goodkarma_1 Posted April 8, 2010 Share Posted April 8, 2010 I'm ashamed to even post this but I need some advice/encouragement because I have no one to share this with and I don't want to hurt alone. Last night a friend mentioned in conversation that my ex has a new girlfriend. I literally felt like someone punched me in the stomach as I sat there pretending not to care about the news. Why I say I am ashamed is because its been two years as of last month since the break. We were together for 8 years. I loved him with all my heart, we were truly like best friends. He led a secret life which is why I left him. You can compare him to Tiger Woods Coping with the breakup for the past two years has been defiantly been a journey and a learning experience for myself. I was depressed for a long time and still experience depression but not as intense as I did before. I have grown stronger but i still feel very fragile inside. It is pathetically wrong of me to feel so crushed? I knew eventually he would find someone, I just didn't realize how much it would hurt me until I actually heard it. I can honestly say that I want both of us to move on and be happy in new relationships but I guess it hurts when they move on first. The feeling of replacement after I've invested all those years and for him to share his life with someone new hurts more than anything. He recently purchased a house and could'nt even do that during our relationship for us. That was a slap in the face but what can I do. I know I should move on because its out of my control and I am trying my darnedest too but I can't pretend I'm not hurting right now. How do you swallow the fact that person you loved and wanted a life with moves on to share the life that you wanted with someone else. I guess that's what I'm having a hard time dealing with. Link to comment
SongCoyote Posted April 8, 2010 Share Posted April 8, 2010 It's hard to take when people we care about move on without us. Don't begrudge yourself the desire to grieve; though you certainly must have felt pain during the breakup, grieving is an almost separate process that can take a long time. I highly recommend getting counseling to help you deal with the grief you are experiencing. It can be a crushing feeling that affects your daily life, work, and current relationships (not just romantic ones), but you don't have to live with it alone. Get out there and talk to people (yes, you've just done that, and it's a good thing) and get help with dealing with your loss. There is no doubt that you can find ways to get past the hurt and build a good relationship with yourself, which helps with the current challenges and gives you a strong foundation with which to approach new ones. You can also discover how to define yourself as you, and not by your relationships. It's hard work, but it's effective and good for you, and you're worth it. I wish you well in difficult times as well as when your smile shines like the sun. Light and laughter, SongCoyote Link to comment
goodkarma_1 Posted April 8, 2010 Author Share Posted April 8, 2010 Thanks songcoyote. I been wanting to go to a counselor, i just cant afford it. I was recently laid off. It would help me so much if I could which is why I turn to ENA. I am so thankful for the people on here. Sometimes it does affect my daily life and I know I am suffer from some form of depression but I chose not to take medication and deal with it on my own. I know I'm a good person with lots of love to give, I just want a break sometimes and want to finally be happy. Link to comment
newlife24 Posted April 9, 2010 Share Posted April 9, 2010 I go to a couselor and they pay for it. There might be cheap couselors in your area. I know that the United Way pays for mine because I am in school. Also, I have been going to Alanon, Naranon to get over my ex. He had a drug problem. Its very hard to cope with the loss but if he cheated on you, you deserve better!!! He is not worth the tears. Ive been cheated on and its the worst feeling! But you get past it. And you realize that you wasted all the energy for nothing because you find that youre better off without the lying jerk. Hugs and prayers for you Link to comment
prada Posted April 9, 2010 Share Posted April 9, 2010 Hey i am in the same situation. My ex and I split about over a year now and it still hurts when i hear he is getting more serious about his current gf. This is something we have to deal with and dont know how to. Yes it is hard. But i try my best not to think about it, everytime i start to i get up and get busy. I have to always have something occupying my mind to not think about it. Whenever i hear that they are holding hands and hugging in the movies from a fren who saw them, i myself get depressed and dont want to get out of bed. But then i ask myself, why am i doing this? If they can move on and not want us anymore why do we want them? why waste emotions behind them. An ENAer said, time heals everything. your heart, ego, and self esteem. start thinking about you and easily he will fade, everyday my ex is fading.. We are here to help. You will get tru this. Msg me whenever you feel like it. And try and dont think about it as much.. Start following up a sitcom or read a book. get a puppy. something to occupy you, and you will see result. let him have his gf, he doesnt have YOU! his loss! and whatever you feel, you will be fine. and listen, watch a movie when you feel hurt and have a snack. that helps! I hope you take time to heal... and you will! Link to comment
