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3 WEEKS NC-finally struggling-please help w my story


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hey everyone

 

three weeks no contact since the breakup yesterday and today's been the worst day since the breakup day. i feel like i cant breathe. had been doing alright, keeping busy, laughing not crying. but now i want him back is the feeling.

 

my story - dated ex for 8 months. broke up in december because he wanted to have sex and i want to remain a virgin (we had been doing everything else), so our needs were not compatible. tried to move on as best i could with no contact at that time. he came back to me 2 weeks later saying he had made a grave mistake, that he realized our bonding/conversations/connection was greater then sex and he coudl wait (when we were broken up he had sex with a girl and i guessed it wasnt what he thought he was missing?). after securing a lot of promises and letting him know that i cant be jerked around like this, and if he needs sex i am not the one for him (like i said we did everything but vag intercourse). he said he wants to be w/ me and no pressure for sex.

 

cut to march (3 weeks ago) when he abruptly told me that he once again needs to have sex. i was torn up having gone through this again and he dumped me. been NC 3 weeks, but unlike last time he didnt come back. obviously he needs to go fulfill his needs and im not that person.

 

but WHY COULDNT WE HAVE REMAINED BROKEN UP IN DECEMBER? i would have been so far ahead in my healing. why did he come back and screw me (haha) all over again?

 

after 2 weeks of NC, he texted me asking me what i wanted to do about some of my stuff that was in his place and also for a favor i agreed to before we broke up. i ignored him. then 2 days later i saw him for the first time since breakup in person at work. i was busy with a client but he tried to smile and say hi to me, so i said hi back. he tried to have a brief convo with me and i just answered his questions neutrally with a smile and then said i had to go (i.e. trying to seem nice but unattached). he then later reappeared 1/2 hour late at my desk asking if i had eaten lunch yet (again i was bsuy with a coworker working on a project... i assume he came to see if i wanted to eat w/ him?) and i just smiled at him and said yes i had, and had to get back to work.

 

i havent heard or seen him since.

 

today is 3 weeks no contact and i feel so bad. i miss him so much. i would have considered having sex with him when we were in a relationshipp but even though we were exclusive and he said "he loved our conversations and my personality" he never said i love you or seem to ramp up the words for a more committed relationship.

 

in case this helps, he was recently divorced late last year (2008).

 

please give me some advice. i felt like we were so compatible. we had a lot of sexual tension and since we were physical to an extent he said he never had sexual chemistry like he had w/ me, with anyone else.

 

how can he have moved on so quickly? i feel like i was the opposite of his ex wife (cold, selfish, not giving, all they had was sex but no emotioanl connection, she cheated on him like 10 times). why wouldnt he want someone like me?

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You can have all those great qualities, but if he has been sexually active, and is missing that, there isn't really a replacement. He probably does really care for you, but can't get past that. He probably feels that you don't truly love him, because you don't want to have sex with him. I know I can feel the other persons emotions and what they feel for me, through sex, which is why I'll never say "I love you" to someone I haven't had sex with. To me the words are far weaker than the act.

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but i think its good for some women to protect themselves and only have sex with someone who has told them that he loves them. he never did. i didnt want to have sex and then get dumped immediately - that would have KILLED me....

 

what do other people think? i mean he KNOWS that if he was more verbally committed to me i would have been more open to have sex

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