First post in a while

[InRecovery]

Haven't posted here in about a year. Quick recap. Lost the girl of my dreams, went through the heartbreak. Rebuilt my life. Got things sorted.

 

Then out of the blue I get a message on valentines day from her saying 'thanks for the flowers'. I didn't send any flowers and the message was addressed to me. Naturally this messed with my head. She said we were only going to be friends and then she leads me on.

 

We agree to talk but she ignores me, then apologises. Say she thinks about me loads, misses me and doesn't want to push me away. We spend a weekend talking about nothing and agree to meet up for the first time in over a year.

 

The time comes and she stands me up - completely blanks me.

 

Turns out during that period she met someone. A women. Just like that she's gay. It hurts that she's in a relationship and it hurts that she kind of led me on and then just sacked me off. The whole gay thing - it doesn't bug me she's gay, it bugs me how someone can convince me that they love me, they want children and marriage (with me) and then eventually reveal they're gay.

 

Completely out of the blue.

 

I feel betrayed because this is the first time I know she's been with someone since the break up - it means that the love I thought would always be there isn't real.

 

My head is all messed up - just needed a place to vent.

 

Things do get easier, and in the long run its for the best but I just feel so betrayed right now. For the first time in my life I couldn't finish a phone conversation. I'm lost. She's the only girl I ever really loved and it wasn't even real - how can I ever trust my own judgement. Dealing with the pain and rejection is sometimes easier, but having to deal with how I move forward - how I fill the emptiness.

 

Like I say I just needed to vent. I'm a rubbish runner but I took the day off work and just set a personal best after no sleep and having eaten nothing. I texted her today because I think I need to offload stuff on her - I've never offloaded on her before, never wanted to hurt her feelings. And I know she hasn't done much wrong (the ignoring and being inconsiderate of the feelings she knows I have for her) but she still wants to be friends - I know this is a tough transition for her, and I want to help and I do care about her so much that I want what makes her happy over my happiness, but I can't be a friend holding onto these things.

 

Eugh.

[redherring]

Hey-

 

Sorry to hear you're hurting.

 

I will say something that someone said to me when I was heartbroken once. They said that I shouldn't think that the things which were said didn't mean anything, they meant what they meant at the time.

Its really easy to understand that people feel betrayed when someone who promised to always love them 'loves'/is with someone else.

I've told someone that I loved them, and that I always would love them and that I wanted to be with them forever. I guess what I was really telling them was;-

'At this moment in time you are the one I love and I will be with you forever if I can'

Feelings change, but the past never does.

What she said to you she meant at the time- that circumstances have changed since won't change that at one time someone loved you and wanted to marry you and have children with you.

I think these declarations of undying love have to be taken with a pinch of salt- its an affirmation of a deep-seated feeling and not a promise.

I find it comforting to think that at one time someone thought those things about me too.

 

As for her change in sexual orientation, I can't comment.

It wasn't fair of her to mess you around like she did though, perhaps she is very confused about a lot of things in her life- of which the sudden change in sexuality is a symptom of.

It doesn't mean that she didn't mean the things she said to you at the time.

 

I hope this helps. xx

[ForumGuy]

That's a tough one for sure. The reality though, from the outside, is that it is difficult to impossible to be just friends with someone you are in love with. Sounds like you aready know this. On top of this, she has no respect for you, standing you up like that. She is messed up and will mess you up further if you continue to be in contact with her.

[InRecovery]

I think thats it. I don't feel very respected. I don't feel like she really wants me as a friend which is why I don't get why she says it. It sometimes feel like I've turned into the 'just incase' guy because she knows she pretty much owns my heart.

 

I've never said goodbye to her and meant it - but I'm bored of being alone. And dating with her in my life is going to be tough. So I think its a goodbye for now. Is that selfish of me? It hurts a lot to think of her with anyone else considering what I thought we was a part of? Just I just swallow up the hurt in case she needs me - love is unconditional right so even if someone doesn't give you what you want you should still be there for them?

 

I feel really conflicted. Its obviously over (her being with someone else is a relief in some ways - I'm free in one respect) but I'm always going to love and care for her, and I'd do anything for her. But can I really find someone else if she's still in my life and the only reason we're not together is because she doesn't want me?