What is said during an argument

[Shna89]

I was wondering if men really do mean all the mean things they says when mad at you?

[Puddincup]

Well, do you mean all the mean things you say when you're mad at someone?

 

I think the answer is no, unless there are serious underlying problems in the relationship.

[EQIQ]

On my end I have said many things I regret when mad. And also said things that later I did not agree that were correct myself.

 

However when I said them I meant them. ... does that make sense?

 

Kinda like when you are a little kid and you say that the food your mom made sucks, but later on you come to realize it's one of the best things in the world lol. When you said it as a kid you meant it, even though you later realized you were wrong... (yes horrible example).

[greywolf]

IMO, it doesn't matter if they mean it or not because either way, the purpose was to hurt you.

[Gath]

Thats why you shouldn't say mean things in an argument. Its ok to disagree about something and even getting emotional about it, but I've never understood attacking the person you care about over a fight.

[Shna89]

Yeah I don't understand it either. I try my best to solve the problem and not attack but sometimes what he says really hurts me and he later says he doesn't mean it but seems every time he's mad it's the first thing that comes to his mind.

[OptomisticGirl]

I have a habit of going for the jugglar in an argument. If I am hurt I will say the meaniest, most hurtful thing I can think of to say. I mean it at the time but later, once I have cooled off, I feel bad.

 

I think if it gets to the point where after the fight you still meant what you said, that is the real problem.

[civilservant]

I have a habit of going for the jugglar in an argument. If I am hurt I will say the meaniest, most hurtful thing I can think of to say. I mean it at the time but later, once I have cooled off, I feel bad.

 

I think if it gets to the point where after the fight you still meant what you said, that is the real problem.

 

Noted

 

Going for the jugglar?

 

What has poor the entertainer ever done to you?

[OptomisticGirl]

Noted

 

Going for the jugglar?

 

What has poor the entertainer ever done to you?

 

I have told you this before.

 

You think you are so funny, don't you?

[newlife21]

we say things according to our moods. so when we are mad, we say mean things. we meant it at that moment, but when good moods come back, they are not valid anymore.

[greywolf]

we say things according to our moods. so when we are mad, we say mean things. we meant it at that moment, but when good moods come back, they are not valid anymore.

 

The problem for me though is that, is anger a valid excuse to lash out at your partner? I honestly don't think so. My ex used to swear during our arguments because she was mad, and I would always have to remind her that it was an unacceptable way to talk to me no matter how upset she was.

[newlife21]

The problem for me though is that, is anger a valid excuse to lash out at your partner? I honestly don't think so. My ex used to swear during our arguments because she was mad, and I would always have to remind her that it was an unacceptable way to talk to me no matter how upset she was.

 

yes, agree, anger is not a valid reason to lash out at our partner. the problem is, this emotion "anger" makes a person lose control, i have this problem myself sometimes. it is important for a person to realise he/she has this problem, and make effort to overcome. however, i must say it is not easy at all. but doable. and then it will recur, and then effort is needed again, and again. tiring, but no choice.

[newlife21]

i learned from a book that teaches a good way to deal with anger or bad mood is: don't say anything , don't even think or try to solve the problem when you are angry. wait until a better mood to surface before you try to solve it.

 

i didn't keep by this rule two days ago. i didn't lash out, i just said something negative in response to my bf's negative comment on my car. now we are having a fight. but we are both keeping quiet, because if we talk now, we will be lashing at each other. lol