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I feel so bicurious. Just venting how I feel


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I never had fantasized about any sexual encounter with a male until I met a really good friend last year at student hostel.

 

I suppose I'm attracted to his personality than the fact that he's a male. How he cares about me and makes me feel good when I'm down. He was with a girl mate once and he asked me out once which made me feel really embarassed. I wasn't sure if he was serious or joking. When I asked him if he was bi, he said 'don't worry about it' then assuringly denied it the next time I saw him.

 

He's also pretty good looking. (blond, chiseled high cheeks and lanky muscular body)

 

Still, I'm not interested in being with any other male apart from him.

 

I was thinking maybe it's a phase I'm going through and my attraction towards him would go away but it never did even after a year I met him.

 

Me and him were real good gym buddies and we were getting called a couple and things like that and I just couldn't handle it so I left the hostel. I don't see him anymore..

 

I'm scared to show that I'm really attracted to him because I feel that people might label me as gay or bisexual straight away. I wish I could talk to anyone about this seriously in real life. Currently I don't feel comfortable talking about this to anyone I know right now.

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Is it possible for you to spend some time alone with him so that you can tell him that you are attracted to him, but are unsure. Maybe start out slow, kissing him, touching him and see how it makes you feel. You dont have to label yourself. And it's ok to not want people to know how you feel. But I do think that you should try to spend some alone time with him and really evaulate what you do feel.

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He probably wouldn't wanna spend some time alone really. I think he could sense that I wanted to talk about it and he probably wanted to avoid that.

 

I was also thinking that, maybe the reason I'm so attracted to him is because I never got this much affection from a girl. I wonder how the attraction switch would work if I could get a girl that I like to like me.

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Hmm..that's a good point. Have you watched male on male porn? Does it turn you on? Have you thought and fantasized about performing oral on a man, or do you just like the male physique? If not, that's ok. It could be that you are just attracted to this one man. I will share with you a story. I am bi and very very open about my sexuality. My ex is straight. I get very turned on by the thought and image of 2 men together and my ultimate fantasy is to have a 3 some with 2 bi men, so that we can be all over each other. My ex has one male friend who is very closeted bi. my ex agreed to have a MMF 3some with me and him. He is scared and still does not identify as bi, but he is curious about this one friend's body and he loves the penis in general. We act out fantasies during sex, like having him perform oral on a dildo and things like that. So, again, he is straight, but curious only about one man in the right circumstances. Do you see where I am going with this? You may just be curious and want to explore. So, if you can, I encourage you to do it. At least you will be able to identify what you like and dont like.

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I should've explained this earlier but the weird thing is, I felt like kissing and cuddling him. But I felt disgusted imagining about myself performing any kind of sex with him involving genitals. I don't get turned on by gay porn at all. I'm only attracted to him I think, unless I see others like him. I can't imagine about my other close guy friends like the way I thought about him.

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It seems pretty hard to get a girl that I like to get interested in me. If you have positive experience with something, you would keep doing it and vice versa.

 

But I never had a positive experience with a girl when it comes to dating. Sometimes I go on the 'prowl' with guy friends to town hah but every time I go out, I'm like why bother talking to girls about how much I'm interested when they won't be interested in that?

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Well, I would first try to remind yourself that there's nothing wrong with being gay, bi, or straight. They're all perfectly acceptable orientations, so you shouldn't stress yourself over the fact that you might not be what you thought you were. I understand that you might have a kneejerk reaction/fear at the thought of being less than 100% straight, but I can assure you that will fade with time and as you gain more life experience.

 

For now, I would embrace the fact that you find him attractive. You have nothing to lose.

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That's not a very good attitude to have! I think that you should just try to get as much experience as you can with women and if the opportunity presents itself, get a little closer to this guy.

 

I'm sure your attitude builds up and intensifies with experiences you have.

 

The first girl I confessed attraction to, she wasn't really nice at all about it. And I try putting effort to better myself, it didn't really seem to help apart from making myself feel good and look good temporarily in terms of dating.

