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Trying to impress? or genuine


Chantal87

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Ive noticed that when you start dating a guy (the first few dates)most guys, are chivalry in the way they open the door, walk you to your car, be a gentleman....then it slowly starts to fade. Do they do this just to win you over?

 

The guy im seeing still does this. we've been on about 4 dates ( i only see him once a week due to his work schedule). Will this eventually stop? How can you know?

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Everyone is on their best behavior in the beginning, men and women alike. But some men truly are gentlemen. The better question is, if this is truly how he is, are you going to be able to recognize he is a good guy, or will you label him a pushover?

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Interestingly enough my man was very chivalrous in the beginning and he still is. He doesn't go out buying me flowers after every argument, but when the occasion calls for it he's still very much a gentleman. I don't think a true gentleman will stop opening doors for you, pulling out your chair or in my case, we warm each other's towels in the dryer.

 

If he's really a gentleman, then you should have no problem asking him if he's really a gentleman or not. I find openness and security to be a part of chivalry.

 

Good luck with him.

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Only time and getting to know the person will tell.

 

A dead give away tho with guys who do it for show (well some of them) is that you'll see them not acting consistently; he'll be super nice to you, but you can see from those around him that he doesn't give all people equal respect.

 

What's more important than the chivalry acts, IMO, is whether he respects you or not, and whether he is in general respectful of others or not. Acts of chivalry are just nice little flourishes when the person is a considerate one, not the 'thing' to judge a person's character on.

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Good point. I have heard once that when you are with a guy look to see how he treats his mother and sisters (if he has any) because if he treats them harshly or without respect thats usually how he will treat you.

 

I am going to meet his freinds next weekend, would that be a good idea to kinda snoop and and watch his actions around them? or no because they will be mostly guys.

 

One thing I like out of that though, he smiles with his eyes. I know thats lame and what your grandmother would say to you, but I think thats also an indication that he may be genuine?

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I don't think it's lame to like how he smiles with his eyes, I think you like him and that's cool!

 

I don't think you need to snoop so much as just keep your eyes open, keep your head from floating away too much (like a lot of us are prone to do when we like someone) and just use your common sense. You'll be fine. See what happens.

 

And enjoy! Sounds pretty great so far.

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If he is a true gentleman it will never fade. My boyfriend of 3 years is still very Chivalrous towards me. I compliment him on it all the time and let him know that I truley appreciate it. He thanks me for appreciating him and tells me that the way I treat him motivates him to want to always treat me better and better

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My husband is a gentleman but it's because he has a good soul - so it comes naturally. What I would suggest is that you stop thinking of this in general terms as "do guys still act chivalrous after dating for awhile" and start treating him and regarding him as an individual. It sounds like he is treating you as an individual -- including by the way he smiles with his eyes.

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Well, chivalry is an "act" for the most part as it really doesn't have applicability in most modern societies. I mean, women do not inherently deserve or need to have doors opened for them, for example. That was just born out of a culture that valued them as prizes, not as equal human beings.

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