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Is Marriage that important?


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Is it true that if you were once married before and divorced and you try dating again, the other person views you differently? What I mean is like for an example say that you were never married before and it be your first marriage i'm sure there be some excitement because it be yall''s first marriage. What about the 2nd time around? Isn't it best to date a divorced person than a single person? Giving the fact that you've done the marriage thing before so you know how it is like.

 

You see with me its like I've done the marriage thing before, and really dont see myself as marriage material anymore. I mean I dont mind dating, or getting in a realtionship but as far as marriage does not come up. Is marriage really that important? I mean wont it be hard to find a guy that does not want marriage in there future?

 

Take like Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell for example, or Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins they were never married to each other but they have been together for so long.

 

My friend the other day says that she wants to be married when she turns 30. I told her your crazy if you think your going to go through the same path after getting hurt and I wonder how and why would she want to do that again. I know I'm not doing it thats for sure. Why, take your freedom taken up? And having to spend you rest of your life with one person and knowing that you have to be with that one person for the rest of your life? Does anyone have the same feeling I do?

 

Am I the only one that thinks that marriage isn't such a big deal? How about finding the person that does not want marriage? Marriage is just a piece of paper. I see it that way.

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Am I the only one that thinks that marriage isn't such a big deal? How about finding the person that does not want marriage? Marriage is just a piece of paper. I see it that way.

I don't think it's a huge deal either really. Not that I wouldn't do it, as most women want the whole romantic wedding thing, or have religious beliefs that are important to them. However, I'm not a big fan of the whole marriage institution either.

 

I'm sure, as a woman, you're probably in the minority . . . but finding a man who shares your views is probably much easier than the other way around.

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I think it depends on the person. There are a lot of people who don't to get married. Basically, those who don't...tend to have deep hurt in their past...like you.

 

There are a lot of guys out there like that. To each his own, ya know?

 

I wouldn't want to get married, in case I have to give some of my assets away if I got a divorce.

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Hello Cool Girl:

 

IMO having been hurt in a first marriage, or having had a bad first marriage does not necessarily mean a second marriage will be equally bad. That is not logical.

 

I am neither for nor against marriage, one way or another. In essence it is not so different from a very long-time and solid relationship. Because you had a first bad relationship (long or short) does not mean that th next time round the same will happen.

 

Basically, one should not dive headlong into anything: marriage or relationship.

 

Hermes

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Being married involves a level of declared commitment over simply living together. Since breaking up now involves legal proceedings instead of just the difficulties of finding your own place, you now have considerably more incentive to work out your relationship problems, instead of just walking. Some problems can be resolved if you're willing to put in the effort.

 

Of course, some problems can't. That's why I'm divorced.

 

What about children? Not everyone wants them, but children are an even bigger commitment than marriage. If you're going to take that step, you might as well be married, since it simplifies a lot of legal issues.

 

There's also the emotional aspect. Being married is "just a slip of paper," but it's affirming. It's another step, like saying "I love you." They're "just words," but they're emotionally important. That's probably what's going through your friend's mind.

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I view previously married and never married guys very differently. Previously married usually means they don't want to remarry. Even if they do, I'd be very jealous of the ex. Never married guys likely have exes but they aren't forever connected to them. Plus, I view divorce in most cases as a sin, just as I do guys with kids who never married the mother.

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Previously married usually means they don't want to remarry. Even if they do, I'd be very jealous of the ex. Never married guys likely have exes but they aren't forever connected to them.

Apparently nothing I said last time about this stuck. Lots of people - men and women - who get divorced do want to marry again someday. Not everyone, but your impressions of what divorce "usually means" are not exactly representative.

 

By the same token, if there were no children from the marriage, divorce often means a complete break in contact. People handle breakups that involve divorce pretty much the same way they handle breakups of other long term relationships.

 

Plus, I view divorce in most cases as a sin, just as I do guys with kids who never married the mother.

This is what it's really about for you. Which is fine for you, but it would be nice if you'd stop projecting your ideas of how divorced men and women behave on to other people.

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Maybe the fact that you've been married already takes away any "pressure" to do it. Almost like you've ticked something off the list. From now on it will be a choice and you won't be seen as the woman that noone ever wanted to marry. I'm talking about very sublimilal associations here..

 

I don't know how I feel about the matter. It scares me a bit. I will need a man to encourage me a little because my romantic nature yearns for it but the image I have in my head of marriage and children stresses me a lot.

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I think it depends on the person. There are a lot of people who don't to get married. Basically, those who don't...tend to have deep hurt in their past...like you.

 

There are a lot of guys out there like that. To each his own, ya know?

 

Yea, but how do you find a guy that wants the same thing? I cant go put on my profile that " Not looking for marriage" because most guys do hoping that the relationship might lead somewhere, and I dont see it like that.

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Yea, but how do you find a guy that wants the same thing? I cant go put on my profile that " Not looking for marriage" because most guys do hoping that the relationship might lead somewhere, and I dont see it like that.

 

Why couldn't you list that? I've seen online profiles from guys where it states they don't want marriage. I think part of the problem is most people do want to marry, even those who state they don't. In many cases these are people who refuse to marry unless they meet the perfect one, which is understandable. Other people do want to marry and will marry anyone.

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