Trying to play the stupid games to get her back..I hate this...Am I doing it right?

[Live-N-Learn]

My girl and I broke up 8 1/2 weeks ago and she got with another guy. We did not talk much for the first 5 weeks and she never told me about the other guy. She hid him from me the whole time. I think she quit seeing him at the end of Febuary. We have been talking, texting and hanging out for the past 5 weeks on and off.

 

She has not said she wants to come back but did come and spend the night 2weeks ago. She knows I want to get back together and I think I am making it too easy on her so I decided to try the The Perfect Plan Mach11 that is posted on this site.

 

I stopped initiating any texts, emails or calls. We went two days without any contact and then yesterday she text me and I did not respond for 4 hours. I usually responded within 30 minutes. She sent back a text saying "Wow, Mr. Busy". I played it cool and said "yea it's been a busy crazy day".

 

Then last night she sent me another text when she got off work saying, "I hope everything is ok. Im compatable with u today saya my horoscope"

 

I was buzzed and responded back about 20 minutes later at 11:33pm saying. "Well you got 27 minutes left of compatibility. lmao". I really feel stupid for responding! I had her getting insecure and the plan was working. Did I mess it up? She knows I was out last night with friends after midnight so she can't think I meant I wanted her to come over.

 

I hope I did not mess it up and ran her off. I hope she is thinking wow, he thinks we are not compatible anymore and is moving on.

 

What would you think if you got these texts from me? If she wants me back did this help or hurt my chances of her contiinuing to feel insecure and reaching out to me?

 

I really need some advice. I am really hurting. I will continue to not text her or call her. I hope she doesn't get really pissed at me for saying that and give up on me.

[Live-N-Learn]

Please someone respond I am really struggling with my thoughts and wanting to call her really bad.

[TryingVeryHard]

Chill man, go outside and don't bring you phone... It's only been 16 minutes since you posted...

 

In my opinion... You should wait for her to contact you... Things don't seem to be going bad at all for you..

[minou]

Your response was a lighthearted joke. Don't worry about it. When people miss each other they do something about it. You are in each other's lives right now. That's good. Just relax and be as happy as you can within yourself. That's what makes people most attractive. Good luck.

[CaptainNapalm]

No matter how you play it, in the grand scheme of things, your game tactics will have very little to do if you'll get her back or not. She will either want to get back with you for deeper reasons or not and whether you impose your day to day tactics on her will not influence her much.

[Live-N-Learn]

No matter how you play it, in the grand scheme of things, your game tactics will have very little to do if you'll get her back or not. She will either want to get back with you for deeper reasons or not and whether you impose your day to day tactics on her will not influence her much.

 

I guess I really struggle with knowing how to respond and act. She is not letting me go and is not totally back either. Maybe she is just trying to keep me around for comfort because we get along so well and have such a great conncection. She has told me that she has never conncected with a guy on so many levels as she does with me.

 

It just seems when I stop calling and pull away she keeps reaching out and not letting me go. And when I give into it and start initiating or telling her how I feel she kinda pulls away. I feel like she is the one stringing me along and if I don't play these games and pull away and act like I am moving on, she will never feel insecure that she is going to lose me if she doesn't make up her mind to come back or not.

 

Right now I just think she thinks she has me wrapped around her finger and that is why I have to pull away and act as if I don't care much anymore and am moving on.

[feejruin]

ah these damnable games.

 

i suppose its true though that they wouldnt really be playing these games if they knew what they wanted. maybe thats really the bigger issue here. the games will stop once she achieves clarity of purpose.

 

whether or not this will ever happen, who knows. guess the only choice we have is 1) play 2) not play

 

and if we wanna play....we just need to be mindful of the strategy. and stay the course. she's been initiating contact for weeks and ive been playing it very cool and somewhat distant.

 

but there are moments when i find myself craving that contact from her. and when it doesnt come i find myself spiraling downward. but constant mindfulness is keeping me from initiating contact. it also helps to keep in mind that shes probably with the new guy (whether or not she is is irrelevant. just keeping it in mind keeps me from contacting her.)

 

she has asked why things are different now when we talk. but i dodged that answer. nothing serious.

 

pull away - chart your own course and let her tack to you. to all of us.

[turnera]

If she ever found out you were playing games...would she still like you?

[RobD70]

One slip is nothing to worry about, I screwed up many, many times and yet I still saved my marriage at the 11th hour.

 

People say (people = me) the more you try to win them back, the more you’ll fail. That’s because once you stop trying you just give up and end up ignoring them which is sort of what you are trying to do now. It’s hard just to give up like that so sometimes you have to make a game of it to keep you acting like you moved on from their POV.

