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Once a cheater, always a cheater?


greatcatch

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I'm m34, my girlfriend is 32.

 

We've been together a month now, and I am just looking for some opinions to see how things are looking from outsider's perspectives.

 

The situation is thus:

 

1. She portrayed herself as divorced before we met. I find out a week later she's actually just separated and they're fighting pretty bitterly over custody. They have their final court date scheduled for later this month. I was a little annoyed by this, but I understand the stigma attached to being 'separated'.

 

2. She initiated the divorce because she doesn't love her husband, pretty clear cut. However, what he doesn't know is that when things first went to hell a few years ago and he refused to go to counseling, she started having an affair. This bugs me a bit.

 

3. I just found out a few days ago that she is still friends with the guy she was having the affair with, but lucky me she stopped sleeping with him a few weeks before we started dating. Can this amazing coincidence be true, or do you think she's playing me?

 

4. I am not a controlling or jealous person, but I put my foot down and told her to cut this guy out of her life completely. No texting, no phone calls, no lunches, no facebook, zip, zero, nada. She said ok, and is confronting him today to make sure he gets the message.

 

5. Otherwise, she treats me extremely well, with absolute respect.

 

I do have a hangup here, though, in that my exwife had cheated on my, and it affected me deeply, and I am not happy to find out my wonderful new girlfriend may be cut from the same cloth.

 

The only solace I have is that their motivations differed.

 

So, what does everyone think? Because, honestly, except for the items listed in this post, she's awfully great. It's not often I find a woman who can at least make a good effort to keep up with me, and she's a specialist in a field in which she utterly destroys me, so it's even humbling at times as well.

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Id be concerned that she cheated on her husband and is still friends with the guy she cheated on him with.

 

I also have concerns that they stopped sleeping together only weeks before you started dating, and that she is not yet "divorced" from her husband.

 

I can tell you this....since its only been a few weeks, her and the OM will more then likely have some form of contact. I doubt he will let her go that easily......

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Hi greatcatch...welcome to eNA.

 

I have to agree with everyone else here...I think your gut is telling you what you should do, you just don't want to listen to it right now. Honestly, she kind of sounds like a nightmare. Sorry to be so blunt.

 

Listen to your gut, I think it is raising some major red flags for you. Go back to your post and read what you wrote, then try to imagine a stranger wrote it...what would your advice be for him?

 

Good luck & God Bless

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I think the last thing this woman should be doing is lining up her next partner right now. She has some major things in her life that really need to be cleared up and would benefit from her full attention (divorce, child custody)....."dating" isn't one of them.

 

I'd be really bothered by the fact that she lied about how far into the divorce process she really was. She lied about that to make herself look good. I'd be wondering what else she was lying about to make herself look good.

 

The woman's life is a mess right now. But, hey, some people LIKE drama. If you're one of them, go for it....because she's probably capable of bringing plenty of it to your life.

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