why would someone feel this way

[stormie]

I've had this friend for about 5 years now - we've both gotten very close and we're like sisters

 

The problem is that I have started a new friendship with two other girls who just so happen to live by my close friend's area. I thought this would be convenient for my close friend, but it seems she doesn't want anything to do with them - even though they've been very nice to her. She's civil, but won't hang out with them etc.

 

 

That's ok - I guess we all have different tastes in friends, but it seems to me that my close friend will not respond to any invitations or even any email that includes my new friends. I honestly feel that she feels that it's either "them or me".

 

Why is that and how would you guys handle this?

[Jezz143]

This sounds like a confidence issue. Some people feel more comfortable hanging with one person instead of a crowd. They can't get past the "awkward" feeling and want to avoid it. She probably feels like she won't be the center of attention and will have too much pressure to "be entertaining" in order to fit in. Just talk to her about it and see what she says. =]

[stormie]

This sounds like a confidence issue. Some people feel more comfortable hanging with one person instead of a crowd. They can't get past the "awkward" feeling and want to avoid it. She probably feels like she won't be the center of attention and will have too much pressure to "be entertaining" in order to fit in. Just talk to her about it and see what she says. =]

 

thanks for responding...

 

what do you mean by a confidence issue?

She seems pretty confident, but then again, what do I know what goes on inside a person.

 

I have already spoken to her about it but she kind of avoids the subject. I'm leaving it alone cause I don't want to be confrontational.

 

I once asked her to explain soemthing to me (regarding her area - we dont' live in the same place) and she mentioned my new friend's name and said, "Well, you didn't seem to have trouble understanding when X explained it to you"

[confused25]

Well it could just be that she doesn't click with the two other girls. A couple of my best friends also hang out with some of their other friends that I'm not really close with. I don't like hang out with them because I personally think some of them are kind of annoying, but my friends don't think so.

[Speranza]

She's jealous. Even more obvious from your second post. She's jealous, insecure and thinks you prefer these friends to her, so she's very stupidly put a test in place, which you've 'failed' (ie you have gone out with them without her, why shouldn't you?)

 

Reassure her if you value her, or let her get on with being a kid if you don't. I would talk about it with her though, cos she may not be aware (bet she is). This will affect her in the future if she doesn't deal with it now.

[stormie]

She's jealous. Even more obvious from your second post. She's jealous, insecure and thinks you prefer these friends to her, so she's very stupidly put a test in place, which you've 'failed' (ie you have gone out with them without her, why shouldn't you?)

 

Reassure her if you value her, or let her get on with being a kid if you don't. I would talk about it with her though, cos she may not be aware (bet she is). This will affect her in the future if she doesn't deal with it now.

 

 

The thought DID cross my mind, however, I dont' see why she'd feel insecure when she herself has a wide network of close friends both from work and in her personal life. I was the one who suffered from lonliness for a while - only having her as a friend. In fact, at one point about a year ago, I thought I was too clingy with her because she asked me why I feel so insecure about her friendship. That's when I realized I had to expand my circle of friends, and rightly so.

 

So whats the deal now??