Help me

[Infamous05]

Ok I'm not sure how to put this so I will give it my best.

 

My wife and I met about 4 1/2 years ago and we dated about 2 1/2 years before taking the plunge. We Have been married almost 2 yrs now and I have loved her every minute of it. Well About a year ago I found out that my wife was having an emotional affair with her ex boyfriend. I confronted her about it and we discussed everything and decided we would put it behind us and move on. Well things got better and in the later part of last year my wife and I had talked about moving to be closer to her family. We did so this year and everything was good. At least I thought. I didn't take into consideration that when we decided to move I was moving my wife closer to her ex. Well About a month had went by and one night I was coming to bed (she was already asleep) and when I climbed into bed to put my arm around her I felt something cold and plastic in between us. I grabbed it and went into the hall turned on the light and it was a cell phone that I have never seen before. I powered it up and immediatley the text messages started rolling in. It was him the ex. The text messages went back a couple of weeks and I read every single one. I then went into the bedroom woke her up and confronted her once again. Never raising my voice, never showing any signs of hostility. Well We talked again and this time I called the other man. He laughed in my ear and told me that she was his and there was nothing I could do. Obviously I can keep my cool but with this guy I lost it. I got on the internet and through various skip tracing tools I located him that night and Got dressed. My intentions were clear and I wanted to make sure this man could never do this to me again. As I got in my car I stopped and realized it wasn't 100% this mans fault. I went back in the house calmed myself before approaching my wife and had her sit down. I lost it emotionally and begged for her to tell me why, what was I doing wrong, how can I fix this. She said it was nothing I was doing and that She had a weak moment. Well I let this burn me throughout for a month and then finally with tears in my eyes told my wife that I wanted a divorce. The past 3 nights have been litteraly hell on me emotionally physically and mentally, I am lost as what to do. I called friends and family and they were all supportive but at the same time my wife was with her family telling them that I beat her up, and that I had done other things in my past that weren't true. I understand she is upset with me and that I have probably lost my wife. I set up an appointment for counceling for this week and my wife can't make it due to her work schedule. I took off to go and now I don't know what to do. Where should I begin, I have talked to attorneys about the matter but all they seem concerned with is $$$$. Tonight she came home and I planned on having a civil talk about everything but that didn't go as planned. Once I mentioned what the attorneys had said she blew up. Saying all the horrible things she had told her family about me, and so naturally I got in my car and drove down the road to cool down. I was hurt and I didn't want to be around her and take the chance of me saying something I was going to regret. I came home and she had left along with the dogs, and some of her clothing. I called asking her to come back and she said she wouldn't and hung up, I called again she wouldn't answer, I texted her and she said she was going to stay at her moms, and that she didn't want to see me, I asked her to at least return the phone she had of mine and she wouldn't so I called my service provider and had them temp shut the phone off, Then her father calls me and tells me to stay away from his daughter or he would take care of me, then her mother calls and calls me everything but my name and accuses me of horrible things, I then went to go buy a pack of cigarrettes and my card was declined, I check my banking statement online and even though I just got paid today my account is empty except $2.00. I don;t know what to do. She has taken everything, Please if anyone has any advice I am all ears, I have to be at work in 6 hrs and I can't sleep for anything, I can't afford to miss anymore work, especially with everything going to be on me now,

[d24]

firstly joint account - not much you can do about that - it was terribly vindictive of her, but then again she'd claim it was revenge for the phone.

you need to call the bank and have the account closed, or to have your name removed from that account. you need to setup a new account and ensure you're paid into that one. you may also need to consider contacting the police.

i don't know what to say, there's obviously somethign wrong with this woman!

[lostandhurt]

Welcome to ENA,

Many of us have seen this before.

Your wife is cheating on you with a scum bag. You catch her again! Tell her you want a divorce and then.....

1. The rewrite begins. "He beats me" "He is abusive" "He is never home" "I haven't been happy for long time" All these things are to try and make the fact that she cheated less of a thing.

2. Stacking people on her side. Family will want to believe her lies. You don't really believe she went to her parents and told them she cheated did you? She is a liar and a cheat and has no problem continuining to lie to anyone and everyone to make herself look better and get sympathy.

3. She feels she is owed anything she takes. It could be money or things.

4. To dump her bf now would be like admitting what she did was wrong and a terrible choice. She will not do this!!!

5. You must find acceptance. This is real and you must accept what she has become.

6. Learn to control your own life and leave her to what she has become.

7. Do not allow her lies and selfish actions to control your life and emotions.

8. Take steps to protect yourself. Call all your credit card companies and get your options on what you should do. Talk to your bank. Change the locks on your house/apartment. Make sure you eat and get some sleep.

9. DO NOT CONTACT HER OR HER FAMILY! DO NOT DRIVE BY THEIR HOUSE!

 

Lastly, read my signature below. My wife cheated on me after 20 years together, 11 of that married so I know.

 

You willl be okay. It sucks, it hurt like hell and it is confusing but it is real and she did betray you.

 

Hour to hour, day to day it will get easier. I promise.

 

Lost

[Skeptic76]

Sorry Infamous...from your side of the story it sounds like you are getting a raw deal.

 

I am fresh into a divorce, and personally I think lostandhurt's advice is spot-on.

 

Nothing seems to take away the pain of a situation like yours, but it sounds like you are able to keep from layering additional suffering on top of the pain that is already there... If you take esteemable actions the consequences will be self-esteem.

 

In other words, don't throw any fuel on the fire!! No matter how this thing ends up, you have JUST begun a long journey...allow yourself and your wife some time for the dust to settle. (easier said than done and somewhat hypocritical coming from me, lol)

 

-Skeptic

[Infamous05]

It has been a little over a week and nothing is better. I tried surrounding myself with friends over the weekend and went as far as to go to a different town and stayed there overnight waiting for a car club I am a member of for a show this weekend. Everything was good until I got in my car to come home. I lost it. I lost all strength I had and broke down in my car once again. I got home and it was the same. She had came back over the weekend to let my dog out and she she stayed the night Saturday but I wasn't here. Last night she came over for me to talk to her and we ended up getting argumentative with each other over the divorce. She left again this time I was hurt worse than before. I wanted the pain over so bad that I contemplated taking my life last night. I know that is not the answer and that is why I am still here. I couldn't bring myself to do that. Guys and gals, I am about as strong as they come emotionally ( or so my family, friends, and co workers say ) But this is killing me putting me where I don't want to be. Please just someone point me in the right direction.