to keep in contact, but I usually don't. Once I'm done, I'm done and most likely I broke up with him for a really good reason. All the guys I have dated have been liars in some way or another.

 

First bf was a hypochondriac and threatened suicide multiple times and tried to be emotionally abusive.

 

2nd was a lot older than me, I later found out his ex-wife wasn't his ex, then he cheated on me and after I broke up with him, I found out that he had a gf when I started dating him.

 

3rd I thought was shy. My parents didn't like him, he didn't like them. He was good to me for the most part. We got engaged. About a week before the wedding he started acting like a * * * * * * * . I almost canceled the wedding 2 days beforehand, but he sweet talked me into forgiving him. He was a complete * * * * * * * at the reception, then 4 weeks later, I figure out that he is gay, but hasn't really come out of the closet yet. We never were intimate, so I filed for an annulment and moved out.

 

4th told half stories, liked to exaggerate, to be everyone's friend. We had a good relationship, so I thought, we bought a house together, then after 3 years of dating and nothing else going on but him talking, I figured out that he was just telling me what I wanted to hear to keep me there. He mostly wasn't around and I was doing everything other than shoveling snow and cutting the grass.

 

5th was very nice for 4 months in the summer and then turned mean come winter. He definitely wasn't for me, didn't have similar moral, ethics or anything, but he already had us married with kids at 2 months. He was very controlling and also tried to be emotionally and verbally abusive. He had an alcohol and prescription drug problem that he justified as ok because the doctor was prescribing the prescriptions. After I broke up with him, he tried to bust down my door and I had to call the cops.

 

I have not dated since him. It's been 2 years now. I have had such a bad run with men, so I'm trying to re-evaluate things. I do want to get married and have a family, but I am starting to feel like my time is getting short. I am interested in this shy guy that I have known for years, was an acquaintance of the guy I used to live with, but things don't seem very positive for that, at least not right now. But, he is the best guy I have ever known and now when I think about dating, I feel like I can't settle for anything under his level cause he is so perfect for me.

 

I just want to figure out why I am always dating guys that aren't right for me and is it me as a person that doesn't attract the right guys?

[IvantheAvg]

All the guys I have dated have been liars in some way or another.

 

The darkest secrets shine the brightest. You need ot take your time before trust is established.

[mca1975]

I say keep pushing on until you find a nice one!

[In the Dark]

Ugh!

 

Tell me about it!.

 

I often wonder the same thing.

Is it them relaxing and becoming the losers they are or is it our behavior?

All I know is I was absolutely loyal, I never looked at another woman, I made sure they knew my ex's were my ex's, I never flirted with other women.

 

Devoted to just one person and made them feel special.

 

But they end up being horrible to me after a while yet they complained to me about how their friend or sisters BF is cheating and using them for money!

[givinggirl]

Is it them relaxing and becoming the losers they are or is it our behavior?

 

Exactly. It seems good for a while and then little by little things aren't so good. You learn they aren't the people you thought they were or the people they wanted you to think they were. They have been lying so long that it is hard to tell they are lying. It makes me think that the majority of the people in the world are liars. I figure there has to be more honest people in this world, cause I can't be the only one. I just wish I would find them.

[In the Dark]

I am sure there are honest people in this World.

 

I often feel like I am expected to live up to their expectations of me and only to exceed it by x amount of time.

 

But the thing is I am happy with the way I am.

I don't want to achieve more to make them happy.

To go do more things than I am willing to do to make them proud so I won't lose them.

 

I had a goal and I have reached it.

 

I knew one woman who expected me to have the right answers to agree with her AND disagree with her.

 

When to be nice to her and when to yell at her.

 

How am I supposed to do that!