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First date in 6 months and im pretty nervous!


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So yesterday I came accross some guys online dating profile and decided to contact him on a whim. I hadn't really been planning on actively seeking anyone out, but some of the stuff he wrote made me feel like I HAD to contact him. He didnt even have a picture or anything, but there was just something drawing me to him.

 

so I write him and send a photo of myself and a few hours later he writes me back and sends some pictures and says he would definitely like to chat more or meet up for coffee. i found myself realllllly attracted to him and wrote him back this morning telling him a little about myself and telling him that I think coffee sounds perfect. He writes me back and asks if we can meet this Saturday!

 

This all happened sooo quickly and I really wasnt planning on gettng back into dating so soon (its been 6 months since my breakup) but i just felt like I couldnt let this guy get away. I know I shouldnt get my hopes up because it really is just more of a "screening" but I just have a good feeling about this. I really wasn't expecting him to be so eager to meet, so it kinda caught me off guard.

 

I'm really excited/anxious/scared... I havn't been on a date like this in over 4 years!

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I guess I'm just wondering what to expect? What should I talk about and what shouldnt I talk about? For example, I know that I'm eventually looking for a committed relationship/marriage/kids etc, but when do you bring that up and find out if there are similar

life goals and stuff like that? I dont want to scare the guy off, but I dont want to get too into him and then find out that we're not compatible.

 

I feel like i need a general plan of action or some go to topics or something lol

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Yeah, I wouldn't get my hopes up too much. The fact that he doesn't have pics out in the open (especially if he's attractive like you say) is kind of a red flag. Be careful, and use your best judgement. Treat the first meeting more as a screening process instead of an actual date. If you get a good vibe, then you can set up a proper date at a later time.

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yeah, I'm definitely not gonna bring up the ex and keep away from any "negative" topics like that. im probably thinking about this waaay too much, but this is the first time in a long time that someone seems genuinely interested in me.

 

oh, about an hour after he asked me out and before i even had time to reply back, he sent me another email telling me more about himself and his interests which i wasnt expecting at all. does that seem odd?

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yeah i am... i guess im jsut really confused. part of me is longing for another companion after 6 months but the other part of me is worried about being involved with someone again cause it almost feels too soon and I dont know if I'm ready to jump back into something again. I know that I can just casually date.. but that really never happens to me. I always tend to fall hard and quickly.

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oh girlfriend... we've all been there at some point in one way or another

 

Here's the deal: you are not your past. Granted your past decisions played a role in creating the negative experiences you had and the memories of negative experiences tend to stick around for way longer than they should... so recognize your anxiety and nervouseness for what they really are (you holding on and associating yourself with the memory of past negative experiences) make a conscious decision to let the past go and the nervouseness and anxiety will go with it.

Enjoy who you are today, so much wiser because of your experiences and treat every new relationship like a blank slate.

Give him unconditional trust from the get go and that will allow you to see who he really is and what his intentions are faster than you can imagine plus it will make you look confident, positive and somewhat aloof.

This should be your plan

 

Have fun!

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Congrats, this is exciting! I can understand your nervousness. Try to keep focusing on the positive parts of this: you felt compelled to message him, you liked his pics, this is a good step forward whether or not it works out, etc.

 

oh, about an hour after he asked me out and before i even had time to reply back, he sent me another email telling me more about himself and his interests which i wasnt expecting at all. does that seem odd?

 

I wouldn't over-think it. He's probably just a regular guy trying his best to make a good impression and tell you more about himself.

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yeah, i really get the impression based on our few emails that he is pretty interested as well... like it looks like he's trying to make a good impression on me. Mentioning little things I said in a previous email, giving me specific directions to the coffee place.. he just seems very attentive overall.

 

I'm just reallly surprised he wanted to meet so quickly. I'm wondering if it's because he is just really interested, or he's done this a lot.... know what i mean?

 

is it common for a guy on a dating site to suggest meeting up in his very first message?

 

i cant stop staring at his picture... lol

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