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Is it so bad to 'Need' Love to be truly happy?


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There are so many conflicting ideals in today's society, be it the self-help mentality or romantic idealisation in the arts such as music and movies.

 

On one camp we have people saying you shouldn't 'Need' Love. I have even read articles that go as far to say that you should never even 'Want' love at all, just live your life and love yourself and love will just happen when you are not looking.

 

While at the same time people's favorite songs both classics and current chart-toppers are singing about 'Needing' love and 'I can't live without you' and so forth.

 

My point is that I personally believe that both camps are correct. I think it is important to live your life, do what makes you happy regardless of love. I also think that there is nothing wrong with 'Wanting' or even 'Needing' love to be truly happy. As much as it is often said that you need to be truly 100% happy in life without love, it is also often said by people that they cannot imagine what life would be like without their special someone, in other words admitting that life really is better with love than without.

 

I am not saying that life is necessarily bad without love, but as good as things may be, life is a whole nicer when you have that special someone to care about and who cares about you... Am I not right in thinking this?

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I think you absolutely are. I find having people to love and who love me, makes life a lot more enjoyable. I kid you not, if it weren't for my husband and daughter, I'm not sure I would have lived this long. I suffer from anxiety disorder and I'm clinically depressed, along with having PTSD.

 

Life is hard for me on the best day, and having love in my life makes it worth it.

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There is nothing wrong, at all, with love. And it is wonderful to love and be loved.

Infatuation is an entirely different matter, as are such concepts as "whirlwind romances" "I can't live without you", ....you get the picture.

 

Neediness is not good, and can be synonymous with co-dependence, where unless there is someone (anyone will do) in your life, you are not "whole", and need that crutch.

 

Yes, when you are psychologically healthy, have good boundaries, enjoy your own company, then you will attract the right kind of relationship.

 

Hermes

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I think you absolutely are. I find having people to love and who love me, makes life a lot more enjoyable. I kid you not, if it weren't for my husband and daughter, I'm not sure I would have lived this long. I suffer from anxiety disorder and I'm clinically depressed, along with having PTSD.

 

Life is hard for me on the best day, and having love in my life makes it worth it.

 

You know when people say "I can't imagine what my life would be like without you"? Sometimes I feel like I am living that life without someone that I could have met and ended up with but never did. I don't need to imagine it, I am living it for real.

 

Us humans, we are social animals, and we are hard-wired to partner up and have families after all. It's a perfectly natural process to seek love, it's what we're biologically meant to do!

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There is nothing wrong, at all, with love. And it is wonderful to love and be loved.

Infatuation is an entirely different matter, as are such concepts as "whirlwind romances" "I can't live without you", ....you get the picture.

 

Neediness is not good, and can be synonymous with co-dependence, where unless there is someone (anyone will do) in your life, you are not "whole", and need that crutch.

 

Yes, when you are psychologically healthy, have good boundaries, enjoy your own company, then you will attract the right kind of relationship.

 

Hermes

 

As much as I feel like I 'need' to experience love to be completely happy, I am thankful I have learnt to live and experience life as an independent single guy for all these years. I can safely say as much as I would fully appreciate having someone in my life one day, I certainly won't be the needy clingy boyfriend because She and I would still have our own lives to live as well. Love is an important complement to a happy life, not necessarily a reason in itself.

 

On the other extreme, some people spend so much of their life in relationships from teen years onward that when they do find themself single it becomes hard to deal with not having someone there to lean on anymore. Then because they are not used to living single, they often need to soon after seek someone else to fill that void left behind. I suppose that may be why sometimes some people never seem to be single for long between relationships.

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We probably all need love...be it self-love, love of family or friends, or the kind of affection we get from our pets.

 

What's optional is romance/romantic love. It's the idea that we "need" that particular kind of love (and the others don't count for much or our life is meaningless if we don't have that kind of "partner love") that causes problems.

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I agree with shes2smart 100%.

 

I think the 'trick' is learning how to fill one's self up with love, regardless of circumstances and who happens to be in your life at any particular time. Life is a series of losses, in one respect. In another, it's a continual renewal of life and love.

 

Someone who feels full, and who doesn't absolutely need one person to feel complete or loved - will be more easily able to love, IMO, and healthier along the way too when losses do come.

 

It's not denying that a person needs love; it's spreading it around so that there is no crippling dependency on anyone or anything external. A life filled with love and abundance all around.

 

Compare that to a person who is pining their happiness on one romantic love - and when troubles hit, what a huge difference it makes as far as quality of life.

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We probably all need love...be it self-love, love of family or friends, or the kind of affection we get from our pets.

 

What's optional is romance/romantic love. It's the idea that we "need" that particular kind of love (and the others don't count for much or our life is meaningless if we don't have that kind of "partner love") that causes problems.

 

It's hard for me to say for sure, but I strongly suspect that if I had even had just one relationship in my past, even if it was some years ago, that I wouldn't feel like I am missing out on something as much as I do now.

 

I really would rather love and lose than to never love at all - As long as it is true love while it lasts, and not to be with someone just for the sake of having a partner.

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I think it really depends on the person. I'm sure there are a lot of people that are claiming to "need love" despite not being happy with/ loving themselves, but at the same, I think it's perfectly logical to be happy with oneself, yet still crave a significant other in their lives.

