What is wrong with me? Why do I always attract the same men?

[sheenietee]

Alright, I have only had two boyfriends but both have been short-lived (3-4 weeks) and all have progressed through just about the same exact pattern. I am currently 19 years old.

 

This is how things always turn out for me: The guy meets me and for whatever reason is so enticed and infatuated with me right away. They act like they're head over heels and think I'm the one almost immediately (might be an exaggeration but just trying to create a proper visual).

 

Then they ask me out and we start dating and as a couple weeks go by they suddenly lose interest in me not being "able to see me in that way" and they break up with me. I don't do anything wrong. In fact, I'm not trying to sound conceited or anything but I think I am a very good girlfriend. I'm not dramatic, I am very understanding and a great listener, I'm good looking, and I am basically just a very compliant, nice person. Maybe I don’t show enough interest in the guy? I am kind of a quiet and therefore “mysterious” girl. I also feel like maybe because I’m a bit more serious and composed I give off the impression that I’m a “want to get married type”? Even though I’m not and I never litereally say anything like that.

 

These guys always hurt me because it seems like they go from loving me to simply liking me as a person. They always break up with me in a crappy way (not because they're assholes but because they realize that I'm a good girl that did nothing wrong and they feel extremely guilty about it).

 

What is wrong with me? I feel like I'm a great package but guys lose interest so fast in me? They really seem genuinely into me and I don't give myself up sexually but not to say I'm frugal in that department either. I still really like the last guy that broke up with me and I feel like we truly are very compatible… I don’t plan on not living my life or waiting around for him.. but I still would gladly one day love to contact him… or him contact me.. but is this even possible?

[I_Speak_Jive]

Wait a few years until you start blaming yourself for this dynamic. 19-year old guys tend to have the attention span of a meerkat on speed. As you grow older you will find that people de-flake quite a bit. Most of them anyway.

[shessofly]

hello! now since there have only been two boyfriends who have done this to you, i wouldn't quite call it a pattern of only a certain type that you attract. it may be that these guys are full of lust and not love and when they realize that you are not an easy lay, they move on. in other words they are not looking for what you think they try to make you think they are looking for and it is very wise of you to not have gotten physical with them. you get a chance to see what their true intentions are.

 

here's a saying i've heard a few times from people who care - if you really want to know if a guy truly likes you, don't sleep with him (least not right away). many people confuse lust with love, so these guys who are professing love for you may fall into that category and when they see they aren't getting the physical fix from you they bail.

 

i would not say this is your problem...it's theirs. it's a red flag to me, if people are professing their love to you so soon in the relationship - you say the relationships only lasted 3-4 weeks. not much you can know about a person in such a short period of time. of course, this is just my opinion from the information you have given.

[shessofly]

Wait a few years until you start blaming yourself for this dynamic. 19-year old guys tend to have the attention span of a meerkat on speed. As you grow older you will find that people de-flake quite a bit. Most of them anyway.

 

lol...very true.

[Momake]

I think the most common dealbreaker for me in the past when a girl appeared to have the "whole package" on the surface in terms of no drama, looks, niceness, maybe education etc... was simply a lack of good conversation. Maybe when I was 19 I was flaky... but I did stop dating a couple due to being simply boring and for absolutely no other reason.

[LivingToday]

In agreement with ersatz81, the problem sounds like you are dating 'boys', not men.

 

I'm sure you are great, just keep waiting and be patient, a real man will come around.

[sheenietee]

I think the most common dealbreaker for me in the past when a girl appeared to have the "whole package" on the surface in terms of no drama, looks, niceness, maybe education etc... was simply a lack of good conversation. Maybe when I was 19 I was flaky... but I did stop dating a couple due to being simply boring and for absolutely no other reason.

 

This is what I fear. What makes a girl boring? It takes me a while to warm up and be comfortable around someone so I'm generally quiet. I'm a big dork, goofball when I'm truly comfortable though. What I find odd though is even though I really liked him and didn't feel like he was judging me, I couldn't let myself go freely and I was cautious with what I said because I was afraid of what he might think of me.

[Momake]

This is what I fear. What makes a girl boring? It takes me a while to warm up and be comfortable around someone so I'm generally quiet. I'm a big dork, goofball when I'm truly comfortable though. What I find odd though is even though I really liked him and didn't feel like he was judging me, I couldn't let myself go freely and I was cautious with what I said because I was afraid of what he might think of me.

 

For me a girl is boring when she doesn't have anything to say beyond responses to my questions/comments... or always agrees with me... or asks me or insists that I make decisions on what movie to see or where to eat dinner.

 

How much is "a while" for warming up? You mention dating them for 3-4 weeks... is this 1-2 dates in that time frame or 5-6?

 

I would say 1-2 is not enough time to warm up... but once you get into anything beyond 5-6 dates within a couple of weeks being shy might not be good enough reason not to have anything to say? Maybe you guys just aren't compatible?

 

I suggest being yourself as soon as you can. If they don't like goofballs then it's their loss

[No1]

Its not you, its them. Its the guys. And dont worry about being boring or anything like that. If you feel you are a good girlfriend, you are positive and upbeat, then its their loss. The guys for whatever reason dont stay or hang around. Its okay. They probably want a quick hook up and you dont seem the type to give them that. Most 19 yr olds wont go for romance and courtship, its about "what can I get from this girl as soon as possible" I said most guys not all. There is someone out there for you. Just do what you are doing, go out, have fun, live life and someone who shares your veiws, your thoughts, and feelings will come around. Dont stress over it. Its their loss.