Why did you do online dating?

[toflyforreal]

I just want to say that after pursuing online dating on OKCupid very persistently for about three months, I am more confused than ever before but I've had fun. Met up with 4 girls in real life, one of which turned into dating for about a month, with lots of dates. Two were one time coffee dates only. One meeting came after an extended e-mail and phone court ship and was ultimately very disappointing because expectations build when you exchange lots of letters. Which leads me to my theory about online dating, that you canNOT go into it with too serious intentions, except to meet as quickly as makes sense and then see what happens.

 

People here seem to have a thing against people who online date looking to just "date around," or not be serious, or are looking for sex. I would say ALL of those accurately described the reasons why I turned to it, personally. Yes I am lesbian, not sure if that influences anything, but it is harder for me as a girl to meet girls so once I found out I had this opportunity, of COURSE i'm going to date around and not get serious! Why limit yourself? Why not just meet however many people you have time for? I'm only going to get serious with you once we've actually met, so might as well meet me if you're interested and we'll see what happens.

 

I don't get how to go into a dating mindset in any other way. It's not like I'm asking for sex before we meet or anything, it's just a possibility in my mind always as something that could happen if we happen to click.

 

For a couple months I was corresponding with a woman who I THINK wanted a more serious relationship down the line, and was definitely not into casual sex unlike the others. It was something I was beginning to consider however, as I really liked this person and could see myself committing to it if we met up and clicked.

 

We met up last weekend and the chemistry wasn't all there. She said she didn't think the relationship could go any further. Then again we do live two hours apart, are each busy with our respective lives and are both moving to different places in just a few months. I'm graduating soon and moving accross the country. I guess that's just the breaks of online dating sometimes...

 

anyway just thought I'd share my stories! not even trying to brag, just maybe others can share their experiences, positive and negative as well. In regards to the kind of online dating where you DO meet up in real life. What kind of relationships have come out of online dating for you? What approach did you take?

[abitbroken]

The best approach for me was to get out of the email communications as soon as possible and meet in person. This way it gave someone who just wasn't into email/texting a chance and also no expectations were built. I got notes from a few guys and pretty much had weeded some out by certain criteria. They didn't have to be an Adonis, but they had to be within 10 years of my age, be open to kids, nonsmoker, and based on their interests appeared that they were someone with some interests and hobbies, etc.

 

I ended up only meeting one person in person - my boyfriend. He sent me a note, I sent me one back, and he asked me out for lunch and that was that.

 

I think online dating just gives you the chance to meet people you normally wouldn't. My BF works an odd shift so he's not someone I would have normally just run into.

[mikeyx22]

I just talk to people as who I am. I don't really expect anything out of them whether I meet them in real life or online, but I do always want to be as close as possible to them (assuming they're not intolerable, lol). Online, I just take to fun conversation and try to get to talking by phone as quickly as possible. It doesn't really do for me if someone has security issues with expressing themselves more openly and it's just easier to get to know the person by voice rather than text.

I'm not the type that believes in "relationships" in the exclusive "I'm with you and you're with me" sense, I view them honestly as social barriers to good communication. People get too wrapped up in the roles they think they're supposed to be playing and before you know it, you're "trying" at something that should simply come from who you are. Besides, there's nothing "wrong" with simply being who you are as long as you're honest and upfront about it to others and it makes sense to live that way.

 

I kinda got off topic, so I'll stop talking now

[mikeyx22]

oh yeah ^^ so, I guess I just want to get to know them, however that goes down, but I find it a bit ridiculous to stick to internet communication for too long unless it's a long distance type of deal

[Fudgie]

I really do prefer older guys and online dating really helped me in that area. Getting to know older men at my age IRL is difficult because many are totally turned off by the age gap or just want sex. With the internet, I was able to find older men who were open the possibility of a relationship with someone younger but were also looking for a committed, deep relationship.

 

This is how I met my boyfriend. We are sort of long distance but not really, he's 6 hours away by car ride but I stay at his house at least once a month for like a week at a time or so, so it works out well. We just talk at the phone a lot now and occasionally email, but we don't IM much anymore. I prefer to hear his voice.

[toflyforreal]

i actually really like the getting to know and dating people from online thing a fair bit. totally people you might never stumble accross day to day, especially because i'm in college.

 

all you college people, if you are bored of college kids only, i totally recommend it!

 

maybe when i am settled in my new city i will take it up again, but while in transition / trying to move, it turns out its a little harder.

[newwave]

People here seem to have a thing against people who online date looking to just "date around," or not be serious, or are looking for sex.

 

I don't care if people use online dating for sex, the problem is most of the guys I run into only want sex. As for the dating around, that's fine to me as long as the dating around doesn't include sex. I sowed my wild oats.

 

Sorry, I don't have a positive experience about online dating. I met some decent guys but the majority were guys I'd never give the time of day to otherwise. Liars, con artists, married guys, etc.

[Fudgie]

I don't care if people use online dating for sex. I really don't. What bothers me is that the guys/girls aren't UPFRONT about it.

 

If you want something casual/No-strings-attached/"fun" encounter without a serious relationship, fine. But be straight about it in your profile. That way, you won't lead people on who may want something more serious, and you'll get more replies from like-minded people who, like you, just want to fool around.

[newwave]

I don't care if people use online dating for sex. I really don't. What bothers me is that the guys/girls aren't UPFRONT about it.

 

If you want something casual/No-strings-attached/"fun" encounter without a serious relationship, fine. But be straight about it in your profile. That way, you won't lead people on who may want something more serious, and you'll get more replies from like-minded people who, like you, just want to fool around.

 

I think part of it is online dating has become a no strings attached thing. Because of that many guys will put various terms that sound harmless ("friends first", "dating around" etc) but mean sex. Then guys who use those terms like they originally met get put in the sex category too.