LOVE my bf so much, begged to get him back and now i want to break up :/

[BCC123]

ive posted a lot on here. but heres a quick background. dated for 3 years. he broke up with me and i was devastated. begged for him back. got back together a little less than 2 years later in november. been together ever since but now im thinking about break up with him ... advice is appreciated!

 

heres my reasoning. i love him so so much. i truly believe in my heart that hes the one for me and i dont know if i'll find someone else like him ever. i wont ever have a connection like that again. BUT. i dont know if that outweighs all the negatives, which are.

 

1. he lies. about not feeling his phone vibrate when i call. about things that happened while we were broken up with other girls. about what he does. its annoying.

 

2. hes in a frat and claims he has no time to talk to me. he goes to school 30 minutes away. we see each other every weekend but never talk mon - thur. my guy friends text me every day and he cant seem to find a second out of his day to text.

 

3. i feel like the effort i put in is 100 times more than what he does.

 

4. im last on his list of things to do. once i called him a bunch on a saturday night and he didnt answer. he passed out early or something. the next day he woke up saw all my missed calls, yet didnt think it was important to call me back. i had to call him later on sunday and he'd been up for a long time. * * * is that! if i saw a missed call from him id call him back immediately.

 

5. whenever i do cal him when hes at school he gets so irritated and tells me its because he doesnt like to talk on the phone yet when hes out with me and my friends he can answer all his friends call immediately and talk to them.

 

6. hes suspicious when he hangs out with girls. when im with him hes 100% different with them, acts like he doesnt like them etc etc. but when im gone hes super friendly. its not like i get mad, but when he acts like thats just suspicious and makes me wonder. what is he hiding?

 

what do u guys think? i need help.

[faithful14]

You should talk to him and tell him these things that he is doing is bothering you and ask him why he doesn't return your phone calls or make you a priority in his life. It's not good that you put in all the effort and he doesn't do much at all. He needs to be aware that he also needs to put in his share of the effort for the relationship to last. You don't seem to have much trust in him. If you don't mind me asking, why he did he break up with you last time?

[BCC123]

the first time we broke up we were just young. and spending way too much time together which was causing us to argue over the littlest things all the time. it was toxic. he said he felt like he wasnt his own person anymore. it was hard. it was a rough breakup. it was out of no where and he was immediately talking to several other girls right away.

[Mauxly]

Sounds like a dysfunctional relationship. Love shouldn't hurt or cause this much anxiety. It also sounds like you are afraid that he's going to hurt/leave you again, so you want to feel in control and leave him first.

 

I get it. I really do. If you've read any of my past posts, you know I was in a similar situation. It is painful and confusing. Not worth it. When my ex broke up with me, after the initial shock and anger, I had huge sense of relief wash over me that hasn't left. Like waking up from a nightmare.

 

My advice is to carefully evaluate whether the relationship is worth the anxiety. Keeping on mind that those thoughts that he's perfect for you and you'll never be as happy in another relationship are pure delusion. Then talk to him, insist that he step up. If he can't or won't, walk away. I know its hard and it will be painful. But I promise you that in a few years you will not regret leaving someone who lies to you, neglects you, and that you can't trust.

[catfeeder]

If the goal is to break up in order to manipulate him to pursue you back and offer better treatment, that would be a huge mistake.

 

If you intend to break up to STAY broken up--no drama, no contact, no jockeying for reconciliation, then it could be a good idea.

 

If someone isn't giving you the relationship you want and they don't intend to change, then your options are to take it or leave it. Nobody here can make that choice for you.

[BCC123]

thank u all so much, its all very helpful.

 

ive been thinking about telling him, even writing an email but i saved it in my drafts instead of sending it out. but its like, this is how he is. i DONT want him to change for me because i wouldnt change for someone. i think if a relationship should work it should work because both people are fine with the other being themselves. i dont want to be the reason my boyfriend changes. i dont want to be controlling like that. i think i just want to cut it off, because its too late to take anything back. this is how he is and thats that.