 

The goal is to make them think you are no longer that interested in them and are moving on…until you actually do. Fake it until you make it they say. That means don’t contact them and ignore stupid small contacts from them. Don’t answer if they call (put their ring tone on silent) and only respond to text that are asking important questions after an hour or so. Basically act like you are the dumper with an annoying dumpee trying to maintain contact.

 

They more you ignore them, the more it will drive them crazy. Give yourself points for every txt you ignore or something lol. I used to laugh every time my wife would txt me after our third breakup because I know it would bother her not to respond. I took the power back and in the end she practically begged me back while I was pushing for the divorce. Wasn’t even trying anymore by then lol.

[Live-N-Learn]

I think you make a very good point about the "other guy" I too do not know if she is with him now or not. She tells me she is single but who really knows. I did not ask her if she was single, she volunteered the information.

 

This is so hard. I should just be over her since she left me and started dating another guy and hid it from me. I was out with her best friend the other night and she called and asked to talk to him and told him not to tell me about the other guy. He told me anyway.

 

He does not know if she is still with him or not. Last time he saw them together was 5 weeks ago and he hates him and told her she should get back with me. We have hung out quite a bit, text alot and talked on the phone alot the past 5 weeks but she still is not back.

 

I just need to try to move on and only respond to her. I need to not talk anymore about getting back together and wait for her to initiate the conversation. I don't know if she ever will but I know it is not helping my chances when I stay so available.

 

I hate that she reaches out more when I pull away. I hate the games but unfortunately I love her. I wish I could turn off my feelings and hold onto the fact she has lied to me about why we broke up and that she probobly only wants me around for comfort.

[Live-N-Learn]

Thanks Rob,

 

Do you think I slipped up by what I responded or will she read into this as just a light hearted joke about the horoscope for the day and I was just saying you only have 27 more minutes of compatibility before it turns midnight?

 

As for how to act going forward, I am going to continue to only respond and only to texts that matter. I will try to not take any calls. That will be hard. We are suppose to all go dancing Saturday night. Should I blow it off and when she asks where I am, just send a text that I made other plans? Or should I go and just act a little distant and not talk about us at all.

[Ms Darcy]

She should not get back with you if that's not what she wants and I think her friend should stop interfering. Ultimately, I think she won't get back with you unless that is her wish and texting her after 20 minutes or 4 hours won't change the underlying reasons she left you.

[Live-N-Learn]

She should not get back with you if that's not what she wants and I think her friend should stop interfering. Ultimately, I think she won't get back with you unless that is her wish and texting her after 20 minutes or 4 hours won't change the underlying reasons she left you.

 

I agree Darcy, her friend should not have told me that information. As for why she left me, I still don't know that is what makes it so hard. She tells me as recent as last week that she has never connected with another guy more than me on so many levels. Intellectually, emotionally, humor, like the same things and people, sexually.

 

That is what makes it so hard to let go. I too feel the same way.

[Ms Darcy]

As for why she left me, I still don't know that is what makes it so hard. She tells me as recent as last week that she has never connected with another guy more than me on so many levels.

 

I can see why that's confusing. My advice is to gently but firmly call her on these statements when she makes them. If she says that she has never connected with another guy on so many levels more than you, then ask her point blank why she left. If you let her say these things without asking her to explain contradictory actions, then YOU are letting her string you along.

[efftheadmins]

I'm a fan of the direct route. Just tell her not to contact you anymore unless she wants to get back together with you. Ignore anything not pertaining to a reconciliation. Problem solved.

[Live-N-Learn]

I can see why that's confusing. My advice is to gently but firmly call her on these statements when she makes them. If she says that she has never connected with another guy on so many levels more than you, then ask her point blank why she left. If you let her say these things without asking her to explain contradictory actions, then YOU are letting her string you along.

 

Thanks Darcy I will try to do that when I hear them. It is so hard to be in this place of limbo. I care so much for her but am allowing her to string me along. I really am trying to get her to tell me the truth. I have asked her why if we connected on so many levels she is not here, but she avoids answering the question. I will have to be more firm.

 

I am at a place of only responding to her at this point and not like I used to. I have put so much energy into trying to figure out why we broke up and why we are not back together if it was so good, and I just can't figure it out. I really wish I did not care and love her so much, it would be easier to stand firm and let go.

 

Maybe she just needs some time to go play the field and figure out what she wants. I really do not know. I do know that she is not letting me go and is wanting me in her life. As I mentioned she spent the night about 2 weeks ago and it was like old times. Unfortunaltly she still did not come back.

