Bf who runs away from problems and wont listen. Any help from anyone??

[PrincessMe]

I've been in a relationship with my sweetheart for two yrs now.

We've traveled a long road to get where we are now. For the past year and more, we've talked to each other on the phone everyday and night. We talk as soon as he comes home from work all the way until 3am or later. I wake him up for work everyday, as he requested, and we say goodnight to each other everynight; sometimes even falling asleep on the phone together

For some info: He lives with his mother still as so do I. We're both in our 20s. We were best friends then lovers. He has told me several times he wants to marry me and talks about our future together.

He just hung up on the phone on me because I said something hurtful. I told him I didn't want to meet him anymore It was out of anger and I apologized but he is ignoring me after hanging up. I have told him SEVERAL times that I think its disrespectful when he hangs up on me, but that is besides the point. There has been alot of tension concerning when we meet up in the summer. I was looking at ticket prices and he acted disinterested, like it didnt matter. I told him how this made me feel. When I get excited about meeting him, he tells me to calm down.

In the past, when we first met I didn't want to exchange addresses because I wanted to take it slow and be careful. Now that we have been together for so long I've decided we could take that step. Several months ago I asked him to exchange addresses but he said no and wouldn't tell me why. I was upset because before he told me I could have his address anytime. I feel like he is trying to do an eye for an eye, just like he does to everyone else. He is also disinterested in introducing each other to our parents/family. He wanted to introduce his ex to his mom just six months into the relationship. Now if I bring up any of this he says I'm rushing into stuff. He tells me that "I'm rambling" or he moans and acts annoyed. I feel like I can't tell him when I'm frustrated or upset about anything anymore because he runs away from it, avoids it, or wont listen. Other than these issues we're doing fine...but I can't help thinking about these everyday.

How can I tell him how severe these are to me without him running away?

How can I keep moving our relationship forward? Do I just back off of him about everything and let him come to me about it? I just need ANY help to try to solve this.

LONG STORY SHORT: He isn't listening to me and keeps running away from out problems. How can we get pass this and move forward? Anyone been in a situation like this before?

[Speranza]

I hesitate to say this, but this isn't really the kind of relationship where you can say you've talked through normal relationship problems. I wouldn't count it as one at all personally, but I can see that to you it is. (I say that because to me, you need to have met someone before you can really be in a relationship, otherwise you risk it being fantasy).

 

What jumps out at me is this 'talking till 3am'. If that is the case, you must both be so exhausted you can barely function in the real world.

 

Yes, I'd back off. For both your sakes. Whatever problems you feel you have worked out, they don't sound as though they are anything to do with the problems that people who are in a 'real' relationship face.

 

(I am assuming you mean you make love on the phone - or have you really met? I admit I am confused about this, because you seem to be saying you've never met. Apologies if I've got this wrong).

 

I feel like he is trying to do an eye for an eye, just like he does to everyone else.

 

What was he reacting to on your part? How do you know what he does to everyone else? Do you know his friends? It sounds as though you are talking about a LDR...

[PrincessMe]

It is a ldr. We've talked thru problems in the past. It just took so long to get him to the point where he felt comfortable to talk about the problems. He bolts at the first sign that I'm getting mad, but when he feels comfortable enough we can talk about it in text. There was one rare occasion where we were able to talk about it on the phone. I dont know why but he seems to get so sensitive about it.

Believe it or not, we have talked that late for as long as I can remember He tries to spend as much time with me as he can. I encourage him to spend weekends on his hobbies, but I think sometimes he worries that I dont want him to go.

We havent met yet, but we do cam.

I dont feel like these are such a big deal if he would just talk to me about them but the way he reacts to everything...makes it like an explosion of emotion.

[DN]

Have you actually met in person?

[Speranza]

She says not. But she says they are lovers. So I assume that is via cam...

 

Is this your first relationship? Have you ever made love in real time?

[PrincessMe]

Have you actually met in person?

 

Nah, though we've been planning too in the summer.

I'm backing off the issues though and if he wants it then he'll have to make his effort too.

I feel like I'm putting all of myself into this when he isn't doing anything to help with these problems My happiness doesn't depend on him.

What also gets me is that he always talks about his co-worker as soon as he comes home from work. He told me before that they talked about their previous sex lives and she told him she could get birth control from her friends. I dont know how this was ever brought up in his conversation with her but he said she brought it up. He says that she tells everyone that...but...

Is it weird for me to get frustrated over this?

Anymore I feel like I DONT want to get serious over it anymore. I dont wanna hurt him but he isnt helping me with moving us forward. I've been hearing that the relationship isnt real until you meet. How do I let him know this without breaking it off?