Do too much advice-giving annoy you?

[psychoanalytical]

Does it annoy you when people, kind minded and trying to genuinely help, start giving advices about work or life and it just annoys you? Like, when someone asks you how your week was, and you try to be honest. You tell him/her it wasn't as good as it could be, and this is what you did wrong. You didn't ask for the advice, you just wanted someone to appreciate what you're going through. And he/she starts going into this monologue about how you're doing completely the wrong thing and you should be smarter? Whilst this person is giving you heart-felt advice, and it may be correct, isn't it the how rather than the what, which is important in conversations? Why don't people try to see things from another's point of view before he/she starts mouthing off? Especially when you're starting to avoid eye contact, looking away, and he/she just doesn't get it, he/she just keeps yapping away.

[doiiiieeezie]

Ah yes! The point of Enotalone =)

 

In all seriousness, it does bug me. I actually ended a 12 year friendship in the last few months because of it. It was becoming to the point where I'd want to discuss what was going on in my life and I would actually have to muddle the truth in order to keep the friendship at bay, because they would be way to overcritical. Don't get me wrong, I love hearing other peoples opinions and if I didn't take them to heart, then I would not be growing into the person I am today, but there is a line.

 

People will want to tell you their side of what they think is right for you because they do care about you and perhaps they have been in similar situations in the past that can help you see a different side of things. We should all be open to those we love and care about to hear what they feel.. but if you feel like you are not getting an opportunity to express your concerns and life matters, then walk away. Friendships are not always equal and they do require give and take. However, if you are giving more and not getting anything in return, let it be.

[I_Speak_Jive]

The best piece of advice I have ever gotten: try first to understand, then be understood.

 

I live by it and it's a real game-changer.

[pinkelephant]

Yes! But i'm guilty of it. If presented with a problem, I will give you a solution. I'm just wired that way. Lol, what would you guys prefer the other person to say? Ask leading questions so you can complain some more? (Serious, not being sarcastic)

[Rangafro]

The best piece of advice I have ever gotten: try first to understand, then be understood.

 

I live by it and it's a real game-changer.

 

I agree with this approach. That is a good way of putting it. Sometimes people just want to vent. When they feel angry, vulnerable or otherwise emotionally worked up about something they aren't going to be as receptive to advice that actually requires them to be critical of themselves. That is because it hurts for people to admit they were wrong. It is more productive to first let them purge their immediate emotions so they are in a clearer mindset. It would be nice if people could be more rational all the time and stop acting out of ego, but going out on the offensive criticising someone without making the effort to offer some support or understanding is egoistic just the same.

[mfan]

Does it annoy you when people, kind minded and trying to genuinely help, start giving advices about work or life and it just annoys you? Like, when someone asks you how your week was, and you try to be honest. You tell him/her it wasn't as good as it could be, and this is what you did wrong.

Well, what you need to do is... (just kidding)

 

I dislike chronic unsolicited advice givers too. And similar to doiiiieezieee (sp?) I can't think of any way to stop them doing it except to stop talking to them altogether. It's really too bad. It's so much more helpful to people to listen to what they are saying, and respond empathetically, than to immediately treat it as a challenge for you to fix. Yuck.

[sidehop]

I dislike chronic unsolicited advice givers too.

 

Oh yes

[peanutbutterandjelly]

some of the best advice ive ever been giving has been on the topic of giving advice lol:

 

dont give advice unless they ask for it.

[cpc28655]

I have a special way of dealing with these kind of people. I like to change the subject to something so stupid and so screwed up that they really want to end the conversation at any cost.

 

For example, we have a guy at work that thinks he knows more than everyone else, and he isn't afraid to give out his opinion whether you are listening or not. I usually interrupt by saying something like, "You know, my nipples are getting hard!!!!" I promise you it works everytime, lol.

[Maya_A]

I guess that's happened to everyone at some point... It kind of almost feels like an invasion of my emotional space if that makes sense. But more so if I don't know the person that well & I've been talking about something & they've deduced their own ideas from it & start making suggestions...

 

I honestly never give advice unless someone asks for it. Even then I consider it more as "sharing my ideas on it" than advice.

 

For whatever reason, I seem to be the kind of person that people just seem to open up & tell all kinds of things to, and I just listen & let them know I understand that it's painful, or confusing, or whatever they are relaying ... And if there is a pause after them telling me something very dramatic, instead of giving advice I'll simply say "what are you going to do"? Then listen again, and then just tell them I truly wish them well.

[Tracer]

I guess I'm the odd man out. I tend to be that kind of person unfortunately (overactive fix-it gene) but, honestly, I don't mind getting advice at random times. I think it's because if I ever open up about anything I WANT advice. Even if I say I'm venting I expect the person listening to have something to say, even if that something is a hard truth I don't like at the time.

 

I honestly don't like 'ah-uh people', the type who just nod their head, say "yeah, I know what you mean," and never DO anything. I'm talking to you, therefore, I want you to talk back, whether you agree with me or not. I know how I'm feeling, I don't need a shoulder to cry or laugh on, I need someone to ground me and give me another perspective to think and work from.