 

And that thing you said about me getting closer to him once I get experiences with women, that's exactly what I thought. Yet, it's proven to be difficult. I've met some girls who were pretty and friendly but then I felt like I didn't deserve them. I hope I'll meet someone nice who makes me think otherwise.

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Your case sounds rather similar to mine. I didn't really think about being attracted to other guys until I was about 16 and was becoming good friends with someone from high school who I had already known since I was about 12. The attraction grew slowly over that time, I have also thought about kissing and cuddling with him. I have been physically intimate with a women since then, it hasn't really changed my feelings. He is smart, funny, artistic, energetic, friendly and overall a very charismatic person. I have heard the theories about guys sometimes confusing feelings of admiration for feelings of attraction. I do admire him a lot but I also admire those women I have been most attracted to. This is only one guy though, compared to many other women.

 

I have thought about gay sex and watched such porn on several occasions over the years. It doesn't disgust me but for the most part I am indifferent to it. It is about on the same plane as midget sex: it looks funny, I could probably do it if I was feeling horny and kinky enough, but it does not interest me in itself. I have already come to terms with not being entirely straight along with other weirder aspects of my sexuality, but I think definitions of male heterosexuality are embarrassingly rigid. I rarely fitted in with what people thought how a guys should act, I stopped caring about that long ago. I kind of like being different, so I think there is a part of me that actually wants to be bisexual even if I'm not. For now I just identify with * * * * * or non-normative hetero since ENA doesn't let me post the word.

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Let me start by saying i dont think half of the men that call themselves straight are 100% straight. Does it seem awkward to anybody else that there seems to be a LOT more lesbians than gay men? I suppose it has nothing to do with the fact that it is a LOT more accepted, and even encouraged in todays society. Although you only like this one guy, i think you may still have sexual feelings for men. Even for heteros, it's not like they just woke up one day and wanted to do every girl in the world. sexual attraction builds over a period of time. You might find yourself slowly becoming attracted to a larger variety of men, (I sure did) and find male on male sex more interesting.....

But cheer up! I know no one asks to be gay, but why not do what makes you feel happy? you're hurting no one but yourself by denying your feelings. Is it something you really want to wrestle with your whole life?

As for the guy, i suggest that you hang out more and get to know him a little better. He may feel the same way as you do. Take it slow and let nature run it's course.

As the the girls, I dont think (prowling) is a very good idea. Trust me, if you come to love someone before you become intimate with them, you will desire them a hell of a lot more.

I hope i helped. Goodluck

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I should've explained this earlier but the weird thing is, I felt like kissing and cuddling him. But I felt disgusted imagining about myself performing any kind of sex with him involving genitals. I don't get turned on by gay porn at all. I'm only attracted to him I think, unless I see others like him. I can't imagine about my other close guy friends like the way I thought about him.

 

Do you think that has more to do with homophobia? I was a little grossed out by sex with a girl until I accepted it.

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it hasn't really changed my feelings. He is smart, funny, artistic, energetic, friendly and overall a very charismatic person. I have heard the theories about guys sometimes confusing feelings of admiration for feelings of attraction. I do admire him a lot but I also admire those women I have been most attracted to. This is only one guy though, compared to many other women.

 

That's very interesting. I could be wondering for the rest of my life what would've happened if I actually confessed how I really felt to him. I admire him a lot as well and I think some of the attraction towards him come from the fact that he has what I don't have whether it is the looks or the personality.

 

Do you think that has more to do with homophobia? I was a little grossed out by sex with a girl until I accepted it.

 

I was more thinking along the lines of, a guy banging another guy and pretending that it's a chick. I could get a little more used to watching it but why would I. I don't want to do that to a guy or get it done to me hah

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When I started to realise I was bi, I tried to explain it away. I thought maybe I was in admiration of the girls I was actually attracted to. Maybe I just admired their bodies and wanted to be like them. But eventually curiosity got the better of me, I slept with a woman and I have not looked back.

 

You'll never never know if you never never go.

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