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Can't get the unattainable girl out of my head...


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So I had asked out a girl from work a while back, (a part-time job we both have while in college). She had said she had a "sort of guy friend" she was seeing or something like that. I wasn't sure if that was true but I guess now it is, as her facebook status has her in a relationship now and apparently she had been good friends with the guy for a while already. I had asked her out because I really like her, and she is a lot cooler and more interesting than any other girl I've met. And we seemed to get along well too, but I think I took her friendliness as flirting. I NEVER ask girls out, and by that I mean she was actually the first girl I've ever asked out and I'm almost 26. But that's just because I've never met a girl I've been attracted to or interested in enough to actually ask out. And she had mentioned an EX-boyfriend, though I do remember her talking about a close guy-friend she spent a lot of time with. So I bit the bullet and asked her out. For a long while after that she avoided me, barely talked to me I guess I made her feel uncomfortable, or she didn't want to give me the wrong impression anymore. But a couple months ago she started acting fairly normal again and would chat with me, even joke around a little.


Anyway, she quit recently and I guess I won't be seeing her at all anymore; although she isn't moving anytime soon so it's possible she may be around sometime. I just really wish I knew what she thought of me, if she saw me as just some poor love-sick puppy who got rejected or if she felt any kind of attraction for me at all. Before I had asked her out we got along so well, I would have thought we at least would have been friends. I've never had a girl show interest in me, and maybe had wishful thinking since she seemed so friendly with me and that's why I took the chance and asked her out. I keep thinking about her all the time because she's more my type than any other girl I've met. Plus I'm so shy and not very confident I rarely meet girls, let alone ones that I genuinely like, so it was hard knowing this girl I'm crazy about is now taken and leaving. How do I get over this?


I keep wondering if she hadn't been involved with this guy-friend of hers, would she have been interested in me? I'm almost 26 and have never had a girlfriend, and the girl I've felt the most attraction to so far is unattainable. How do I move on and forget about her?

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You move on just one day at a time.


This isn't a bad thing that happened. You asked out a girl. You showed courage. This was actually a watershed moment for you.


Now you need to get the idea that certain women are unattainable to you out of your thought schemata, learn some interpersonal communication skills and you are on your way.

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I think I can relate to your situation and although I can't give you any advice on how to forget this girl (since I'm incapable of doing so myself), sometimes just knowing that other people are in your situation might help make you feel better =) the logical way of thinking is to move on and date another girl but it's so difficult.

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I was in almost the exact same situation recently, but it wasn't that she had someone else she was seeing- she just doesn't want a boyfriend right now.


But everything else you describe about yourself and the situation you found yourself in with her is exactly the same as my situation, down to me being shy, it being the first girl I've ever really been interested in enough and her avoiding me after me asking her out, even if she was flirting with me at first, but then her attitude changed. and not being at the same place of work anymore.


I think you are probably right in saying that it was probably because she felt uncomfortable or that she just didn't want to give you the wrong impression anymore. I often wonder if I mistook her friendliness as flirting too, but the two are unmistakeable. Some girls flirt just for the fun of it, others don't realise they are doing it, then are surprised when they get attention from guys that they don't want. Again I wonder if my situation fell into this category.


I'm about 2 years older than you, and before this girl, I'd never asked a girl out either. It was a real blow, mainly because of how she handled the whole thing, and my inexperience.


Still is, and I still can't get her out of my head and it's been over 2 months now since I saw her last.


Whatever you do, no matter how much she is 'in your head' under no circumstances whatsoever, DO NOT contact her by any means. I learned that the hard way, but STILL wonder if she was ever interested, and what she really thinks of me. Probably not very favourably at all now, after what I did, but yeah, it's hard. That's life.

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