Can't keep my promises. How to make up?

[Keraron]

I was very cynical and paranoid until I met her (in real life we were together every day for almost 5 months, did things worth a lifetime!). But after she returned to her country, her absence made me loose control over my thoughts. I planned revenge ("moving on" or "having other girls") for things she never did, and it turned out that my mistrust was based on nothing but my own imagination.

 

The only "valid" reason for fear is we didn't commit to a relationship: both seemed unwilling to risk our friendship, especially with distance. But we chat daily, send each other sms and she is sweet with me as usual. It is "de facto" a relationship, but officially "brother and sister" - so I get very anxious whenever her behavior changes (e.g. if she sends an e-mail instead of an sms, or if she doesn't write with our "love language").

 

We made promises: phone once a week, meet for major events, and study in the same city one day! But my paranoia make it difficult to keep those promises: I failed several exams, became disorganized, forgot to prioritize duties, missed dates, didn't follow my schedule, etc.

 

I promised her for ages that I would visit her during Easter. When I told her I can't because I have to retake exams, she cried on the phone, and distanced herself for days.

I also study her language, so I was planning to apply to a Masters program in her city. She was very excited about it, even helped me a lot. But because I won't finish college in time, it is very unlikely that I'll start next year...

 

My first job is to stop my anxieties, and I am working on it. But I would appreciate your advice on how to make up for all these mistakes (consider that her country has extreme visa restrictions, and we are still students depending on parents' income...).

 

Thanks and sorry for the long post.

[Capricorn3]

I think the only way to make up for broken promises, is to apologize and mean it sincerely and after that, STOP making promises you can't keep. It is a sure fire way of losing her forever. I once knew a person like this who always broke his promises and it eventually lost him all his friends and even some family as no-one trusted him anymore. Try and see it from her point of view - how would you feel if she was forever making promises and never stepped up to the plate? It sucks.

 

If you know it's not going to be easy seeing her in her country for whatever reasons, then don't promise her you'll see her soon (or whatever). Face the reality that it may take a lot longer to see her, perhaps even a year or two. I can only suggest that once you finish your studies/college and have saved enough money etc etc, THEN you tell her that you'll make plans to see her. Until then, stick to a phone call once a week.