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Weight Gain & Love


dreamingsolace

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i'm going to be slated for this, but here goes.

He really likes you, loves you, as a person. But the weight is obviously a huge problem for him.

 

You say you comfort eat, but I haven't seen you write anything about how you've made the effort to get slimmer. If that's something you want to consider, let me know, I have a weight loss diet that my fiancee and I have been on for 4 months and she's lost 3 stone with exercise and I've lost almost 2 stone without.

 

as shallow as it sounds, and really it isn't - physical attraction is important to a relationship, and he's been man enough to admit this is a problem for him now, so you need to make the decision as to whether you want to do anything about it. This is for you to win/lose as he's effectively given you the option.

 

If you care about him, and about your health, you need to stop making excuses and make an effort.

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What does he mean "let's just see where it goes"? Is that him giving me another chance to get in shape and see if he will be attracted to me?

Is that him just letting me down gently?

 

I've made a promise to myself to lose the weight. Not just for him, but for my own happiness and health. How can I show him I'm serious? Should I even bother? Do you think I should keep trying to salvage this relationship, or make an attempt at moving on?

I read your post several times to make sure I'm not missing anything. I do think he's letting you down gently. I get the strong impression he's lost interest (hence his comment). I don't think you losing weight is going to make too much difference at this point in time as he doesn't seem to be too into the relationship anymore (imo).

 

As for yourself, yes I would agree that you lose weight for your own health and sef-esteem, etc. No need to do it for anyone else.

As to the question of trying to salvage the relationship: If it were me, I wouldn't. I would move on, but that's just me.

 

Wish you well.

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I agree 100%. What is a relationship without physical attraction? To me, that is just a friendship. I don't want us to be "just friends".

 

I'm more than willing to make the effort. He's right. I'm not getting any younger here, and if I don't start losing the weight now, the repercussions down the line will be serious. I want to be healthy.

 

As for what I've been doing to get in shape, well my problem is that I'm just not active enough. I've cut my meal portion sizes down significantly and am devoting at least 30 minutes a day to exercise (bike riding, walking, dancing, and now that I'm starting to get used to the aches & pains, kickboxing). I've lived an incredibly sedentary lifestyle for many, many years, so I'm trying to work myself up to at least an hour of exercise per day, 5 days a week (currently doing 4 days).

 

If you have any hints or tips, by all means! I'd love to hear them.

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Make sure I am understanding this correctly: he doesn't work so you can spend time online? How does he live? Where does his money come from?

 

You say he drinks too much, says lousy things about you to his friends, lies to a female friend about you hacking into his computer, breaks up with you, and lives really really far away. For your part, you've invaded his privacy pretty heavily, twice, sent him a fake photo of yourself, and have steadily gained more weight until recently despite the fact that it is hurting you and the relationship. Honestly, I just don't think there's much that's healthy about this relationship at all. The weight is not really the issue, although it's certainly part of it. What is your real-life social life like? How much time do you spend online with your bf?

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This reminds me of my LDR. Yes, if you lost weight, it might get better. But that's a big chance. You have spent alot of time chasing after this guy who isn't quite sure. I think losing weight would do you alot of good, regardless of if this makes it work between you and this guy. Exercise is fantastic for anxiety management, and a trim new shape might help you get out there and meet someone who is crazy about you for you. I know that attraction is a big part of a relationship, but it sounds (and I'm sorry to say it hun) like he's ashamed of you, which does not look good for his character. If he wanted out, he should say, not ask you to lose weight, and until you do refuse to acknowledge you as his girlfriend. You deserve someone better.

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I think he's shallow in a sense that once you do lose the weight he'll probably come looking for you...not literally but will quickly have a change of heart. The real question is how you feel about him deep down.

 

If what I mentioned is the case and you lose weight to impress him, are you really doing it for yourself or are you looking for an approval? If this guy really cares and love you, he won't be going behind your back making negative remarks to his friends and changing his status.

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I am sorry for saying that, but my last concern in your relationship would be the weight (and this is coming from a person with weight issues in all her life). I would be more concerned with the fact that the person I am thinking of spending the rest of my life with seems to be drinking, texting other women when drunk complaining about me, not having a functional social life and not working, while he's 28. That would be a big no no for me.

His approach re. your weight seems somewhat shallow. If you want to lose weight, do it mainly for yourself and not somebody else, otherwise it won't last. I would say that you should focus more on yourself (and so should he, as he obviously has issues), even if that meas that you stay alone for a while.

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I just want to thank everyone for their insight on this issue.

 

For years I wanted to believe him when he said he stayed home and didn't work so we could spend time together, but the more time that passes, the more I think he's just a bit on the lazy side. Perhaps I even unconsciously enabled this behavior.

 

But, I do think, for the most part, that everyone here is right.

 

He and I have both made a lot of mistakes with this relationship, mistakes which we may not be able to correct and that may cause us more issues than we can handle down the road.

 

I think it is best that I take a step back from this relationship to work on myself. Get in shape, get healthy, put my life into perspective. I've given this man the world over the last 5 years and it's time I accept that he's more than likely just taking advantage of that and move on.

 

Truth be told, however, I think the romantic aspect of our relationship has been pretty dead for some time. But I will miss my best friend.

 

Thank you all again for your input, it was very much appreciated.

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Beauty wont last forever. Relationships shouldn't be about physical attraction, you will discover that as you mature. Hon, you will get old some day.. and there will always be other girls that will be physically attractive to him. If he would be willing to dump you because of your weight, can you imagine what your relationship will be like once you turn 40? 50? My advice to you, is to take the weight loss slowly, don't go on any of those dumb diets.. do this for your health, and a find a guy that loves you unconditionally. Yes, true love should be unconditional and you deserve that! Please don't settle for this guy...you can do a lot better. Best of luck to you.

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