 

For as much as I come off as some one that has very low self-esteem/ confidence, I'm basically okay with myself. I recognize my flaws, I recognize that I could push myself to be better and have a better life in turn, but I don't hate my life as it is now. Yet, I have a strong desire to have a deep "companionship" in my life. True, companionship is "what friends and family are for", but you can only open up to friends to a certain degree, especially with other guys. I don't personally feel like I could ever really open up to any of my male friends, because guys, in general, seem to expect you to put on a tougher exterior. I have such a desire to have a girl in my life, some one I could open up to completely (and some one that, in turn, open up to me completely), some one I could still have fun with, joke around with, be funny with, yet still be able to love and support each other through difficult times, some one I could be intimate with, etc. If only I could find that girl, huh?

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I honestly don't think that I'll be 100% happy on my own. I'm not saying that I need a man to feel complete or to make me feel alive again, blah blah. I think to love and want to be loved in return is a human need. I have tried being workaholic in an effort to forget about not having a man in my life... it didn't help. It only made me feel depressed. I'm at a point in my life where I can't stop thinking about finding love, can't stop wanting to come home to someone. I don't know why society tells us to stop feeling this way.

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Hello surfnski. Yes, everyone needs love to be happy; but this love must come from within. You cannot love others until you learn to love yourself anyways, because you need to have love to give love. If someone does not love himself/herself, then no wonder he/she is probably not happy. I've never met a happy person that didn't love himself/herself. However, I met a lot of unhappy people who didn't love themselves, and blamed their spouse/lover.

 

Once you get the self love mastered, finding a significant other is another can of worms....but with self esteem, open mindedness, and compassion, it shouldn't be difficult. Then again, I am happier living alone with my dog, instead of living with the abusive, dysfunctional men that I think I am in love with.

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It's hard for me to say for sure, but I strongly suspect that if I had even had just one relationship in my past, even if it was some years ago, that I wouldn't feel like I am missing out on something as much as I do now.

 

I really would rather love and lose than to never love at all - As long as it is true love while it lasts, and not to be with someone just for the sake of having a partner.

 

Well, see, you have this idea that you're missing out because you haven't had that "romantic love."

 

The idea that that you're somehow missing out is what's causing you pain, not the lack of that kind love.

 

If you didn't believe you were missing out, it wouldn't bother you or cause pain.

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I think we all need love from a significant other. Friends, dogs and family are all nice and everything but there is a BIG difference between that love and someone who chooses to love you and share their life with you.

 

Well, yeah. Sure I am always around friends and I have a pet but and having them around is great but I still feel alone.

 

Well, see, you have this idea that you're missing out because you haven't had that "romantic love."

 

The idea that that you're somehow missing out is what's causing you pain, not the lack of that kind love.

 

If you didn't believe you were missing out, it wouldn't bother you or cause pain.

 

Furthermore - From past experience, desiring love but with no one in particular on the horizon is bad enough, but I think this is far worse when there is a certain someone whom you have those romantic feelings for. When you feel for a certain someone, the thoughts and mental pictures of what you could be missing out on are a helluva lot more vivid!

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Well, yeah. Sure I am always around friends and I have a pet but and having them around is great but I still feel alone.

You are in for a terrible shock then when you realize that even if you do have an SO, and it is a healthy relationship, there will still be times when you feel alone.

 

I happen to be walking through one of those times right now. It's about as much fun as having one's toenails pulled out with pliers.

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You are in for a terrible shock then when you realize that even if you do have an SO, and it is a healthy relationship, there will still be times when you feel alone.

 

I happen to be walking through one of those times right now. It's about as much fun as having one's toenails pulled out with pliers.

 

I can certainly see that happens through my own friends bad relationship experiences. But I suppose it comes down to the fundamental things like the emotional and physical intimacy that no other kind of friendship or relationship can provide.

 

A couple of years back I had a couple of 'chances' over a period of months with two women who both liked me as I also liked them. For varying reasons no relationship ever came of either of them. But at the time when there was a clear mutual chemistry and mutual attraction, it was the best feeling in the world to have someone out there actually want me in their life and give a damn about me.

 

I suppose I feel like a kid who was told I won a trip to Disney World. And just when my bags were packed and I was ready to get on the plane flight, I was told at the last minute that the trip has been cancelled and I won't be going. So that happening twice in one year and nothing else since probably hasn't helped my cause at all.

 

p.s. I hope your situation works out okay in the end, whatever the case may be.

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  • 2 weeks later...
I honestly don't think that I'll be 100% happy on my own. I'm not saying that I need a man to feel complete or to make me feel alive again, blah blah. I think to love and want to be loved in return is a human need. I have tried being workaholic in an effort to forget about not having a man in my life... it didn't help. It only made me feel depressed. I'm at a point in my life where I can't stop thinking about finding love, can't stop wanting to come home to someone. I don't know why society tells us to stop feeling this way.

 

I feel the same way. I've tried to throw myself into hobbies and other things I enjoy, and I just end up feeling empty. Skilled, but empty. Talented, but empty. I'm so ready to be done with the single life and share my life with someone.

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We all need love. Studies have shown that infants have died without it!

 

On the other hand, we don't need a romantic relationship. We can get our love needs met in various ways. Sometimes through friendships, clubs, family, church memberships, work, etc. where we can get and give love.

 

I think the unhealthy factor is when we cling to others in order to define ourselves. We do define ourselves by others, but we should never expect ONE other person to define our total being. We need a balanced life and we do need love, but we don't need the love of just one special person so that we abdicate all responsibility of our lives to this person on a pedestal.

 

Just something I learned the hard way.

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Even though I feel alone sometimes, I don't want to be in a relationship just for the sake of having someone, anyone. It's not fair to the person I'd be with. I fully agree with the fact that you should love yourself 100% (or as close as possible!) before you start thinking about loving someone else.

 

And someone said earlier that they would rather love and lose than to never love at all.. I envy you so much right now lol. While it's true that the good parts of a relationship are great, the bad parts are hell.

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