peanutbutterandjelly Posted April 9, 2010 Share Posted April 9, 2010 So yesterday I came accross some guys online dating profile and decided to contact him on a whim. I hadn't really been planning on actively seeking anyone out, but some of the stuff he wrote made me feel like I HAD to contact him. He didnt even have a picture or anything, but there was just something drawing me to him. so I write him and send a photo of myself and a few hours later he writes me back and sends some pictures and says he would definitely like to chat more or meet up for coffee. i found myself realllllly attracted to him and wrote him back this morning telling him a little about myself and telling him that I think coffee sounds perfect. He writes me back and asks if we can meet this Saturday! This all happened sooo quickly and I really wasnt planning on gettng back into dating so soon (its been 6 months since my breakup) but i just felt like I couldnt let this guy get away. I know I shouldnt get my hopes up because it really is just more of a "screening" but I just have a good feeling about this. I really wasn't expecting him to be so eager to meet, so it kinda caught me off guard. I'm really excited/anxious/scared... I havn't been on a date like this in over 4 years! Link to comment
peanutbutterandjelly Posted April 9, 2010 Author Share Posted April 9, 2010 I guess I'm just wondering what to expect? What should I talk about and what shouldnt I talk about? For example, I know that I'm eventually looking for a committed relationship/marriage/kids etc, but when do you bring that up and find out if there are similar life goals and stuff like that? I dont want to scare the guy off, but I dont want to get too into him and then find out that we're not compatible. I feel like i need a general plan of action or some go to topics or something lol Link to comment
Shallow Posted April 9, 2010 Share Posted April 9, 2010 Yeah, I wouldn't get my hopes up too much. The fact that he doesn't have pics out in the open (especially if he's attractive like you say) is kind of a red flag. Be careful, and use your best judgement. Treat the first meeting more as a screening process instead of an actual date. If you get a good vibe, then you can set up a proper date at a later time. Link to comment
peanutbutterandjelly Posted April 9, 2010 Author Share Posted April 9, 2010 yeah, i get what you mean. He said right on his profile that he would be happy to send pics but he didnt want to post them for all the world to see on the internet. He seems pretty shy and he is a short guy but i personally think he's really attractive based on the pics at least Link to comment
guynextdoor Posted April 9, 2010 Share Posted April 9, 2010 A good tip is not to talk about your past relationship and if he does ask, don't go into details. Most important is have some fun. Congrats and good luck! Link to comment
peanutbutterandjelly Posted April 9, 2010 Author Share Posted April 9, 2010 yeah, I'm definitely not gonna bring up the ex and keep away from any "negative" topics like that. im probably thinking about this waaay too much, but this is the first time in a long time that someone seems genuinely interested in me. oh, about an hour after he asked me out and before i even had time to reply back, he sent me another email telling me more about himself and his interests which i wasnt expecting at all. does that seem odd? Link to comment
Sanesoul Posted April 9, 2010 Share Posted April 9, 2010 Be yourself, enjoy yourself. Link to comment
peanutbutterandjelly Posted April 9, 2010 Author Share Posted April 9, 2010 oh man, i woke up in the middle of the night and almost thought about canceling. I'm not sure if im ready for this... im feeling better about it this morning though, but still a little uneasy. Link to comment
guynextdoor Posted April 9, 2010 Share Posted April 9, 2010 Sounds like you are a nervous wreck coming back to the dating seen. Its going to be fine, relax, just go with the flow and see where it goes. Link to comment
peanutbutterandjelly Posted April 9, 2010 Author Share Posted April 9, 2010 yeah i am... i guess im jsut really confused. part of me is longing for another companion after 6 months but the other part of me is worried about being involved with someone again cause it almost feels too soon and I dont know if I'm ready to jump back into something again. I know that I can just casually date.. but that really never happens to me. I always tend to fall hard and quickly. Link to comment
peanutbutterandjelly Posted April 9, 2010 Author Share Posted April 9, 2010 i dont know why im even worrying about this. i havn't even met the guy yet lol. My mind is just spinning around the "what-if's" Link to comment
rap Posted April 9, 2010 Share Posted April 9, 2010 oh girlfriend... we've all been there at some point in one way or another Here's the deal: you are not your past. Granted your past decisions played a role in creating the negative experiences you had and the memories of negative experiences tend to stick around for way longer than they should... so recognize your anxiety and nervouseness for what they really are (you holding on and associating yourself with the memory of past negative experiences) make a conscious decision to let the past go and the nervouseness and anxiety will go with it. Enjoy who you are today, so much wiser because of your experiences and treat every new relationship like a blank slate. Give him unconditional trust from the get go and that will allow you to see who he really is and what his intentions are faster than you can imagine plus it will make you look confident, positive and somewhat aloof. This should be your plan Have fun! Link to comment
americanhoney Posted April 10, 2010 Share Posted April 10, 2010 Excited for you! rap, what do you mean by "Give him unconditional trust"? I'm taking notes, here, too. Link to comment
teabee Posted April 10, 2010 Share Posted April 10, 2010 Congrats, this is exciting! I can understand your nervousness. Try to keep focusing on the positive parts of this: you felt compelled to message him, you liked his pics, this is a good step forward whether or not it works out, etc. oh, about an hour after he asked me out and before i even had time to reply back, he sent me another email telling me more about himself and his interests which i wasnt expecting at all. does that seem odd? I wouldn't over-think it. He's probably just a regular guy trying his best to make a good impression and tell you more about himself. Link to comment
teabee Posted April 10, 2010 Share Posted April 10, 2010 The fact that he doesn't have pics out in the open (especially if he's attractive like you say) is kind of a red flag. Is it? How come? Link to comment
peanutbutterandjelly Posted April 10, 2010 Author Share Posted April 10, 2010 yeah, i really get the impression based on our few emails that he is pretty interested as well... like it looks like he's trying to make a good impression on me. Mentioning little things I said in a previous email, giving me specific directions to the coffee place.. he just seems very attentive overall. I'm just reallly surprised he wanted to meet so quickly. I'm wondering if it's because he is just really interested, or he's done this a lot.... know what i mean? is it common for a guy on a dating site to suggest meeting up in his very first message? i cant stop staring at his picture... lol Link to comment
peanutbutterandjelly Posted April 10, 2010 Author Share Posted April 10, 2010 i didnt even have to ask for his picture. he sent some to me with his first reply back to my message. i just think he is a little shy about having his pic up on a dating site Link to comment
Sanesoul Posted April 10, 2010 Share Posted April 10, 2010 i didnt even have to ask for his picture. he sent some to me with his first reply back to my message. i just think he is a little shy about having his pic up on a dating site I would be too, don't worry about that. Link to comment
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