Busting a move - when - failure rate?

[tf987]

Okay so I'm curious - and I suppose this mainly applies to guys - but women feel free to answer too. When do you bust a move?... meaning at what point in a date and on which date? Do you just wait until it seems completely obvious from her body language that she wants you to? ...or do you ever just take a chance even before she has given you the signs?

 

And what is your failure rate? Meaning... how often do you bust a move only to be shot down?

 

My own history is that I've tended to wait too long... so long in fact that I've only ever been shot down once and I've had success the rest of the time (20 times or so - though a few of those were at drunken parties way back in college so not sure they really count as really busting a move).

 

What this tells me though is that I'm not taking enough risk, because there might have been 10-20 other occasions where I could have busted a move and maybe 1/2 of those could have worked... but I failed to take the risk and the moment was lost and for whatever reason I didn't get another chance with that person. One prime example that comes to mind is a first *real* date I had with a women (this was way back in college too) and we had already made out one night at a drunken party... but on our actual date... I got cold feet and could not get myself to bust a move... even though we were in my room on my bed talking for an hour about funny stuff.

 

I *think* my issue is that I'm afraid of what will happen if I do get shot down, as in... its gonna be really awkward and I might have ruined things. And I'm so terrified of being shot down, that I don't take risk even when my gut tells me my chances are really good (like the 2nd date with the women I'd already made out with). Make sense?

 

Seems like this kind of risk means being able to accept some shoot downs... and also to have the confidence to recover with some dignity from a shoot down.

 

Thoughts?

[Salicia]

I would make a move on a guy only when they are giving me hints that they like me along with me liking them.

 

With the rejection thing, I got shut down really bad a few years ago because I didn't act on what I was feeling for this particular guy. Yeah, it hurt but the key thing about it is that I learned from it. I'm a shy person myself so I can see where you are coming from when you say that you wait too long to make a move because of intimidation. Otherwise, I usually don't get shut down, usually the other way around due to the lack of spark between me and some guys. Rejection can make you wiser about how love usually works.

[Theblueman123]

I very rarely get "shot down" since I know how to talk to women. The key thing here is to be a man.

[tf987]

I very rarely get "shot down" since I know how to talk to women. The key thing here is to be a man.

Okay then you should be out busting your smooth moves then rather than hanging out on a message board (hint - I think your schtick is transparent and old).

[tf987]

I would make a move on a guy only when they are giving me hints that they like me along with me liking them.

 

With the rejection thing, I got shut down really bad a few years ago because I didn't act on what I was feeling for this particular guy. Yeah, it hurt but the key thing about it is that I learned from it. I'm a shy person myself so I can see where you are coming from when you say that you wait too long to make a move because of intimidation. Otherwise, I usually don't get shut down, usually the other way around due to the lack of spark between me and some guys. Rejection can make you wiser about how love usually works.

 

I hear you. I've actually had a couple of women bust moves on me too - it takes a certain kind of courage.

 

But I think it also takes knowing how to quickly recover in the instance when a shoot down occurs - nobody wins every time.

[Salicia]

I hear you. I've actually had a couple of women bust moves on me too - it takes a certain kind of courage.

 

But I think it also takes knowing how to quickly recover in the instance when a shoot down occurs - nobody wins every time.

 

Exactly and with having a mindset like that, rejections won't hurt as much when they do occur.

[Go Habs Go]

I hear you. I've actually had a couple of women bust moves on me too - it takes a certain kind of courage.

 

 

Absolutely, but you also have to know how to do it. It happened to me at the bowling alley a few weeks ago. Normally, I'd be cool with it. But at the time, I was on the phone and thought it was very rude. There's nothing wrong with a woman busting a move, but at least do it with class. The same goes for men.

[jul-els]

Seems like this kind of risk means being able to accept some shoot downs... and also to have the confidence to recover with some dignity from a shoot down.

 

Exactly. You win some and you lose some. But if you don't try, you're guaranteed to fail. Gotta live life when it happens or it passes you by.

[tf987]

Exactly. You win some and you lose some. But if you don't try, you're guaranteed to fail. Gotta live life when it happens or it passes you by.

 

You gonna answer the question though? What is your ratio would you guess?

 

BTW, I think some of the hesitation that I feel, and I bet others might feel, is that it could be a bit like a job interview... you want to get it right because you will probably only get one shot with that person (job)... and you might even hold off on when you "try" to make sure you are ready or the moment is right.

 

I do think busting a move too soon can be as bad or worse than busting it late, which is why I'm looking for a more insightful response from folks.