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facebook discovery.. am I overreacting?


-Sanguine-

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Very true. And, likewise, you could've just told him that this sort of thing bugs you, instead of quasi-snooping. We human beings tend to take the scenic route when it comes to dealing with each other, instead of being direct.

 

I see where you're coming from, but at the same time, this wasn't bothering me until I looked at his page.. so how could I have told him about it? lol.

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Was it really snooping?

If I commented on someone's picture and he looked, I wouldn't tell him he's a snoop. If I didn't want him to see it, I wouldn't post it on a public networking site, lol.

 

But I can see how me checking what the comment was would make him think I don't trust him. That, I understand.

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I see where you're coming from, but at the same time, this wasn't bothering me until I looked at his page.. so how could I have told him about it? lol.

 

I had the same thought, but I felt hypocritical about the argument I was going to use, which was that you should have gone to him directly, without posting about it here. (Obviously, that's what ENA is for.)

 

I agree that this doesn't meet the usual definition of snooping--and if it's a one-time thing and not a pattern/compulsion, it's no big deal. But going to him directly, and soon, is the best idea. You don't have to treat it as a big deal, just gauge his reaction when you casually mention it.

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I had the same thought, but I felt hypocritical about the argument I was going to use, which was that you should have gone to him directly, without posting about it here. (Obviously, that's what ENA is for.)

 

I agree that this doesn't meet the usual definition of snooping--and if it's a one-time thing and not a pattern/compulsion, it's no big deal. But going to him directly, and soon, is the best idea. You don't have to treat it as a big deal, just gauge his reaction when you casually mention it.

 

I am quite glad I came here first, because I tend to get over-emotional about things and talking them out/hearing others opinions helps me make more rational decisions.. and yeah, I will talk to him about it if it happens again, but after reading some of the comments I have been thinking it might not be worth it this time.

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I was gonna say the same thing. I do the same to other friends profiles, not to be a snoop either. Just cause I'm curious and cause I can.

Um, i'm confused, i thought have of this discussion was talking about the fact that you had to "do" something unusual in order to see the pic...i wasn't really sure how that was possible on fb either.

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Was it really snooping?

If I commented on someone's picture and he looked, I wouldn't tell him he's a snoop. If I didn't want him to see it, I wouldn't post it on a public networking site, lol.

 

But I can see how me checking what the comment was would make him think I don't trust him. That, I understand.

No this isn't really snooping.

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Um, i'm confused, i thought have of this discussion was talking about the fact that you had to "do" something unusual in order to see the pic...i wasn't really sure how that was possible on fb either.

 

no, you don't have to do anything unusual, if I'm understanding you right...

 

I went to his profile and it said

J commented on S's photo

and I could click on the link to the photo..

it's very public.

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He probably did like the boobs... most men like looking at boobs. The issue is his contact with other women, and whether you suspect him of cheating.

 

Do you genuinely think he is cheating? I wouldn't do anything at all unless you think he's cheating. He's entitled to his own thoughts and feelings, and you can't make him 'unlike' a nice boob shot if he does. He'd have probably clicked 'i like' a million times when reading a Playboy magazine!

 

So it is only relevant if you think this is a sign he is cheating, in which case you need to keep your eyes peeled and look for other signs. There is almost always a constellation of other signs when a person cheats (he starts guarding his phone, disappears with no explanation, sees you less etc.).

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You said it best when you said "I knew I wasn't going to like what I saw".

I think it kind of tacky to "like" a suggestive picture of a female friend when you have a girlfriend who will clearly see it, but in the end it really is your problem.

 

I'm not saying you're at fault for anything, but it is your feeling to deal with. It hurts, I know it does, but it is up to you to decide whether he is worth trusting.

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Well, men don't become neutered when they get a girlfriend! They still have the same impulses and desires, they just don't cheat if they know what is good for a relationship.

 

You get into trouble when you try to control your partner's thoughts and feelings and get judmental about it, as in thinking he won't appreciate a fine pair of boobs when he's confronted by them. Of course he shouldn't grab them or call the girl up for a date, but i think it is relatively harmless if he just clicks 'like it' from afar.

 

Sure, it would probably be better if he restrained himself from doing that, but perhaps he just likes the person and comments 'like it' to a lot of people. You can't read his mind and assume he had some big ulterior motive there, unless he comments something like, 'love the boobs, wish i was there to take advatange of them...'

 

you just can't police another person's thoughts and feelings, and as long as he is not cheating or being vulgar, i'd say let it go...

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