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I just got out of a really tumultuous 10 month relationship. And mean tumultuous from the very start. My Ex had been in an abusive relationship prior to meeting me. I think she’d been out of it 6 months (I say ‘think’ cos she really didn’t want to talk about it it much, so I didn’t push it). So she kept telling me she wasn’t ready for a relationship so I kept trying to walk away but she’d always chase after me. Now I know that this sounds like game-playing but it really wasn’t. Whenever she would freak out about ‘Us’, I’d be as understanding as I could and reassure her and say to her not to worry, we don’t have to do this, told her we go at whatever pace she wanted to, we’ll go back to just being friends, it’s all cool.

 

I know I should have been stonger here and walked away and went no contact but when she wasn’t freaking out, it was amazing between us. We got on so well, laughed constantly, never at a loss for conversation, sex was fantastic. Just generally having a ball!

 

So one time, about 6 months into the relationship, within the space of 5 minutes, we went from cuddling, laughing, joking around to her crying telling me that she’s falling for me but she can’t. She also tells me that she wished it was 2 or 3 years from now.

 

At the time, I was puzzled by this as I thought she meant she wished we’d been going out for 2 years. I’d had a few drinks and didn’t think about it too much.

Fast forward 4 months (and many more break ups. Far too many to mention!), it’s over for good. She instigated it and it’s different this time. No freak out, she just went no contact. I haven’t heard from her in 2 months. I won’t lie, it’s hit me hard. I really fell for her. I’m sad it’s over but I know it’s for the best. Today it hit me what those words meant.

She meant she wished she’d met me in 2 or 3 years time, when she was ready.

Alas, our chance has gone and that isn’t going to happen. Too much water under the bridge. Too much hurt. Too many tears. On both sides.

And that’s why I’m sad!

No question, just a rant

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Awwww!! I hope you feel better soon.

I came out of a relationship with a guy I should never have fallen for. I thought we'd be fine too - but we are not. Both of us are hurting real bad and I wish things were different. But they are not, and thats that

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hang in there, you sound like a great guy. Hard to find. Timing is everything. She sounds really damaged from her past and would only carry that into your relationship if you two stayed together longer. As much as it hurts now its better that it was sooner rather than later. Go through what you need to feel and just try to stay active and not dwell on it so much. If things were meant to be then it will find its way maybe later in the future because right now isn't the right time for whatever reason. You sound like a nice guy, dont worry, you will find someone that is even better. You just dont know it yet

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Thaks for the replies guys. This place is a big help.

 

Right now, I've no intention of contacting her, I write loads and loads of emails/texts but I followed some advise i read here, and always waited a few hours before reading them again and deleting them.

 

I need to to a bit of self-reflection. How did i get myself inot this mess? I mean, we had a blast when we were together but at the back of my mind I knew this was never gonna have a Hollywood ending. Why did I let myself get in so deep? Why did she keep chasing me when she wasn't ready?

 

Just got a head full of whys today. It'll pass

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