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Made the decision, not feeling good though...


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It all feels so horrible tonight and I don't know why!


I know he's all wrong - he lied and cheated his way through a year of the relationship with his "ex" girlfriend of 15 years, did some absolutely crazy things (took us on the SAME date on subsequent weekends to "see how it felt with each of us"), blanked me regularly, dropped me ALL the time, manipulated and basically treated us both with utter emotional brutality.


I was willing to give it another go, went for some counselling with him, only for him to lose his temper with me for admitting to looking at her facebook profile just ONCE, out of curiosity.


I have ended it, for good, and let go of any hope that we might make it work. I know it was rubbish, that he is liar and a cheat and I will NEVER trust him. I know that now I can start to look at the reasons WHY I put up with it for so long, and look forward to meeting the right person for me at some point.


So why does it feel so rubbish tonight?

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I just broke up with my boyfriend yesterday and had made the decision to do it weeks ago and am fine with the decision to leave him - but it still hit me like a brick wall actually doing it. No matter what your reasons or how sure you are that it's the right thing or how badly he treated you etc - it's still hard to walk away from someone you love(d). I feel like crap today too but we just gotta hang in there... This feeling, like all things, will pass and I have faith that the next stage in our lives will be brighter xx

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So true girlie, today hasn't felt good either.


Doesnt help that I received another email today, essentially telling me I am wrong...He lied and cheated (I put up with it for way too long, and then as a result I am insecure and don't trust). I ended it because as a result of looking at her facebook profile and feeling weirded out and calling him for some reassurance, he reacted with shouting and swearing.


And today he tells me this:


I want you to know that I dont agree with your decision.


Saturday beautifull and a really good time then the next day because of an argument.... THATS IT..... OVER.


I am my own person just like you are but it seems that it was all about you and nothing about me. I read to my mother our last emails and I can now see that in reality I do not feel guilty of anything. Im passionate I am from a mixed culture; to you I may appear just in one way but thats how I am sometimes loud and over the top. All ur email was about u and the DAMAGE that each time you bring up. U say curiosity and then wanting me to tell u...."its ok my love ...


I am not that man and u cannot expect me to say what u want wen u want. Im not made of steel I was upset END OF. I dont give a toss about her and Im free of her - ALLELUIA!"


He really doesnt get it, what a shame £250 going to relate was totally wasted because he clearly STILL doesnt understand what it would take to get over his lies and deceit.


Is it me? Should I just swallow any residual fear after what he did, and not tell him when I am feeling doubtful or insecure. Should I just trust a man that lied to me and her for a year?


I know the answers really...I just dont understand how he can be so defiant after what he did.

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Nah exactly, deep down he knows what he has done...for whatever messed up reasons. Problem with me is self-doubt...I know really what is right, then I get all confused and worry that I have done the wrong thing so any attempt by him to blame me can be effective.


Thats why posting on here is so good...


How are things with you?

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I'm with mca, you can definitely do better than a like that! Hang in there and stick with your decision - it's natural to be doubting yourself, I know I pondered on the whole situation for ages and made the final decision weeks ago, but I'm still getting pangs of doubt. But my gut is telling me it's the right thing to do so just have to stick with it... it's really rough right now but it'll get easier... or so I'm told...

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