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Struggling again this morning... PLEASE HELP ME :-(


mca1975

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Feeling so rubbish this morning and upset. Live in ex has mailed me on facebook with a big long list of how he is going to change his life and make things right between us - Why has he only done this now when its too late!!!

 

I am so gutted. I so wish that I could say yes lets give it another chance, but I am done now. It is so hard keeping that in mind and not giving in. Please help me.

 

All I want to do is take his pain away and give him a chance, but how can I possibly when I actually felt relief yesterday over this break-up.

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Stay strong MCA...you know its the only way to break the cycle.

 

Being with someone because they need you to be and because you need to be needed by them has a name - co dependency. I have been there, very recently and am in a similar boat - you have seen my recent posts - and now, after all the nastiness and emails I have had a days and nights of texts begging me, saying how he doesnt understand. Its a beautiful day, my girls are going back to their Dad, and I will be alone but I MUST stay strong...because if I dont I am just prolonging the agony and preventing myself from eventually finding real happiness...

 

If you really do want to leave this relationship behind, stay strong and stick to your guns...do you really want to be going through this is another few months time?

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Feeling so rubbish this morning and upset. Live in ex has mailed me on facebook with a big long list of how he is going to change his life and make things right between us - Why has he only done this now when its too late!!!

 

I am so gutted. I so wish that I could say yes lets give it another chance, but I am done now. It is so hard keeping that in mind and not giving in. Please help me.

 

All I want to do is take his pain away and give him a chance, but how can I possibly when I actually felt relief yesterday over this break-up.

 

I'm sorry you are hurting! The first days are rough and you really need a plan to get out of there to help decrease the hurt. You said you are going to a friend's house right?

 

For now, you really need to stay off facebook. If he emails you, don't open it. Cut off communication for now if you can.

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Feeling so rubbish this morning and upset. Live in ex has mailed me on facebook with a big long list of how he is going to change his life and make things right between us - Why has he only done this now when its too late!!!

 

You know - when people are backed up against a corner they often promise to make all sorts of changes for the better. And they probably mean it. But most of them (by far) quickly slips back into old patterns once the initial crisis is over.

 

To cut a long story short - even if he might be genuinely interested in changing his ways, this is all caused by the crisis he is facing in regards to you.

 

His promises cannot be trusted.

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Thanks all, something in me is not letting me give in and try again, as hard as that may be.

 

It's an attractive offer insofar as it would take away this pain, this guilt and this horrible tension, but I cannot wholeheartedly say that I want to, out of fear of things sliding back and also we have many differences to overcome. I know he means what he is saying, but yes, I dont think it will last. I truly hope he makes those changes for himself, for a happier life for himself.

 

This relationship is very co-dependant and I suspect this is why it is hurting us both so much.

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I know everyone is saying stay strong, keep to this.

 

But people arent perfect, people can change for the better, he may have not realised how badly his behaviour was affecting/hurting you and now he sees it he may want to change.

 

I'm not saying get back with him, im saying think it through very very carefully.

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You know - when people are backed up against a corner they often promise to make all sorts of changes for the better. And they probably mean it. But most of them (by far) quickly slips back into old patterns once the initial crisis is over.

 

To cut a long story short - even if he might be genuinely interested in changing his ways, this is all caused by the crisis he is facing in regards to you.

 

His promises cannot be trusted.

 

Those are exactly my sentiments. In a sense it is a con. They con you into thinking that all their bad behaviours will suddenly disappear because they have seen the light...but you know what...they always KNEW their behaviours were bad but they still did it anyway. It is not that they didn't understand they were wrong, it was because they could GET AWAY WITH IT. So when they see the other person pulling away, they do the "boo hoo, panic tears, and the 'I have seen the error of my ways' talk" but once they have you back in the fold they quickly revert back to the same old same old behaviours they got away with before. Stay strong and don't fall for it. Any meaningful change from him would take months or even years, not 5 minutes.

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I agree with the most posters here. As much as I would want my ex back, and as much as i screamed and begged and swore I would change, a month after breakup I realised it was all knee jerk reaction. No, it doesnt mean I wouldnt change, or that I dont love her. It is that change comes with time, and can best occur if there's sufficient distance and space between both of you. the comfort of the r/s, the lulling safety and security of having you by his side, the co-neediness takes away the motivation and the need to change. insisting on a breakup is like throwing him into the deep end of the pool, he will be forced to swim and swim he will! if u accept him back it will be a matter of weeks before he reverts back to his old behaviour, and then the same problem arises again.

 

like what the wisest men alwaysw sad, take a step back so u can move two steps forward. what u are doing is for the best for both of u! stays trong!

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