 

All of her mixed signals are killing me. Sending me texts and adding at the end much love , me. Calling and telling me her horoscope says we are compatible today. All those statements are too much for my heart to take. I guess we will never be able to hang out as friends for sure. I care too much and she seems fine with being selfish and leading me on.

 

That is how it seems, she said the other day at lunch that she would never be able to find another guy like me. But again, she is not back. I stop texting she starts initiating and sending mixed signals. Maybe all she wants is to make sure she has me in her back pocket as a comfort or backup.

 

She also said let's keep hanging out and see what happens. That is the real hard one for me to let go of. I hate this

[Ms Darcy]

You are definitely in limbo. My advice: the next time she says anything about you two being perfect, ask her why she left then. If she hems and haws and doesn't answer, then CUT HER OFF; she's using you for the ego boost.

[Live-N-Learn]

You are definitely in limbo. My advice: the next time she says anything about you two being perfect, ask her why she left then. If she hems and haws and doesn't answer, then CUT HER OFF; she's using you for the ego boost.

 

I will do that Darcy. I am in such a bad place not knowing and getting so many mixed signals. I have asked her to come back and she said she can't right now. That was 6 weeks ago. I went NC for 11 days and told her I could not be in contact and if she wanted to come back call.

 

I broke down and called her then we started talking again for the past 3 weeks and she has initiated some get togethers but not real dates, just hanging out. Now she has continued with the mixed signals and said let's just hang out and see what happens.

 

I hate the fact that right now I am not able to just pick up the phone and call her and say straight out "what do you want" everyone here is saying to give her space and wait for her to come to me and then say something. This is so difficult just waiting in limbo.

 

I do not want to blow my chances of being with her by initiating the contact. I want her to contact me and that way I know she still cares and I can then say something. I feel really weak if I have to call her to initiate. I also fear she will not call me anymore or text me.

 

I know that is probobly not true cuz I just went two days without contacting her and she text me twice yesterday. So is the advice to wait for her to reach out to me and stay in limbo then confront her? Or should I just call and get it over with?

[turnera]

NO.

 

ACCEPT that you CAN live without her.

 

You can.

 

You may not want to, but you can. There are millions of other women out there and, if you have to, you will find one.

 

Remember that. IF she calls you again, and she brings up how great you are, BE OFFENDED!

 

You SHOULD be! Be mad that she's put you through hell, if she thinks you're so awesome. And if she doesn't think you're awesome in 'that' way, tell her 'then thanks but no thanks - I'm going to go look for someone who appreciates me in the way I want to be appreciated.'

 

And walk away.

[jahur]

in a nutshell, games never work! nothing but grief! always certain to backfire on whoever. you are doing it all wrong, be honest and dignified and what comes with that is an enormous sense of self!

[Live-N-Learn]

I am so confused. So do I have to wait for her to reach out to me, and if she never calls or texts again be ok with that and just move on? Or can I call her still hang out when we want and wait for her to say how great I am then say something? If I did this then I am not playing games right? I kept the communication like it was.

 

It is hard to wait for the opportunity to say this. Hours feels days!

[jahur]

I am so confused. So do I have to wait for her to reach out to me, and if she never calls or texts again be ok with that and just move on? Or can I call her still hang out when we want and wait for her to say how great I am then say something? If I did this then I am not playing games right? I kept the communication like it was.

 

It is hard to wait for the opportunity to say this. Hours feels days!

 

if you truly feel she is playing games then just ignore it, NO MATTER HOW MUCH IT HURTS OK! if you do you will fall straight into the trap mate. she will walk away from the phone, smug, confident that she has you dangling! think carrot and the donkey! dont be either! let her play petulant games and do your own thing, you are better and worth more than that.

 

could you trust anyone that hurts your heart so much? surely not.

[turnera]

Scott, you can't MAKE someone do what you want, or like you. All you can control is yourself. Please stop wishing for things!

 

ACCEPT what you can control: yourself.

 

Look at your life, do some work on being ok with yourself - BY yourself.

 

If she comes back into your life, great. If she doesn't, you're still ok with yourself.

 

I'm serious. You have to stop obsessing about something out of your control.

 

I'm sure she's great, and you think she's everything you want. BUT SHE MAY NOT BE PART OF THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

 

You have to accept it. And realize that there are millions of other girls out there, who may be just as wonderful as her. And here's a secret: if she realizes you have moved on, you will look more attractive - we want what we can't have (sounds like you, huh?).