(Female) Dumpers: What kind of contact (from a dumpee) do you find positive or attractive?

[kreator86]

Ok... But what if you do no contact or try to but they start contacting you even if its only on IM? What do you girls say then? I read here that someone said not to play hard to get?

[H20]

I recently called an 'ex' of mine after more than a year of not talking to him. Just to say hi.I left ONE message at his job for him to call me back..and figured if he didn't, then that was my answer. He called back a few days later...and I found out he'd gotten married...which I had already assumed had happened. So our contact was ok..but I think it's only because so much time had passed.

[woodc5]

In my case, I rarely initiate contact yet still am contacted fairly often. The break up was only 4 months ago. It all seems relative to the reason for breaking up and all the other factors that come into play.

[GenoGeno]

So what does it mean when they break up with you and you never call them.

But instead of your dumper ignoring you, they always call you and text you.

Only at night and in the mornings. Does it just mean they are using me as a emotional crutch when they're lonely or maybe they do still like me? just don't want too?

[mushmouth]

My opinion is when a woman has made up her mind, she has made up her mind. There is just no point arguing with someone especially if they acted on feelings. Trust me, they know who you are. However, the best thing for the guy dumpee is to just go NC and get on with life. If she comes back, so be it but never ever count on it. That is a waste of energy.

 

If you want to contact them, just write an email and send it to yourself. In most cases, you will be glad you never sent it. The strongest way to tell someone they don't matter to you is to ignore them completely. Trust me the dumpers are also aware you are not calling them.

[TheJerseyKid]

Its weird because my ex (dumper) and I are pretty much NC, save a short 5 min. text convo around day 16 of NC. It's been a month since the break, and right after, and about a week ago she said "you can always come talk to me". Not going to lie it is a bit befuddling because most of you dumpers on here say you don't want any contact, yet it seems like my ex is almost encouraging it, though I am letting her initiate everything at this point.

[hater13]

weird thing is I don't ever see myself being the dumper. I'd feel too much guilt or regret.

 

I hate having that "what if" feeling....

[Tangz]

It should be more like, if you want to be contacted by your ex or you want to remain friends what contact do you find positive/attractive/not bad?

 

obviously there are dumpers who are thru and thru and don't want any contact.

[Poetry Guy]

This is definitely an interesting thread with some interesting perspectives.

 

Here's something else to mix into the soup:

 

I was the dumper in my most recent relationship. I wanted to be able to explain my decision to her, but she was very adamantly opposed to talking about it (which is ironic anyways since her inability to effectively communicate is a big factor in why I chose to break up with her in the first place). I sent one final text message the following day indicating that the other factor in my decision was that she had been giving me mixed signals and since I had kind of reached my wits end, on top of what she was doing, I just decided to pull the plug. Nevertheless, she sent me a response saying these exact words: "You dumped me...that was your decision, not mine. I would appreciate it if you would leave me alone so that I can get over this disappointing situation and move on with my life".

 

How about THEM apples?

 

It's like she turned the tables back onto me that she was effectively "dumping me back" (if that exists, lol) while simultaneously implying that she didn't want the relationship to end.

 

We've been NC for 12 days, she's been telling everyone that she "hates me", and here I am still wanting to give her the decency and the courtesy of an explanation. I've remained friends with some of my ex's and they have ended up being some of my best friendships. I don't think that I could be romantically involved with my current ex again, but I am very open to the possibility of friendship particularly because of the fact that I was apparently the only boyfriend she ever had who not only had a desire to meet her daughter, but whom her daughter bonded with to the point of me being her "favorite" and wanting to come over and hang out with me even in the absence of her mother (my ex). It's the child that adds the extra complication, for both of us I'm sure. So...I do want to make contact, but this turnabout situation has made it complicated...like I'm both the dumper and the dumpee at the same time.

[Mangiafuoco]

Interesting thread. bump!

[annieanna]

My boyfriend (dumper) almost 9 months now. Keeps in contact with me almost daily. Weather that be a few texts, snap chat (a lot), intagram, online chatting, or sometimes a call. A lot of the time I initiate contact (I want him back) but he welcomes the conversation. We laugh and joke and are normal. Super mixed signals on his part. Doesn't help that we live on opposite sides of the country either.

 

After we first broke up, he was the one always contacting me as well.. so in this case I think the dumper (guy) welcomes communication.

 

What do you guys think of this? You think there are still feelings left? I am having a hard time deciding weather to tell him I want to try again or try and completely let go.

[bison67]

very few cases in which contacting a female dumper is a good idea, i have some friends that had it end in reconciliation that is going till this day but those were both separations of 3+ months, i think it depends on the person and why the relationship ended, how close you were, things like that. Maybe a simple text or email is best if you can handle another rejection, otherwise stick to NC.

[sadpuppie]

It looks like most of the dumpers at ENA don't appreciate any contact from the dumpee the first 2-6 months after break up whatsoever... Nice to know but I guess there may be some exceptions?

 

As a dumpee I might have an exception that you are looking for, but as i have translated it and other people here on ENA its probably a guilt trip form his side trying to project it on me and also his fear of losing the emotional blanket, fear of losing control.

He is resenting me going NC (im positive its hit him hard knowing his ego) so he emails me saying that wants to continue having contact with me, he hates that we dont talk. One day his text are mean, the next they are kind and im pretty sure that his childish reactions are because of my NC.

But don't get confused, he doesn't want to be with me romantically.

 

So i dont know actually what to make of it after reading here that most of the dumpers hate having contact after the break up.

Maybe other dumpers that actually want to have contact from the dumpees can enlighten us more.

 

Maybe if i was initiating contact he would have had a completely different approach and hating me for putting him through the torture of contact...who knows.

[sadpuppie]

On the other side as a female when i have dumped im sorry to say that i have never looked back except for one occasion.

With one of my me previous LTR of 4 years. Around the 2 year mark he seemed not interested in me at all (but at all) and i decided to break it of telling him that if he cant treat me well unfortunately i will have to move on and find someone who will.

The next 2 weeks he went out of his way to convince me that i was the love of his life and he did.

We were together for another 2 years before whe broke it off.

[butterflyburn]

Even dumpers have attachements to you and dependancies. So, sometimes they might entertain contact from you just to ease themselves into waning off you completely. I think going MIA and cutting off all contact serves you best. They are left to deal with their own guilt and everything else they might feel without using you as a crunch.

 

I think once you have been dumped, as tempting as it might be, disappearing completely is great for you and your ex both and it gives you the best chance (if any) for reconciliation.