brandnewday47 Posted April 9, 2010 Share Posted April 9, 2010 I'm sorry your going through this.. just know that people here will listen and are of like minds and hearts, and we do understand! Oh and you signature is fantastic... AIC has been a lyrical friend to me over this past dark and cold winter! Link to comment
goodkarma_1 Posted April 9, 2010 Author Share Posted April 9, 2010 I go to a couselor and they pay for it. There might be cheap couselors in your area. I know that the United Way pays for mine because I am in school. Also, I have been going to Alanon, Naranon to get over my ex. He had a drug problem. Its very hard to cope with the loss but if he cheated on you, you deserve better!!! He is not worth the tears. Ive been cheated on and its the worst feeling! But you get past it. And you realize that you wasted all the energy for nothing because you find that youre better off without the lying jerk. Hugs and prayers for you Thanks newlife- I will investigate the counselor thing. Its just been too long for me to feel like this and I know i will benefit from talking to someone. Sorry for your situation, being cheated on is the worse. I know I'll get past it perhaps its just longer for some...like me Hope you are feeling better these days...you deserve better as well! thanks for the reply Link to comment
goodkarma_1 Posted April 9, 2010 Author Share Posted April 9, 2010 Hey i am in the same situation. My ex and I split about over a year now and it still hurts when i hear he is getting more serious about his current gf. This is something we have to deal with and dont know how to. Yes it is hard. But i try my best not to think about it, everytime i start to i get up and get busy. yea it is very hard to deal with but you are right, if they can move on without us then so can we. I have tried but I think that I've closed myself up not even realizing it because I've been so damaged. I don't know how to act in front of guys so I come accross shy or not interested. Yea anytime i have a vision of them together I quickly tell myself to snap out of it. Hopefully after time I'll think about them less. I jsut dread to hear more news about them. ugh.. Its ok though, one day our exes will hear about us and our significant others and it'll be their turn! Link to comment
goodkarma_1 Posted April 9, 2010 Author Share Posted April 9, 2010 Oh and you signature is fantastic... AIC has been a lyrical friend to me over this past dark and cold winter! Thanks! I love AIC...they have some deep lyrics. Link to comment
felinex Posted April 10, 2010 Share Posted April 10, 2010 Hi, I am too going through the same thing. My ex was my bestfriend for 4 years and we were together for more than a year... and the breakup was a lil over a year ago. I felt ashamed when I felt my heart sinking when I found out that he has a new girl. I honestly drowned myself with work just to get over it, but it was taking a toll on my health so I have been spending most of my idle time being with family and even went to a 3 day seminar for healing of "emotional hurts"... Someone is making me happy everyday now, but just a moment ago, when I found out that my ex is in my friend's bar with the new girl, i did feel sick for a lil bit, but found that it wasn't so bad compared to the first time. I guess it'll get better gradually over time, and just focus on being happy.... I wish you all the best! Link to comment
knowmorelisa Posted April 11, 2010 Share Posted April 11, 2010 I had been seeing a woman for three years, she was my best friend and the person I always talked to about anything. 5 months ago we broke up. her idea, not mine but we kept having sex, again her idea. I kept telling her I still loved her and wanted her back and she kept inviting me over and we would end up in bed. 3 weeks ago I told her no more. I knew she was fishing for someone else. Last night she told me she had met someone for coffee at the same place we had gone on our first date and they even sat in the same seat. I still love her, I believed that she is the one for me. This news was the worst thing I have ever heard and without my best friend I don't have anyone to talk to. Link to comment
ebik Posted April 11, 2010 Share Posted April 11, 2010 I have tried but I think that I've closed myself up not even realizing it because I've been so damaged. I don't know how to act in front of guys so I come accross shy or not interested. i feel the same! i have become such a closed person which i hate but i dont know how to fix it. Link to comment
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